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John came up behind me and turned me away from the window. He was pointing to a couch. I squinted as I moved toward it. John was smoking again. I knew I should call home, but my parents were probably already out for dinner.
‘Why don’t you take off your shoes and get comfortable?’
John laid his cigarette in an ashtray on the coffee table. He stood in front of me and gently pushed me down onto the couch. Then he moved the table back a bit so he could kneel on the floor in front of me. Smoke was filling up the room. I squeezed my thighs.
‘It’s okay,’ John said, sliding off my shoes. ‘I like you a lot, you know.’
Holding my bare feet in his palms, John started sliding his fingers between my toes. I was sweating. I didn’t want him to do that. I curled up my feet and tried to pull them away.
‘Okay, okay. Anything you want, Mira,’ he said. But he didn’t let go. He started kneading the arches of my feet with his thumbs. I let my head lean back and closed my eyes. It made me stop feeling like a sound was going to come out. My hands were on the couch beside my hips. I was bracing myself. It was like he knew something about me.
‘You’ve got beautiful feet, Mira.’
I lifted my head. John was pulling my toes up to his lips. I couldn’t believe he wanted to do that! He was smiling, watching me trying to watch him. My eyes kept opening and closing. I couldn’t keep them open.
‘Relax, baby … ’
I felt my feet go all wet with his steam. A suction came down.
‘Mmmmmmira … ’
His slippery tongue pushed in and out of the cracks. My whole body started to shake. I thought for a second I was laughing with my mouth closed. John stopped and looked at me.
‘You’re a funny girl, you know,’ he said.
John stood up and took off his T-shirt. There was no more sun in the room.
‘I know you have a beautiful body under there.’
My teeth were chattering. A beautiful body? I stared down at my smashed thighs. I heard the zipper of John’s pants. My fingers were pushing under the elastic of my skirt. I wanted to do it and I didn’t. I was wiggling around. My underwear slid off at the same time as my skirt. I knew I should call home.
‘Oh man, that’s sexy.’
I felt my fingers behind me, unhooking my bra.
The father’s tongue makes her take off her clothes. The father puts his penis in the mother’s vagina.
‘Oh god, yeah. You have beautiful breasts.’
I stared at the hair above John’s penis. His penis was starting to jerk around. It moved to the side, looking soft then looking hard. It looked like a worm turning purple in the rain.
I wanted to get rid of the thing that was tightening inside me. I thought that if John just lay on top of me, everything would be fine. I knew what sex was. It was Nadia’s fist.
‘I could look at you like this forever, Mira.’ My vagina started to feel strange on the couch, like powder dissolving into the ground. ‘Aw, baby, why’re you cold?’
John’s body came down on me quick. His hairy chest pressed into my breasts. He was so heavy I didn’t think I could breathe. I felt his penis start to move on my thighs, there was some kind of stuff on it, shiny, lukewarm. I was going to say stop, but John put his lips directly over mine. He was kissing me hard. His tongue was in my mouth. I was breathing out the side.
‘Mmm, good, you really know how to kiss.’
I started doing it like he was, it seemed like forever. I bit into his lips and he bit my lips back. John’s hand wriggled down between both our stomachs. My legs spread wider. His finger poked around.
‘Shhhhh, shhhh. Babe, you’re so wet … ’
I tried to look down between the darkness of our bodies. John’s hand was holding the top of his penis. I moaned as he started to push it to my vagina. My moaning was there to keep the tiny space I had left between me and him. John was grimacing, wagging his penis up and down. He was pushing it deeper, then pulling it away. The head of his penis was shining with gloss.
‘Open up, baby, open your legs.’
I knew it wasn’t right. He was supposed to use a condom. But I felt myself plug. The plug made me mute.
