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“That’s what I was thinking, love.” She raises her eyebrows.
“I didn’t know that,” I whisper through my smile.
“Why don’t you ring him now? I’m sure he has just been tied up at work and time has gotten away from him. Ask him to come over when he finishes if you want.”
I smile and stand. “Thanks Mum.” I give her a kiss on the cheek. “I will.”
Joshua
I sit back in my seat, affronted, and run my pointer over my lips as I think. “No one will ever know, you say.”
She smiles and leans over me further. “It’s a crime for a man as virile as you to only satisfy one woman. Nature didn’t intend it to be that way. That is why he gave men like you a roving eye and uncontrollable lust. One woman would never be able to satisfy a man like you, Joshua, we both know that.”
I run my tongue over my top teeth.
“You think I have a roving eye?” I ask.
She nods slowly as she smiles. “The way you danced with me at the wedding, the way you looked at me this morning in this dress. I can tell that you want me and my body.” She slowly runs her finger down her clavicle and over her breast.
I frown as I think. Is that how I come across, as having a roving eye?
“You’re an attractive woman, a man would have to be dead not to notice you,” I say flatly as I turn back to my computer screen.
“You normally do more than notice though, don’t you Joshua?”
I stop dead in my tracks, how does she know that? It turns my stomach to think she has only known me since I have been with Natasha and yet she has nailed me in one. Have I given Natasha a reason to be insecure? My mind flicks back to the wedding and how I handled my jealousy that night.
She leans over me and gently kisses the side of my face. “No one will know,” she whispers in my ear as she runs her hand down the side of my face.
I grab her hand midair. “I will know,” I sneer as my eyes lock on hers.
“It’s natural, Joshua, just go with it,” she purrs.
I frown at her. “I’m not the man you think I am, get out of this office or I am walking right now.”
She pulls back. “Joshua, don’t be like that. I am just being honest.”
I glare at her. “While we are being honest, I don’t play up on my wife. I am not that man anymore. Get out of my sight,” I shake my head in frustration.
She stands angrily. “We’ll see, you will be begging for sex any day now.”
Adrian comes to the door. “Is everything ok in here?” He looks around and frowns at the tension in the room.
I start to retype. “Adrian, can you please escort this trollop out of the office. I won’t be needing any further assistance from her.” My eyes flick to him.
He smiles broadly at me. “I’d love to.” He gives me a wink.
I sit in the quiet of the office and drink my coffee alone as I wait for the hard drive systems to back up half an hour later. My mind keeps rerunning over the conversation with Tatiana. One woman would never be able to satisfy you, you have a roving eye. The way that you looked at me this morning, the way you danced with me at the wedding. Is she right? Am I such an ingrained player that I don’t even know when I am d
oing it anymore? My mind goes to Natasha—have I made her feel insecure? That was never my intention, she had me completely. Up until half an hour ago I blamed her totally for our break up and now … I’m completely confused. I think back to the conversation in the car at Willowvale that I had with Natasha about Amelie. I hardly remember what was said and yet Tash knows the conversation word for word. Did I really say that I wasn’t with Amelie because of her? I thought it was obvious to everyone that I didn’t want Amelie … but then even Amelie thought I wanted her, so of course Tash would think that too. I put my head in my hands as I try to think this through. The other night at dinner I watched Natasha cry and tell me that she loved me and yet I told her I only wanted sex from her. Of course she doubts me, I doubt myself. Why in the hell would I do that to her and then go home and cuddle her all night, in fact every night since. I put my head into my hands on the desk. I’m confused. I can’t be brought to my knees by her again. I break into a cold sweat just thinking of how dark those days were.
But then when I’m with her … she’s so perfect … we are perfect. She radiates this inner honesty but I don’t know if that is because I am so blinded by my feelings for her that I only see what I want to see. How could someone so gentle and loving break me three times and not care … but then … have I caused her to feel insecure and hurt?
Have I bought this hurt on myself?
Why in the hell did I let myself sleep with Amelie and then not tell Tash about it? And the money—was Amelie telling the truth about Natasha bringing up money in their argument?
I sit back in my chair and put the heels of my hands into my eye sockets.
