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My eyes shifted back and forth as I looked at him. My heart flushed with another surge of pain when I listened to the defeat in his voice.
“I know that’s not what you want. Maybe right now it is because you’re upset and emotional, but after time has passed, you’ll miss your family. You’ll miss the special relationship you have with your parents and your brother. Being with me will only distance you from them. Let’s not forget why we did all of this in the first place…because you need your family. I would never do that to you, never take away the people who mean the most to you.” His eyes lifted to mine. “I know what it’s like not having a family. It’s depressing, lonely, and empty. I wish my mother were still alive. I wish I had a brother or sister. I wish I had someone…but I don’t have anyone. As much as I want you, as much as I love you…” He shook his head. “I never want you to be alone…not even with me.”
“They would still be my family—”
“It wouldn’t be the same. You can always find another man to replace me, but you’ll never replace your family.”
“I don’t want to replace you either…”
“Neither do I.” He kept his voice steady even though I was covered in tears. “But we don’t have another choice. This is how it has to be.” He pulled his hand out of my shirt before he dug it into the back of my hair. He regarded me with a hard expression that was slightly tinted with sadness.
“No…”
He pressed his lips against my forehead and brought me into his chest. His powerful arms locked around me, and he held me close, his body warm and hard. His chin rested on my forehead, and he breathed with me.
I cried into his chest, unable to stop the tears. I’d been with other men who were handsome, successful, and interesting, but not a single one compared to this man. I loved him with all my heart, loved him even when I knew I shouldn’t. It was the kind of love I couldn’t explain to another person. I could argue with my father forever, but he would never understand how I felt about this man. He claimed he loved my mother in a way words couldn’t express, but that love wasn’t different from what I had with this man. “I can’t do this.”
Every time he took a breath, his chest expanded against mine. I could feel the shivers that rocked his body, the hints of emotional instability. I could feel the slight tremor of his hands, feel his heart crack inside his powerful chest. He didn’t say a single word, but he didn’t need to. I knew he was just as broken as I was. Even more broken. “Neither can I.”
I still hadn’t accepted the truth.
That this was over.
Bones and I didn’t speak of it again. We didn’t establish when he would be leaving or how we would say goodbye. Neither one of us wanted to deal with it, so we both decided to ignore it.
But we couldn’t ignore it forever.
My father put a gun to his head and ordered him to disappear. But if my father showed up on my doorstep to make sure Bones left, I wouldn’t open the door. It would be the first time in my life that I would tell my father off.
But I knew he wouldn’t come. I knew he respected my privacy…to some degree.
We lay in bed side by side that night, my leg hooked over his waist while his face rested close to mine on the pillow. Instead of closing his eyes and drifting off to sleep, he chose to stare at me instead.
Now that my relationship with Bones had an expiration date, all I could do was cherish every single moment I had left. He would walk out that door soon, and I would never watch him walk back through it. My nights would be lonely, and all I would have to get me through the darkness were our memories.
I couldn’t imagine being with anyone else. I couldn’t picture myself married with a family. I couldn’t picture my future when this man was all I ever wanted. Would I ever fall in love again? Was there a man out there who could compete with the man who had claimed my heart, body, and soul?
His hand slid up my back and underneath my hair. His fingers touched me lightly, his caresses gentle. His eyes never left my face, and instead of reflecting the pain that burned in his heart, his hands showed his depression. They shook a little, tiny vibrations that were almost undetectable.
My hands kept gripping him, making sure he was really there. I didn’t want him to slip away, to leave me without saying goodbye. Bones was that kind of man, the kind who slipped out in the middle of the night so I wouldn’t have to watch him go. That was the last thing I wanted. “Don’t leave without saying goodbye.” Watching him walk out of my life would be the hardest thing I’d ever had to do, but it was better than missing that moment altogether.
