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This wasn’t at all what he expected her to say. “Where is this coming from?”
“I just don’t know where we stand anymore. We’re not dating. We’re not living together. Are we even still friends?”
Her bald statement of the facts as she saw them swept his feet out from under him. It was as if his world had tilted and his head connected with the pavement. His thoughts g
rew foggy and indistinct.
“My feelings for you haven’t changed.”
“You can’t seriously believe that’s true.” Melody opened her car door and slipped out, leaving Kyle staring at nothing.
She was halfway to the building before he roused himself and chased after her. “Okay,” he said as he caught up with her. “Maybe we’re not in the same place as we were before you left on the tour, but that doesn’t mean I’m done. I want you in my life. I want to be there for our baby. How do you see your future?”
“Honestly, I sort of go back and forth between wanting us to be a happy family and thinking it might be better if I raise this baby on my own.”
“That’s not going to happen.” His father hadn’t been there for him. Kyle intended for his child to have a loving, attentive father.
“Because it hurts when I think how much I love you and wonder if you’ll ever feel the same about me.” They stopped before the elevator and she gave him a long searching look. “I’m afraid to have my heart broken.”
Kyle wished he could tell her he’d never hurt her, but he already had when he’d assumed she’d hooked up with Hunter that night in New York City. And again just yesterday when he jumped to the wrong conclusion about the baby’s paternity. Why couldn’t he just put his faith in her and in their relationship?
Because he didn’t know how.
His parents hadn’t given him the emotional tools to be successful in a romantic partnership. His father had ruthlessly controlled all feelings good and bad, preferring to navigate through life’s up and downs with logic. Kyle’s mother on the other hand was a fearful, anxious woman who loved her son almost too much. Trapped between an emotional storm and an impassive granite wall, Kyle had stopped expressing how he felt and let everyone think he was okay all the time.
His teammates in school and then in the major leagues called him the Iceman because he was always chill. But it was a mask, not a true representation of how he felt. No matter how relaxed and unaffected he looked, inside he seethed with doubt, desire and sometimes disappointment.
But thanks to his father’s tutelage, Kyle’s first reaction to everything life threw at him was to slide on his aviator sunglasses and summon an enigmatic smile. No matter what the stakes, how bad the loss or how well he pitched, he was the Iceman. Even after his first no-hitter, he’d given only a sly smile to the mass of reporters who’d come to interview him in the aftermath.
“I don’t want to hurt you,” Kyle said and meant it, but he knew he didn’t always behave the way she needed him to.
Sometimes it was as if what made him so happy in their relationship was the exact thing that caused him to regress back to the self-protective behaviors he learned in childhood. He retreated from strong emotion instead of owning it. These last few months since he’d thought he lost her to Hunter had been some of the worst of his life.
Instead of reaching out and telling her how afraid he was to lose her, he’d shoved down his fears and made it seem as if he was okay. But he wasn’t okay. In fact, he was a mess, which was why he’d jumped to the wrong conclusion about her feelings for Hunter.
While Melody checked in with the receptionist, Kyle glanced around the waiting area, seeing women in various stages of pregnancy. This was really happening. He was going to be a father. Time to step up and take care of the mother of his child. Whatever that meant.
“I think we should get married,” he said as she took a seat beside him.
Her eyes widened. “You’re kidding, right?”
“Not at all. It makes sense. I don’t want to be a part-time father and we are good together.”
“Good together?” She looked at him as if he’d sprouted a second head. “We’ve barely spoken to each other these last few months. Neither one of us is very good at communicating how we feel.” Like Kyle had, she regarded the other expectant mothers in their various stages of pregnancy. “I don’t think we’re ready for marriage.”
Although her answer frustrated him, Kyle reminded himself that it wasn’t always going to be like this between them. He would find a way to make things all right again.
“So we work on our communication,” he said, hoping she grasped how determined he was to make things work.
“How are we going to do that?”
“We’ll go see a couples counselor. Someone who can teach us how to express ourselves in a positive way.”
Her stiff posture highlighted her discomfort. “I don’t know.”
“Look,” he said. “We might have been able to walk away months ago, but things have changed. And I’d like to point out that while we’ve hit a rough patch, I don’t see either one of us calling it quits.” He chose to ignore that not ten minutes earlier she’d suggested they break up.
“I agree we should make an effort to be friends again for the sake of the baby.” She looked flustered and unsure what she planned to say next. “But marriage is a huge leap.”
