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‘Yeah. And then, I mean, I was ready for it to stop. I remember how I opened more to try to stop it, and it felt like my heart was rushing too hard. My stomach started bubbling. I thought I was going to shit or piss. Something started filling the backs of my eyes, my ass was my cunt and my cunt was my ass. It was like I was tied to a stick in the ground. I was tied to a stick as they punched holes in this earth!’
‘God, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. It’s okay. Look, I’m sorry. Let’s get up.’
‘No. You don’t get it. It just makes me see that sex is always like this!’
‘But you said you loved that guy!’
‘I did!’
‘Come on, don’t cry. Please.’
‘I’m sorry.’
‘Why did you stay there? Why didn’t you leave?’
r /> ‘Have you ever loved someone who didn’t love you back?’
‘No. I don’t know, maybe I have … ’
‘Talking about him makes me … ’
‘Look, let’s stop talking about it. Let’s get up. I should go now.’
‘It doesn’t matter who fucks me! You or him or all of them! I know that guys think they fuck me, but guys who think they fuck me think they know what they’re doing when they don’t, they really don’t! The morning beside them always stinks. It’s that stink of men in their sleep and all I want to do is get out of their bed.’
‘But … ’
‘I don’t want to see myself in the morning. Looking down between my legs. I know there’s stuff dripping out from me, even in the morning, my cunt is still wet. I don’t know why my cunt is still wet! I mean, I know what’s happened in the middle of the night, I know what happened with all those men. But my body awake, in the morning, it’s like it’s bloated from the feelings. I am heavy and wet and my body wants to fuck again. It’s never enough! It’s like my cunt has taken in all the thoughts I didn’t speak. It’s like it has drowned all my need in itself! Don’t you see what I am saying?’
‘No. No. I have to go … ’
‘The only thing I feel after sex is: this is how I have to fuck.’
‘I’ve got to go. I’ve really got to go now.’
‘No! No, you can’t go. Don’t go now! One more time. Please. Come on.’
‘I don’t know, after that story, I mean, I can’t.’
‘Please.’ Why do girls always say please?
The girl was licking her thumb. Both of us were sweating, a cold kind of sweat. She started rubbing her lips in circular motions on my cheek. Her saliva was burning. She was making my face wet like hers.
Then she wrapped her thighs around me. She took both my hands and put them on her breasts. Please, she moaned again, really sexy this time, like there was something in her throat. She was making me feel like I was being let out of a cage. My fingers were twisting her nipples, my mouth was on her neck. I felt how her hips were churning like a motor, it was making me hard. She was using her wet fingers to rub between her thighs.
Fuck me, she mouthed.
And then she pushed herself up onto her hands and knees. Her ass was toward my face. She looked like an animal. I saw her ass and pussy spreading. This blaze went ripping through my groin.
‘C’mon, fuck, fuck, please!’
Her voice was matching the jerks of her rear. I could see all those guys doing it to her. I didn’t want to be like them. I could see how she still wanted that shit that she loved. I wanted to fuck it out of her. That man was an abuser. An abusive fucking beast! I got up behind her. I was kneading her ass cheeks. She was moaning like something inside her was going to crack, she was moaning like she knew what I was thinking.
MAN NO. 3
I’d been watching her dance. Loved her ass shaking. The way she looked down at her feet, shook her hips and got into herself. She made me get up and want to dance too.
So I made my way close and when she sensed me right near her, I was surprised for a second – she stared straight at me. Her eyes looked like they were going to cut through my face. But then she smiled. It softened her eyes.
