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There was a long silence from his end then, “Daphne.” He said my name so softly it made me want to cry.
“I’m here.”
“Is there something wrong?”
“No.” I exhaled, sure he could hear the lie in my voice. “Everything is fine.”
“You’re sure?”
“Yes!” I forced a laugh. “Why do you think there’s something wrong?”
“I just…” I heard him sigh. “It’s nothing. Why don’t you get back to work? I’ll see you later.”
“Yeah,” I replied. “Later.”
I left work early, choosing to walk home instead of getting a ride. I needed the long walk to clear my head and try to escape the crushing sadness I was feeling.
I had tried to decide what to do. The sensible thing was to tell Jason. Whatever anger or betrayal he would feel about me going behind his back to speak to his mother would pale quickly when he learned the truth.
And then what? He’d have to deal with the knowledge that he had a fifty percent chance of succumbing to a debilitating sickness with no cure at an early age?
Fifty percent chance—those words gave me the only hope I could muster. There was a chance Jason wasn’t affected. He could get tests done to confirm, and everything would go back to normal.
If he wasn’t affected.
If he was…
How would he take it? How would he ever accept that he had a blade hanging over his future?
Will you tell him?
I walked past bright displays in store windows. In my mind, even the mannequins seemed to be whispering.
Will you tell him?
All my adult life, I’d lived with the fear that if I allowed myself to love, one day I would be left behind again, the way I had been when I was sixteen. I’d kept my heart behind a wall. I had protected myself, and now, the moment I finally let someone in, the moment I finally allowed myself to feel safe, to enjoy the satisfaction of being with Jason, fate had decided to play this cruel joke.
I’ll never leave you.
Except, he couldn’t promise that anymore. None of us could, to tell the truth, but when the specter of debilitating mental illness became a reality that was only a matter of time, all promises became useless.
Will you tell him?
My phone buzzed in my purse. I pulled it out and read the message from Jason.
Dinner at my place? I can pick you up from work.
I stopped walking and blinked back tears. How would I be able to face him? We hadn’t even seen each other, and he could already tell something was wrong. Face to face, I doubted I would be able to hold back.
I just couldn’t bring myself to tell him, not yet.
I’ve already had dinner, I typed quickly.
He didn’t respond.
Will you tell him?
I can’t, because I don’t care. I don’t care what happens. I’m going to love him for as long as I live.
