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“How’d that pepper spray taste in your mouth? Your eyes are still a little red and puffy. Might want to get them checked out.”
“Why don’t you come back to the hotel and check them out for me?”
“I can’t believe you just asked me that.”
“Emily Flanagan, I am shocked! I just wanted to sit in the lobby and chat about the favor I need from you and the dare you can’t turn down. So, I guess sexual harassment is why you got fired from the Vipers. Wow… just when you think you know a person.”
“You don’t know me. And I—” Clap-clap. “Don’t care—” Clap-clap. “About the dare—” Clap-clap. “Go away!”
“That was a cute little cheer. Did you just make that up last night, when you couldn’t stop thinking about me? Wait! Come back! Teach me the arm movements for the cheer, so we can do it together at the steak fry!”
“Oooh, I’ll have what she’s having. That looks delicious.”
“No, he won’t. He’s not staying.”
“Yes, I am.”
“No, he’s not.”
“Yes, I am.”
“No, he—”
“Look, I can do this all day. It’s the offseason, and I’m bored. Wouldn’t it just be easier to let me sit here next to you at the counter at The Barge, which I’ve been told has the best diner food anywhere?”
“Check, please!”
“You didn’t even finish your cheeseburger and tater tots. Oh, these are good.”
“Stop eating my tots!”
“Stop refusing to accept my dare. This favor I need includes food. Really good food, which neither one of us has to pay for.”
“How good?”
“Baby, you will weep after one bite of the truffle mac and cheese.”
“No.”
“I saw you shiver. The truffles turned you on, didn’t they? Just accept the dare, and I’ll tell you all about this super easy and really quick favor.”
“Go home.”
“I can’t believe you’re going to just abandon the tots like this. Now I see why you got fired. Oh my God, did you just throw a tot at me?”
“Fancy running into you at the grocery store! Chili Cheese Fritos, Cool Ranch Doritos, dark chocolate truffles, cookie dough, Oreos, and a whole wheel of cheese. Is someone having a bad day because of me?”
“Go. Away.”
“Not until you accept my dare. Come on, you know you want to.”
“The only thing I want to accept right now is that your fly is open.”
“Like I’m gonna fall for—Shit!”
“Getting a dick pic on the internet is horrifying enough; I don’t need to see one in person. Have a lovely day. Now, go home.”
“Are you following me?”
“I think you’re following me. I was in the pharmacy first. Got a little headache and needed some aspirin. If you’re looking for condoms, they’re in aisle four, and I’m an extra-large.”
“I guess I’ll need an extra-small then.”
“Yikes, tough break. Sounds like you’re going to have a really bad evening. My condolences.”
“Please go away.
“Not until you accept the dare. Wow, you actually flinch when I say the word dare. This is fun! I dare you, I dare you, I da—Heeey, don’t walk away now. It was just getting exciting. And you forgot your extra-small condoms for the horrible evening you’re going to have!”
“Girl, shake that Laffy Taffy… that Laffy Taffy. Shake—”
“Will you stop singing that song?”
“We’re in Chew on This, and I’m currently perusing a selection of the finest saltwater taffy. Exactly what song would you suggest I sing?”
“We are not in Chew on This. I am in Chew on This, helping Wren refill Shepherd’s vanilla taffy drawer, and you followed me. You don’t need to sing any songs, because you need to—”
“Go away, yes, we’ve established that. I’ll go away if you say yes to the dare. And show me the dance you guys did to this song when we played Kansas City. It was hot.”
“Have you been… watching my old videos? That dance was from my first season with the team, four years ago.”
“I was just scrolling, and it happened to pop up!”
“Uh-huh, sure. Creeper.”
“Don’t listen to her, Quinn. She has a poster of you hanging in her bedroom.”
“Wren! What the fuck?”
“My, my, my, how the tables have turned.”
“There are no turning tables. It’s a poster of the entire team, from the bicentennial game at Vipers Stadium. It’s a collector’s item.”
“Then why is Quinn’s face the only one rubbed off, because you kiss it every time you walk out of your room?”
“Wren Bennett, you’re my new best friend.”
“You, shut up and go home. And Wren, you’re dead to me.”
“I heard a rumor. Want to know what it is?”
“Oh my God… I can’t even grab a drink at SIG alone. I swear to all that is holy, Tess, if you snitched about my location, you’re—”
“She’s dead to you. Yeah, got it. Your friends seem to be dropping off at an alarming rate. Tess, I’ll take whatever you have on draft, and I promise, you’ll never be dead to me.”
