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Am I really going to tell him the truth? That my confidence isn’t an issue anymore? That my connection with Quinn transcends my fear and insecurity? That I’m afraid for her, not of her? Quinn has had enough villains in her life. I refuse to be another one on her list.
I’m not going to share her secrets with him. That’s for sure. It’s her story to tell, not mine. But maybe Cole will have a new perspective on this.
“I choked her…once. While we were…” I clear my throat. Cole raises his head from the guy he was concentrating on and grins like an idiot.
“Oh, Carter.” He shakes his head like I’m a fecking wee child, and why is this so upsetting to me? I become beet red, I know that, so I look away, focusing on shoving my thumbs into my guy’s eyes and pressing hard, threatening him with what’s to come if he won’t start singing.
“What?” I grit. “She’s been through too much. The last thing she needs is a piece of shite like me making things worse. You don’t know about her past.” Quinn filled me in on some of it, and if I hadn’t already killed her da, I’d do it all over again.
“Apples and oranges.” He shakes his head again. Holy shite, I’m going to fecking end this wanker if he doesn’t stop with this rubbish. “You’ll see what I mean. It’s okay, Carter. It’s going to be okay.”
I don’t like his answer. He’s talking like I haven’t done anything wrong, but I know I did. I know I fucked up. The worst part is, I want to do it again.
We hear a thump outside the door, and my eyes snap up to Cole’s. He nods and slips out quietly. I put a finger to my lips, warning the bastard in front of me to keep his trap shut. Cole returns a moment later, shaking his head dismissively.
“Just some club bunny looking for the bathroom. Made about seventeen wrong turns.”
“Help me! Heeeelp!” this motherfucker screams, knowing his last chance of getting out of here unscathed just walked away.
Anger makes me squeeze my thumbs harder into the Italian lad’s eyes.
“Where’s Stefano?” I let out a toxic hiss.
He wails so hard the walls rattle.
“Fine. Fine! I’ll tell you. Goddammit, I’ll tell you. Just stop this already!”
He gives me the full address in a heartbeat. I make a mental note of it.
I still squeeze his eyeballs out, though.
Sorry. Had a bad day.
Four long weeks have passed since Carter came to my rescue. Four weeks of confusion and haze. Carter never contacted me again after he dropped me off at my apartment. He didn’t say goodbye or call afterward. But now there’s one of Graham’s soldiers standing at the entrance of my building twenty-four seven, protecting me.
He does a day shift, and another guy replaces him for a night shift.
Every day. Day in and day out.
I’m not allowed to leave.
I don’t want to leave.
I have nowhere to go. I call Carter…a lot. I’m not proud of that, but there’s nothing else I can do. Jade came to visit a few days ago, so pregnant I thought she was about to burst, and tried to cheer me up. Told me that once everything is over with the Italians, Carter will see that no one else is coming after me, and my life will get back on track.
But I don’t want it to.
I have nothing to live for. I don’t want to go back and work at Hot N’ Bothered. It was only meant to be temporary, anyway. The only thing I liked was working next to Carter, Jade, and Selene.
I think the worst part is that he stopped visiting me. Following me. Maybe even wanting me. It’s like he cut all ties. I can’t reach him on the phone, and I don’t feel him looking at me at night. He doesn’t stop by my window, doesn’t climb up my balcony, and definitely doesn’t use his key anymore. I thought I was unhappy before, but this? This is like living in the dark your entire life. You’re comfortable there. You’ve accepted it, because you don’t know any better. You don’t know what you’re missing. But then one day, you feel the sun on your face and you know that you can’t ever go back to the dark. Except the sun goes away again, before you ever really had a chance to enjoy it. Now, I know what I’m missing. Carter is my sun, my light, and I can’t go back to a life of darkness.
All I seem to do is sleep and cry. I’m not hungry anymore. Even the smell of food makes me sick.
I hear a knock at the door, but I don’t even budge. I don’t want to see anyone, and it’s probably one of Graham’s men letting me know that he’s starting his shift at my door. I curl further into the corner of my couch with a big blanket and Gia snuggled into my side. She must sense that something happened, because she’s not as much of an asshole anymore.
The pounding continues, harder this time. “Listen, Rapunzel. I know you’re busy being all sad and locked in your tower, but I have a seven pound baby sitting on my bladder. If you don’t open the door, I’m going to pee right here on your welcome mat, and that would just be plain rude.”
I roll my eyes and wrap the blanket around me as I head to the door. Jade has been coming over, trying to force-feed me and get me to talk about what happened. So far, she’s zero for zero. She even came over on Christmas, but I couldn’t bring myself to even say his name.
