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I was sitting across the table from a handsome man, someone I would have fallen for if Bones had never come into the picture. I’d probably be smitten, gushing about him to my mother and friends. I would have kissed him by now if he hadn’t kissed me, and I’d be struggling to keep my legs closed as long as possible.
But now…I didn’t feel anything.
Matteo was the total opposite of Bones, the exact thing I wanted in a partner. But there wasn’t that pull that I felt with Bones. There wasn’t a hint of that desperate feeling of love. I could keep my hands to myself because I wasn’t struggling to fight off my affection.
What I had with Bones was deep, passionate, and powerful.
It was the strongest emotion I’d ever felt.
Could I really walk away from that for something safe?
Wasn’t love innately unsafe?
Wasn’t it supposed to break your heart?
Matteo studied my face. “Everything alright?”
“Yeah…I just lost my train of thought.”
My mother called me the next day. “Hey, sweetheart. How’s it going?”
“Good. How are you?” I had just finished a late breakfast, and now I was staring at the seven paintings I’d wrapped up and leaned against the wall.
“Great. Your father and I are getting ready for spring. Conway and Sapphire want to do a wedding soon, so I think I’m going to drive up there and help Sapphire pick out a dress. You want to come?”
“Absolutely. That sounds like so much fun.” I was finally looking forward to something for the first time in a while, something to get my mind off the man I couldn’t have.
“Great. We’re going next Saturday. Mark your calendar.”
“Sapphire is going to look so great with that baby bump.”
“I know. I’m really excited…my son is getting married.” She paused over the line, a moment of emotion.
“You aren’t losing a son, Mama. You’re getting a daughter.”
“I know,” she said with a smile in her voice. “It just surprises me how quickly time passes. I feel like the two of you were in diapers not too long ago.”
“That’s because Conway still needs a diaper.”
She chuckled. “Be nice, Vanessa.”
“Because he’s so nice to me?”
“Good point…”
“What else is new?” I asked.
“Well…I told myself I would never be one of those mothers…but… How’d it go with Matteo? I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately, and you haven’t said anything to me so…my impatience got the best of me.”
“Oh…” Matteo wasn’t on my mind much, so I kept forgetting about him. “We went out a few times. He’s very nice…a perfect gentleman, but I don’t see it going anywhere right now. I’m just not ready to date. It’s too soon.”
“I see…” She couldn’t keep the disappointment out of her voice. “That’s a shame. He had a lot of nice things to say about you.”
“He’s a very sweet guy. I’m just not ready. We’re still hanging out as friends, so when I’m ready…maybe we’ll have something.”
“Not a bad idea,” she said. “But you have to go at your own pace. Everyone deals with heartbreak differently.”
I didn’t know how to deal with my heartbreak at all. It was simply unbearable, suffocating. I didn’t know how to begin the healing process, and I wasn’t sure if I was even ready to start that painful adventure. “Yeah…they do.”
“You know I’m here if you want to talk, sweetheart.”
“I know, Mama.”
“Well, I’ll let you go. I’ll see you on Saturday.”
“Yeah, I’m looking forward to it.”
“Love you.”
“Love you too, Mama.”
Five
Bones
I spent most of the week in London because I had a double hit—two brothers. Apparently, they were leading a trafficking point near the harbor, shipping girls from America to Ireland before they were put on a new transport ship to London.
I was paid extra to make them suffer—so they didn’t die from bullets.
But torture.
Having the work was a respite for me because forgetting about Vanessa wasn’t easy.
It wasn’t possible, actually.
When I returned to Milan, I almost considered going back to London and starting over. This entire city reminded me of her, and I hadn’t stepped foot inside her art room at my apartment because I couldn’t bear to look at her leftover supplies and easels.
I couldn’t stand to see her absence.
It’d been over a month, and I hadn’t been with another woman. The idea didn’t sound appealing to me, but now that I knew we were truly finished, I knew I had to get back out there. Sinking into warm pussy might make me feel better.
Even if that pussy wasn’t Vanessa’s.
Max called me when I’d been home for about an hour. “How’d it go?”
“The same as usual.”
“So you got both brothers?”
“Yeah.”
“And documentation to prove it wasn’t a swift kill?”
“Got it on video.”
“Great. So what are you doing now? Catching up on sleep?”
I hated sleeping. I thought about Vanessa until the darkness descended, and then I dreamed of her beautiful green eyes. A part of me wished I could erase her completely so I could move on with my life.
