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I take a seat at one of the benches, setting my coffee on the ground. “Thanks, Grandma.”
“Of course.” She pauses. “How are you holding up?”
I swallow against the lump in my throat. “I’m fine,” I lie. “What about you?”
“Hanging in there. It’s hard to believe it’s been a year.”
I flick a tear away. “I know. Hey, Grandma, I’ve gotta get to work,” I say, cutting the conversation short. I don’t have to work, but I also don’t want to talk about this right now. “Can I call you later?”
“Take your time. I’m sending something in the mail for your birthday, so be on the lookout.”
“Sounds good. Love you.”
Once we hang up, I pull my headphones out of my backpack and hit play before pulling them over my ears. Moving out was always a part of the plan. I can’t stay there forever. I just didn’t expect it to feel like this.
“Why The Outsiders?” I ask, my cheek resting
on Jesse’s bare chest.
“What?” he grumbles, sounding half-asleep. When he picked me up from school earlier, I didn’t mention the phone call from my grandma. I’m not ready to leave just yet.
“The Outsiders. What do you like so much about it?”
Jess stretches, then his hand comes down onto my bare back, tracing his fingertips across my skin until goosebumps form in their wake. “When I was a kid, my mom would lock me in my room whenever Lo wasn’t around to keep me out of her hair.”
I feel my stomach twist at his words. He says it so casually, like it’s the most common thing in the world.
“One time, I was in there for over a day. Lo stayed at her friend’s house, and I’m pretty sure my mom forgot about me. I didn’t have a TV or anything, and I’d sung every song I knew to pass the time. My stomach was growling, and the sun was going down, so I started cleaning up the room, looking for something to eat.”
I press a kiss to his chest, my eyes burning with unshed tears.
“I didn’t find anything to eat, but I did find that book. I think Lo must’ve brought it home from school or something,” he muses. “Anyway, I read the whole thing in one sitting, which I thought was impressive as hell back then. Lo unlocked the door the next morning, and she never left me alone again after that.”
“I hate your mom,” I whisper.
“Me, too.” Jess yawns. “I read it all the time after that. You know that poem in there? ‘Nothing Gold Can Stay’?”
I nod. I’ve never read the book, but I’m familiar with the poem.
“Nothing perfect and beautiful can last forever. It resonated with me, even as a kid. After being disappointed so many times, you’re bound to lose hope in everything.”
We’re both quiet for a while, lost in our own thoughts, until eventually, his breathing starts to even out, turning into soft snores.
* * *
“ALLIE!”
I turn at the sound of my name to see Dylan standing there, hands in his front pockets, looking contrite. I haven’t talked to him since the night at The Lamppost, and I’m still mad at him for provoking Jess. Hunter and Caleb came into Blackbear yesterday, and I gave him the twelve-hundred bucks Victor gave me, telling him to divide it amongst themselves. When they asked why I didn’t want it, I gave them a very watered-down version of what happened. And by the look on Dylan’s face, they filled him in on it.
I keep walking toward the parking lot at school, but he jogs over, falling into step next to me. “Albert, come on. Are you okay?”
“I’m fine.”
“You needed me—”
I pause, facing him. “What I need is for you to explain,” I say, cutting him off. “Why did you provoke Jess like that? That was a fucked-up thing to do.”
“I know.” He chews on his lip ring.
