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‘I called you, Ezrah. I don’t want to talk to my mother right now.’
‘Fuck! They just keep asking me if I’ve talked to you. I say, yeah I have and you’re doing fine, you just don’t feel like talking right now. But I can’t do that anymore. It’s been months, for fuck’s sake! Some girl died around there. Did you know that, Mira? I was freaking out and I couldn’t tell anyone, you hear me? I was freaking out. They found a girl’s body, she was completely naked, they knew she was a sex worker. Whatever, that’s what they called her in the papers … ’
‘I haven’t read the papers.’
‘I went down to the fucking police station, I drove all the way to the morgue with the police to see this poor girl. You know why I did that, huh?’
I didn’t ever call the police.
‘Because I thought it was you. Because I thought it was you. Because I fucking thought it was you!’
‘Sorry … ’
‘No. The cops told me they found saliva in her – not semen, just saliva. They don’t even think she’s from here, they think she’s from Russia somewhere, or Poland. No one’s come to get her. No one knows anything about her. All the girls at your club are Russian or something, aren’t they? It’s disgusting. She was so skinny. Her face was black around the eyes. She looked like a crow. I was the only fucking one who’d come down to see her! The police took a swab from my mouth, they said they knew it wasn’t me, but no one had come to get her. No one!’
I steadied my breath.
‘Did you know her? Mira?’
‘Yes.’
I closed my eyes and this is what I saw: on an empty highway with marked-up poles and drooping wires, Adi’s head at the side of the road. It was stuck in the gravel, neck trimmed, no gore. I crouched down close. I wasn’t afraid. Because I saw there were words etched into her forehead. Green and black letters that had bled through the skin.
It was written: This one lived according to my wishes.
I was a woman of faith.
‘It’s okay,’ I whispered, wanting to throw up. My mouth felt full, full of white cud.
‘I want to come get you. It doesn’t matter where you are. I’ll drive and come get you. Where are you, Mir? Just tell me.’
Ezrah’s voice had changed for a
moment. But still I couldn’t tell him where or how I was. I pressed my forehead into the receiver.
‘How’s school?’ I asked.
‘Why the fuck are you asking me that now?’
‘Just tell me how you are. That’s why I called.’
‘Just tell me where you are!’
‘I left, okay? That’s it. That’s all.’
‘Oh god. Thank god.’
Ezrah was excited. Why was he so excited?
‘God, Mir, that’s good. That’s amazing. I’m so relieved. That’s amazing.’
‘Okay.’
‘I’m so happy, Mira. That stuff wasn’t for you. You know that now, don’t you?’
What I know is that you are exactly the same.
‘Hey, Mir?’
