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‘What, Mira?’
‘I don’t know … ’
‘Yeah? What do you want to say?’
‘Nothing. I mean, I feel bad about last time.’
John reached for my little finger and squeezed it. He butted out his cigarette and then took my whole hand.
‘We’re gonna be okay. It’s all going to be okay.’
I didn’t want him to say that. That’s not what I meant. I just wanted to make sure he was okay. God, I didn’t want him to say that! I smelled the smoke and the coffee wafting off him.
John waited for me outside after work that day. He was standing there grinning with his hands behind his back. I thought: I am the one who’s done it this time. I didn’t leave it alone. I made this happen.
We walked back to his place in silence. My stomach was a mess. He’d cleaned up a bit in there. It didn’t smell as meaty as the last time either. I sat on the couch. John sat down beside me right away.
‘I’ve got to say it, Mira.’
I was staring out the window.
‘You look beautiful. I mean it. You are a beautiful, sexy girl.’
‘Stop.’
‘What? Hasn’t anyone ever told you that?’
‘Not like that.’
‘Like what?’
I glanced over at him. ‘Looking like you do and saying that.’
‘You mean looking at you like I want to kiss you?’ he asked.
I squeezed my lips together. I couldn’t stop them from turning into a smile.
John slid closer to me and took my face with his hands. His skin was dotted with sharp black hairs. Suddenly his tongue was everywhere in my mouth. I tensed my thighs. I was letting this happen all over again.
John pulled away first. Our lips came apart with a loud pop. My mouth felt like it was hanging from my face.
‘Now you look even more … You really look like a princess. Look, I’ll show you how beautiful you are, just wait.’
John jumped up and turned on the TV. He got out a video camera that was behind it. I just sat there staring. My body was beating from that kiss. I didn’t want to be on this couch again.
John was hunched down behind the video camera. It was a bit easier to look at him when his face was covered. ‘You see yourself, Mira?’
I was on the TV, leaning back against the couch. I’d never seen my face on a TV screen before. My cheeks were red. My lips were kind of open. That was what I looked like? That was how he saw me?
‘See how beautiful, baby? Look.’ John told me to shift to the left and relax my legs a little. ‘I’m not taping this, okay? I’m just showing you how pretty you look.’
I didn’t recognize myself. I thought I looked older than fifteen. I put my finger in my mouth and bit it to stop myself from saying out loud: Do I really look like that?
‘Yeah, baby, like that, that’s good,’ John was focusing in with the camera so that my head was at the top of the screen and my knees were at the bottom. The back of the couch was shining black behind me. I didn’t believe him that he wasn’t taping.
‘Mira, you’re a natural.’ I saw John’s cock pushing up inside his pants. ‘I gotta show this to Mikey. He’s going to love this.’
I watched my legs shifting on the screen. Am I sexy? Does every guy think so?
