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The lights were already dimmed when I made it to my seat. Reese was standing on her chair as she and Kelly talked about their favorite songs from Alex & Oliver. When the light show began onstage, I could sense that the whole audience was feeling butterflies. There seemed to be a nervous energy about Oliver’s arrival. Many wondered aloud if he was going to be a no-show again. Many were skeptical that he was going to actually perform. But even with their doubts, they’d still shown up. Because their love for Oliver was still there, even with the letdowns.
He made his way to the stand and stood there for a moment as the crowd went wild. Every time he opened his mouth to speak, the crowd cheered louder, shouting their love for him. I saw the moment it hit him too. When his eyes glassed over and the emotions flooded in.
Oliver cleared his throat as he adjusted the microphone in front of him. “To be honest, I wasn’t sure if anyone was going to show up tonight after my last failed attempt of a show. Then, with how the last few months have gone with me in the tabloids, I considered staying hidden. But there was something bigger than my fear that made me want to come out of hiding. Something worth fighting for,” he said as his eyes looked toward me.
Butterflies.
A million butterflies.
“We always believed in you, Oliver!” someone screamed.
“We’ll always be here, Oliver! We love you!” someone else shouted from the crowd.
“I love you too,” he apprehensively snickered. “I, um, to be honest I’ve been going through a very rough patch lately. As many of you know, I lost my best friend a few months back, and I didn’t handle it in the best way possible. But I was lucky enough to have a team who didn’t give up on me. I want you all to know that you are a part of that team. Thank you for showing up for me, even though I’m flawed.”
He brushed his hand beneath his nose, and I could almost feel his nerves tingling through my system. “I went over and over how to start this show tonight. I thought about coming out here with insane energy and performing like a madman up here. I thought the bigger, the better, like my brother. My brother was a force on the stage. His energy was magical, but that wasn’t who I was, and that’s not who I am now. Truthfully, I’ve been feeling pretty small these past months. So, in the spirit of being authentic, I figured we’d start that way tonight, and build up. Is that okay with you, Los Angeles?”
The City of Angels cheered him on.
“Okay, so this is my brother’s guitar. I figured I should play it as a way of having him here onstage with me. But a sweet little girl reminded me that he’s always with me, even if I can’t see him. So, we are going back in time with the first song that Alex and I ever recorded together. If you’re an ancient fan, you know it. If you’re new, here’s a part of me. And I apologize ahead of time if I get lost in myself. I’m trying my best. This is ‘Heart Stamps.’”
My hand flew to my chest as Reese and Kelly began jumping up and down as Oliver began to play the song that saved me during so many of my darkest days.
As he began singing, his voice filled the arena like magic dust. The words rolled off his tongue as if they were a part of his soul, and he was sharing it all with us. Everything was going fine, until he looked out into the audience when he got to the chorus, and he stumbled over his emotions.
“And I’ll keep your heart stamped,” he began, but the overwhelming feelings overtook him, and he stepped away from the microphone as tears began to roll down his cheeks. I wanted to rush up to hold him. I wanted him to feel my comfort, that he wasn’t alone in that very moment. But I quickly realized that he didn’t need my comfort in that very moment.
He had ten thousand people surrounding him with love, singing the lyrics that his voice struggled to push out.
I’ll keep your heart stamped
Right against mine, every beat, every time
I’ll keep your heart stamped
Through the dark days you face, and the shadows you’ve chased
Your heart stamps with mine.
Your heart stamps on mine.
Everything will be fine
Because your heart beats in sync with mine.
It was the most powerful moment I’d ever witnessed. Oliver stepped closer to the microphone, tears still falling, but I could tell they were now from the love that filled that arena. He began strumming the guitar again and singing as the chorus came back around.
