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“And I wish that I could give you what you want, Con. But I can’t.” I cradle my belly. “I can’t kill her. I’m sorry. I’m not capable of killing her. She’s mine now and maybe she’s only a bunch of cells right now and I don’t even know for sure if she’s a she but I can’t. Please, Con. I’m sorry.”
After I’m done, it feels like Con studies me for the longest time.
For the longest time, he doesn’t say anything.
And as I said to him just now, it hurts.
It hurts that my brothers might never forgive me. That one decision, the most important decision that I’ve ever made, is going to tear us apart.
And it hurts even more when Conrad looks away from me and addresses Reed. “Are you aware that my sister wanted to go to Juilliard?”
Clenching my eyes shut, I bow my head.
“Yes,” Reed says from behind me.
But he doesn’t stay there.
He comes forward. He stands toe to toe with my brother, both tall and strong.
“She’s wanted it ever since she was five,” Con tells him. “I took her to all her dance classes. I attended all her recitals and shows. And then I watched her get kicked out of her ballet studio.”
My eyes are on my brother but I know the lines around Reed’s mouth have tightened. I can feel it.
“After me,” Reed says in a low voice.
“After you,” Conrad continues as he stares at Reed. “I also watched while she got arrested. I went with her to the police station. I watched while her future hung in the balance. But you know that part, don’t you? You brought me the deal.”
“It wasn’t enough.”
“No, it wasn’t. She still had to go to that school. She still had to live in a dorm, follow all the stupid fucking rules. Because of what you did to her. How you used her and abused her trust. For a sport.”
“I know.”
Reed’s voice has gone threadbare. It has become a series of gruff syllables and grunts and I fist my hands at my sides. Because for some reason I want to touch him.
I want to take his hand in mine and give it a squeeze.
But I won’t.
I can’t.
Definitely not in front of my brothers. I’ve betrayed them so many times. I can’t keep making the same mistake.
“Now, Callie tells me that you gave up soccer for her. To get her freedom. That correct?”
Reed’s bruised jaw tics for a moment or two before he replies, “Soccer was just a means to an end. And yeah, I gave that up. I’d do it again though.”
I have to part my lips at that, along with digging my nails in my palms and curling my toes.
I have to breathe through my mouth as I watch Reed standing up to Conrad like this.
For me.
“Means to an end,” Con murmurs. “Something to do with your father, I presume.”
“Yes.”
“Your father is an asshole.”
Reed throws Conrad a short nod. “Something we agree on.”
Conrad nods too. “But I don’t care about that, you understand?”
“I wouldn’t expect you to.”
“Good. Because I care about my sister.”
Another short nod. “I know.”
“Are you aware,” Conrad says and shifts on his feet, “that she’s going to quit school and get a job. An apartment. She’s also thinking of quitting ballet. So apparently, you’ve ruined her life. You’ve broken her dream, a dream she’s had since she was five.”
“Not yet.”
Conrad wasn’t expecting this answer. I wasn’t either.
“Care to explain that?”
I see Reed’s chest undulating, his nostrils flaring as he shifts on his feet. “I know you hate me. I get that. I respect that. I respect how protective you are of your siblings. How you’ve always been protective of them. I’d watch you, you know. Back then. Back when I was a kid. I’d watch how you always walked a step behind them. How you’d always keep an eye on them when you were around town. How you sometimes rode the bus with them to drop them off at school. I watched you. And then you became my coach and I saw how protective you were of your players. Of the game. The integrity of the game, of the players. I both liked and hated that about you. Especially when it interfered with my agenda. When I wanted to do things my way. When I wanted to win. Not the game. I mean, yeah the game but it was more about sticking it to my asshole father than anything else.
“So if you want to take a swing at me right now, break my bones, rearrange my face for being selfish and reckless and exactly what you always thought I was, then you’re welcome to it. But I want you to know one thing. I want you to know that I’m going to make sure her dreams are safe. I broke her heart once. But I’m not going to break her dreams too. I haven’t done much in life for other people. I’ve always been too wrapped up in my own shit. Besides, the world can go to hell, I don’t care. It’s full of crap anyway. But you and I, we can both agree on one thing at least: Your sister is one good thing in this world and I screwed her over. But I’m not going to do that anymore. I’m not going to fuck her up more than I already have.”
