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I went back to bed and saw the time on the clock on my nightstand.
It was two in the morning.
Damn, I wasn’t going to get any sleep tonight.
I grabbed my phone and held it on my stomach, tempted to call the man I’d asked to leave me alone. I would judge myself if I turned to him, would loathe myself if I asked him to protect me. He was my biggest enemy.
But once the next sound erupted, I called him.
It barely rang one time before he answered. “Baby.”
I listened to the silence over the phone, hoping to catch the sound of his breathing. But I couldn’t discern any noise. I imagined he was lying in bed. He obviously wasn’t asleep because he didn’t sound like he’d just woken up.
I loathed myself for making the call, but the second I heard his voice, I felt better. I felt like his presence could keep the demons outside my apartment.
He didn’t ask why I called. He just sat there with me, listening to me breathe.
I could stay like that forever.
What was wrong with me?
He spoke after five minutes of silence. “Are you alright?”
No, I wasn’t alright. I was so fucked up in the head I didn’t know what to do with myself. I missed a man I despised. I saved a man I should have killed. “I can’t sleep. I keep hearing all these noises, and it’s scaring me…” I hated admitting I was scared. I hated admitting any kind of weakness, especially to him. I was bred to be as strong as my brother, as strong as my mother.
“It’s nothing,” he whispered. “Go to sleep.”
“How do you know it’s nothing?”
No answer.
My heart started to beat a little faster as I considered what he’d said. He was a paranoid man, overly protective. For him to brush off my concern was unlike him. Unless he knew something I didn’t. “You’re outside, aren’t you?”
No answer.
I wondered how long he’d been out there.
“I’m sitting in my truck at the curb. I haven’t seen anyone all night.”
I sat up in bed and leaned against the headboard, my heart beating a little faster. “Why?”
“You know why.”
“But I want to hear you say it.”
He sighed into the phone. “I worry about you, baby. You’re sleeping in there by yourself, and it scares me. Knuckles got you once, and then Joe’s men could have gotten you a second time. At least, if I’m here, I know that can’t happen again.”
I closed my eyes, feeling my heart slow down until it turned into a dull ache. It shouldn’t mean anything to me that he was out there in the cold. I shouldn’t want to invite him inside. I shouldn’t have called him in the first place.
“So you can sleep now. I’ll be out here until morning.”
“And when will you sleep?”
“After you get to your parents’ place.”
All I had to do was hang up and go to sleep. But I stayed on the phone, struggling with the words that wanted to burst out of my throat.
When he knew I wouldn’t say anything else, he ended the call. “Good night, baby.”
“Wait…”
“It’s okay. You said you wanted space. I’m not out here hoping for an invitation.”
“But I’m giving you an invitation—and I know you can’t say no.”
He was quiet for a long time, his breathing increasing slightly. I heard the door to his truck open and then the click of the phone as the line went dead.
He was coming.
I heard the front door open and close and then heard his heavy footsteps against the hardwood floor. His shadowed figure appeared in the doorway, six-foot-three of muscle and strength. His outline was intimidating, even to me when I knew he would never hurt me, not after he promised he wouldn’t.
I knew I would be able to sleep well for the rest of the night.
He stripped down to his boxers then crawled into bed beside me. The mattress dipped with his weight, and then his smell surrounded me. He lay still next to me, not touching me like he normally would. His head rested on the pillow, and he stared at me, stared at me exactly the same way he had that morning. “No one can ever get to you as long as I’m here. So sleep.”
I moved into his chest and hooked my leg over his waist and my arm around his torso. My face was pressed close to his, and I could feel his gentle breaths from his nose. We shared one pillow and one side of the bed because we were so close together. I could feel his hard dick in his boxers, but I knew an advance wasn’t coming.
My eyes felt heavy as the exhaustion suddenly hit me hard. I’d been scared of every noise that echoed through the house, and now all the sounds died away because they didn’t matter. I didn’t feel alone or unprotected.
