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“We’re not talking about all that today,” I said with forced cheerfulness as I went to the window. The view of the lake from her room was like a painting in the late afternoon light. “I see why you decided to become a photographer, surrounded by views like these.”
She snorted at my attempt to change the subject, but she avoided talking about Jason for the rest of the afternoon. Soon, people started to arrive, and we went down to join the others.
Jason had arrived while we were upstairs, and I saw him as soon as I descended the stairs. He came into the hall holding two bottles of champagne for his father’s consideration, and as Grant studied them, Jason looked up and our eyes locked.
My stomach knotted and I tried to smile, but my face felt stiff. I kept walking, leaving Amy behind and going to the garden to join the other guests.
The party was lively. There was a band, and after the classical tunes while we were eating, they moved on to pop anthems after dinner. Most of the guests were people Colin worked with, Amy’s friends, and some family friends. Colin’s mother was bobbing her head to the music, and she smiled when she saw me looking.
“Daphne, right? Amy’s roommate.” She was a tall woman with a crisp accent, like Colin’s only just a little bit softer.
I nodded.
“She talks a lot about you. Why aren’t you dancing?”
I laughed and shook my head. “I don’t feel like much of a dancer today.”
“Did Amy tell you I’m a librarian? She says you love to read.”
We talked about books for a while then the music changed to a slow song.
“You really shouldn’t be talking to me while this song is playing.” She laughed and looked behind me. “Jason,” she said. I turned in the direction she was facing and saw him standing only a few feet away. “Come on,” Colin’s mother said. “This is a nice song, why don’t you take your girlfriend for a spin.”
I’m not his girlfriend. The words hovered on my tongue, and it hurt that they were true now. I couldn’t keep fooling myself. He had pushed me away and closed all the doors. I was holding on to a foolish hope that he would see reason.
If it never happened, where would that leave me?
Jason smiled, dazzling me and making my heart ache at the same time. “Why not?” he said softly, taking my hand. I followed him to the area of lawn that had been marked as the dance floor, and he pulled me close. The music was slow, and as we moved together, I kept my body away from his, resisting the urge to sink into his arms.
“You look lovely,” he whispered.
I exhaled. “Thank you.” I paused. “How’s your mother?”
He stiffened. “She’s okay.”
I closed my eyes, wanting nothing more than to rest my head on his chest, to breathe him in and allow myself to feel at home. I let out a shaky breath, and his hand tightened on my back.
Amy and Colin were dancing slowly, eyes closed.
“They look happy,” Jason said.
Suddenly, it was too much. I stopped moving and took a step back. “I need a moment,” I said, feeling close to tears. I left him and walked into the house, not sure where I was going. I wandered through the living room and kitchen and went out through the back door.
In the distance, the lake shimmered, inviting me. I hitched up the hem of my dress and cut across the lawn, heading for the water. There was a wooden deck that led directly into the lake, and a pebbled path cut through the grassy shore. I took off my shoes and walked a small distance along the water. I ached to leave everything behind, to just keep walking until my pain disappeared.
But that was wishful thinking. After a few minutes, I turned back toward the house, and as I drew close, I saw Jason’s tall figure walking toward me.
I stopped, waiting as he came right at me.
“You didn’t have to follow me,” I said. “I’m fine. I just needed a moment.”
“Away from me.”
I sighed. “Are you surprised?”
“No,” he said. “No, of course not.” I started to walk, and he held out a hand to stop me. “I want to talk to you,” he said. “I’d been hoping to get you alone at some point.”
I shook my head. “Almost everything you say these days hurts me. Maybe I’m done taking the punishment.”
