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He got up. “Are you going to answer me?”
“I don’t…” I closed my eyes, unable to form words. “I don’t know.”
He came over to stand by the counter, just a few steps from me. “I’m asking you because…” He paused, and his lips quirked in a self-mocking smile. “I know it’s not working for me. It never has. I felt it from the first day we met, that what we had would be different from anything I’d ever experienced before…and I know you felt it too.”
From the moment I locked eyes with you. I breathed. “I don’t…I’m not…” I stopped and sighed, unsure what I wanted to say.
He took a step toward me. “I never stopped wanting to be with you, Daphne. It hasn’t been just sex for me, almost from the beginning.”
I never wanted you to be alone again, not when I could be there for you.
As much as I wanted to wrap his words around me like a blanket, my head resisted, and a familiar panic bloomed in my chest. “What are you saying?” I asked in a rush. There was so much going through my mind. I’d rejected him once already, and since then we’d let the naked physicality of our need for each other dictate our relationship. Now, though…
“I don’t do commitment.” I said the words as if I was reciting them from a speech I’d memorized in another lifetime. “I never have. I can’t have feelings for you…for anyone…because I need to be able to walk away.” I turned my panicked eyes to his. “Don’t you understand? I need to be able to know I’m never going to feel abandoned again.”
Jason’s voice was patient. “Not everyone is going to abandon you.”
My voice was high. “What if you can’t help it?”
He made a frustrated sound. “What if whatever hypothetical you imagine in the future is not worth sacrificing what we have right now?”
What if…
What if…
I stared at my hands. My chest felt unbelievably tight. “I have to be able to walk away,” I repeated blankly.
“Are you going to walk away from Amy?” he asked softly. “Are you going to walk away from every single friend you’ve ever made and keep doing it all your life?”
I could, I told myself. I could if I had to.
He exhaled. “You want to be free to walk away from me? And feel nothing?” His voice was heartbreakingly gentle, and he took my hand, curling his warm, firm fingers around mine. “Can’t you see it’s already too late? Whatever you’re afraid of, it’s already happened. I can’t walk away from you, and I don’t believe you can be so blind that you still think you can dismiss what we have.”
“What do we have?” I was searching desperately for an out. “You admitted at your parents’ that it was just sex. You said tonight that I’m a booty call. We have a casual sexual relationship.”
His eyes flared. “Stop it. You know that’s not true. I said those things…because I was hurt. I’ve never wanted to be with someone the way I want to be with you, and every day you act like it’s just some…mutual sex thing that will fade away, it fucking hurts me, and for God’s sake, I can see it hurts you too.”
I closed my eyes. “Jason…”
“Listen to me,” he said softly, “you don’t have to be alone. Just say the word and you’ll never have to be.”
Something relaxed inside of me. My eyes were wet as I raised them to his, and I tried to smile. “What word?” I asked, my voice soft.
His eyes widened then he smiled and drew me to him, his fingers tightening around mine. “How about stay?” he said. “That’s a good word.”
I pulled in a breath. I felt free and happy, at peace with what I was about to do. ‘Stay,” I whispered.
His chest rose. “As long as you want.”
Chapter Seven
I went to sleep with him holding me, and when I woke up in the early hours of the morning, he was still there. He’d undressed and joined me in bed, holding me under the covers all night. I watched him sleep, marveling at how innocent he looked. There was no hint of the teasing, the confidence, or the magnetic sexiness. It was just Jason, beautiful, perfect…and mine.
Mine.
I sighed in contentment and he opened his eyes.
“What time is it?”
