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“I’m going to take your virginity, and not gently. I am going to come inside you, and not once. See, I planted a seed. I watered it, took care of it. I gave it sun and oxygen and a nice place to grow. And now…” His lips meet mine, but he’s still talking, not kissing me, but teasing. “Now I’m going to harvest. All my hard work boils down to this….” His index finger slices through my body, running down my stomach and between my legs. I moan, leaning into him, but before I could rub myself against him, he leaves my proximity, opens the door and stands in the threshold, still looking cold and nonchalant.
“Have fun, and make sure this shit folds up before one a.m. If I were you, I wouldn’t get too tanked or push my limits. I want you sober, conscious and willing. Understood? Oh, and don’t wear anything too revealing, unless you want your little boyfriends to lose their eyeballs.”
I nod slowly still in shock. It’s going to happen. It is really going to happen.
“Words. Fucking use them,” he prompts me, but his voice is not as cut and dry as he usually is.
“Understood,” I answer back.
And oh, I can’t wait.
I’m wearing a baby-pink Herve Leger number and the kind of heels only a pin-up girl can feel comfortable in. I let my hair air dry after my shower earlier, so a few loose curls is all it takes. I look good, and I know it. Not because of the dress I’m wearing or the way I did my makeup, but because I shine. I smile widely, an honest to God, happy smile, something you don’t see very often on my face, and fantasize about tonight. About having sex with Graham and about spending my life with him. About moving to the master bedroom and fulfilling a dream I didn’t even know I had, to be someone’s beloved. To have a steady boyfriend. To live with a man.
“Oh my God, Dahl, bomb-ass party!” Jason, a quarterback, flings himself over me with a huge hug. He is talking to me over the music, I think Jade is playing “Hype” by Dizzee Rascal, his arm over my shoulder casually as he yells into my ear. Normally, I wouldn’t even think about it. But tonight? Tonight I’m afraid Graham is going to barge downstairs and strangle him. I know he’ll never willingly get out of his office to join the party, but he’s got cameras everywhere in this house. I can’t chance it.
“So nice to see you, Jason, hope you enjoy the party.” I kill the conversation prematurely, worming out of his touch and scurrying to the other side of the living room. The lights are dim and people are dancing with each other, thrusting hips, giggling into ears, leaning against the walls and making out. Some kids are sitting on the stairway, making it harder for couples to climb up and look for a quiet room to do filthy things in, and I find it comforting. I don’t envy the person who bumps into Graham Savage late at night trying to sneak into his room.
“You look weird,” Britney tells me, elbowing my ribs. She’s wearing a cherry-red mini dress and her hair is a messy bun of auburn locks. “Like you can’t wait for us to fuck off. Now why’s that?” She slurps her drink with a noisy sound that makes me cringe. I guess I am too distracted with my step-dad to enjoy this. But I just shake my head, a thin smile finding my face.
“Sorry. Just…turning eighteen. It’s heavy, dude.”
“At least now you can move away from your mom.” She shrugs. My mouth dries. Britney, who is good friends with me and Jade since freshman year, explains. “Remember when we just met, and you said you hate your mom and can’t wait to move out? I always thought about that. I remember the things she made you do when you were little, you being her little errand girl. And I always kind of wondered if you’d follow through with your plan to leave her. Especially as the Savage Mansion looks so comfy.”
I wasn’t the only well-off student in my high school, we had a lot of people from Princeton, but Graham Savage made it a point to have the biggest mansion in the neighborhood.
Britney was staring at me intently, her eyes gliding down my body, waiting for my response.
“Well…” I shrug, clutching onto the drink in my hand. It’s beer, and not from a keg either. We were able to afford the nice pretty bottles with the money Graham spent on my birthday party. “I haven’t thought about it, really.”
“Bullshit.” A smile spreads on Britney’s face. “You don’t just go from not liking your mother to forgetting you wanted to run away from her. Tell me. What’s next after you graduate?”
I’m going to kick my mom out of the house and live with my step-dad, who is upstairs, plotting how to ruin my vagina for all other men as we speak.
“My mom has a boyfriend and I’m pretty sure she is planning to leave with him, so….” I downplay the whole thing. “Maybe the problem will solve itself.”
“And where will you live?”
“Here.” I look around me, swallowing visibly. Britney’s mouth falls open, and I guess that’s my cue to avoid the next question that’s about to fall from her mouth. I put one hand over her shoulder, smiling broadly. “Hey, I need to go find Jade, thank her for this kick-ass party. I’ll see you in a bit, okay?”
With that, I bolt upstairs, bypassing the drunkies on the stairs and walking straight in the direction of Graham’s office. I have to see him. Have to tell him that I can’t wait anymore. I don’t care if there’s almost two hundred people in this house. It’s big enough for us to lock the door somewhere quiet and do it.
I walk the wide, half-lit hallway, swinging my hips seductively, licking my lips in anticipation for what’s to come. I’m just about to knock on his office’s door when I feel a hand grabbing me to the guest room right next to his, jerking me inside the dark, small space.
I giggle at first, pressing my body against the person who grabbed me. The hand was warm and big, like a man’s, but it was a little too smooth and not quite as giant as Graham’s. Then again I had two drinks to take the edge off the whole situation so it is totally possible that I’m just imagining things.
“Graham, you made me lose my tiara!” I attempt to bend over to pick it up, but his hands stop me.
“Dahlia,” a voice I recognize mouths my name, the lips ghosting over the skin on my neck and I freeze.
It’s not Graham. It’s Shawn. The guy who’s been asking me out for the past year or so. I always said no. That I don’t want a boyfriend and that I’m not the kind of girl to mess around just like that, but obviously he’s not a good listener.
“Shawn,” I groan. His body presses against mine, my back pushed against the wall, and it feels intimate and…wrong.
“Let me go,” I say softly, gently, but not because I want to be polite. Because I’m scared. I’m not even sure why; it’s my house after all. But I doubt Graham can hear me through the wall, and the music is loud, and Shawn stinks of vodka, and suddenly I realize throwing a huge-ass party with a ton of alcohol wasn’t the greatest idea Jade ever had.
“No, why would I? You’ve been taunting me with these tits for months now.” He reaches for my boob, pinching my nipple through the fabric of my pink dress. I gasp in shock and raise my hand to slap him, but he stops me when my palm hovering inches from his face, holding my wrist tightly. Horror swirls in my gut and I feel my breathing becoming faster. Oh, no. My god, not right now and not like this. I open my mouth and scream from the top of my lungs, but he shuts me up by slapping his hand over my lips. It hurts, and the sting makes my eyes water. Maybe it’s the terror too. It’s all too much and too fast, I can’t even process everything that’s happening.
“Shawn, why?” I try to ask through his forceful fingers over my mouth, and I feel him freeing himself with his free hand, his whole body squeezing mine to the cold wall so I can’t break free. This is a nightmare and I’m about to succumb to my greatest fear and just let go. Maybe I’ll faint. There’s no other way I can escape him. Shawn is big and athletic, a real jock, and I’m barely five foot three.
