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“Because that’s how a man should be. He should love his woman more every day, not less. He should admire the sacrifice she made to continue his line. He should be turned on by her scars just the way a woman is turned on by a man’s battle scars. It’s the exact same thing.”
She smiled. “You have a point. Does that mean kids are in your future?”
Vanessa hadn’t given me much of a choice. If I had it my way, the answer would be no. But she put her foot down and gave me an ultimatum. It was the only thing she wanted more than me, so I would do it. “Yes. Vanessa made it clear we couldn’t be together unless I had a family with her.”
“You didn’t want one before?”
“No.” I didn’t grow up with a family, so I had no idea how to have one of my own.
“Crow was the same way. Had no interest in kids. But when he got me pregnant by accident, everything changed. He became a father the very minute I told him about Conway. I see how much he loves his kids every day, and it’s hard to believe he didn’t want a family in the beginning.”
“You’re suggesting that will be me?”
“Yes.”
I never thought I could love a woman the way I loved Vanessa, so anything was possible. “We’ll see.”
The waitress brought our entrees, and we started to eat. Pearl ate with perfect manners the way Vanessa did. Crow shared the same kind of grace. Cane, on the other hand, ate like a pig.
With the food in front of us, there was less pressure to fill the silence with mindless conversation. When I spent time with Crow, he always filled the silence with something. Pearl didn’t do that as much.
“When are you guys going to head to Milan?” she asked, switching the conversation back to the matter at hand.
“After I get back from my next mission. I leave tomorrow.”
She finished chewing her pasta before she raised her eyebrow. “I didn’t know you were leaving so soon. Vanessa didn’t mention that to me.”
“Because I haven’t told her.” The second I told her I was leaving, she would be in a state of constant worry until I was back home. It made sense to tell her at the last minute, to spare her the pain as long as possible.
Her eyes filled with disappointment. “I see…”
“I only have two more, and then it’ll be over. But I can’t pull out now. It would be a betrayal to my guys.”
“I understand,” she said. “But she’s not going to take it well.”
“No, she won’t.” There would be tears.
I hated the tears. It was the worst feeling in the world, to watch my woman cry because of me. I hated putting her through the pain, hated being the reason she was in pain at all. I should be the one fixing her, not hurting her.
“Will she stay at the apartment?”
“I don’t know. That’s up to her.”
“Well, she’s always welcome with us.”
I didn’t want to send my woman off with her parents. That made me feel like less of a man. But I couldn’t tell her what to do. I’d never been that kind of guy, and I wasn’t going to start now.
“I’m really happy you’re leaving that line of work. Not just for Vanessa, but for me.”
I could see the sincerity in her eyes, see the way she cared about me. She was alone with me ten minutes from the house, and she wasn’t scared at all. My father had raped her and beaten her, but she didn’t view me in the same light. To her, I was a completely different man.
“Crow is happy too. All he wants is for all of us to live a quiet life.”
“My life has never been quiet. I wonder how I’ll adjust.”
“As long as you have Vanessa, you’ll be fine.”
I would never forget what it was like not to be with her. Those three months changed me, broke me in ways that hadn’t fully healed yet.
“I understand that it’s difficult for you to bury the hatchet with Crow, but he’s trying very hard to make things right with you. He’s grown to respect you immensely, and he would love to have his own relationship with you.”
I should have known this would come up.
Pearl waited for me to say something, and when I didn’t, she continued on. “It takes a lot to change my husband’s mind about anything. He’s stubborn and intense. Doesn’t know how to take a joke. But he views you in a completely different light now. He’s come to admire you…something neither one of us thought was possible.”
“Yes, he’s said this to me.”
Her eyes fell in sadness. “I’m not trying to pressure you. I’m just trying to…I don’t know. My husband is in pain every day over this. Whenever he comes home from visiting you, he looks worse and worse.”
