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I could have let her drift off to sleep, but I didn’t. I stared at the ceiling for a few minutes before I broke the silence. “Sweetheart?”
“Hmm?”
I’d been thinking about my father’s words all week, knowing he’d been right about everything. That man never seemed to be wrong, even though I would never admit that to his face. “There’s something I want to talk to you about.”
When she realized this conversation was serious, she propped herself up on her elbow so she could look down into my face. “Alright.”
“I’ve been thinking about this whole marriage thing…”
Her eyes immediately dropped in sadness, like she expected me to tell her I’d changed my mind about the whole thing. It wasn’t a look of just sorrow, but one of profound devastation. She normally covered up those reactions, but this time she couldn’t.
I liked that response—even though that made me a jackass. “I haven’t been honest with you, sweetheart. I haven’t been honest with myself. But after talking to my father, I realized I couldn’t live a lie anymore.”
“Okay…” Her voice shook with fear.
“The reason why I said yes was…because I love you.” It was the first time I’d said those words to a woman besides my mom. I suddenly felt different, like that confession changed my entire life forever. It surprised me how easy it was to say. Everything that happened in the past few months suddenly became clear. I’d risked everything to save her from Egor, thinking I was doing it for my own selfish reasons.
Now I knew that wasn’t true.
I saved her because I had to—because I loved her.
The sorrow in her gaze disappeared instantly, but her eyes still retained the heartfelt emotion. She was tense and still, unable to move or breathe. As if my words were the last thing she’d ever expected me to say, she couldn’t react.
I waited for her to say those words back to me, and the longer the silence lasted, the more afraid I became. What if I’d just ruined the beautiful thing we had? After Luca’s father abandoned her and Egor tortured her, perhaps being in love was the last thing she wanted. Maybe I’d just ruined the greatest thing that ever happened to me.
I wished I could take it all back.
Finally, her lungs responded, and she took a deep breath. “I wasn’t expecting you to say that…”
Instantly, all the joy in the world was stripped away. I hid my disappointment as much as I could, but there was no way I could erase all of it. Maybe I shouldn’t have let my father get to me. Was I an idiot for thinking a woman like her would ever love me? After the way I’d treated her, she deserved someone better.
“You’ve been so good to both Luca and me. Neither one of us would be here without you…”
I turned my gaze away, hurt by the soft rejection she was giving me. It was just an explanation of why she couldn’t return my feelings—but I didn’t need an explanation. This was my first time being rejected—and it hurt as bad as everyone said it did.
“I never thought I would ever trust a man ever again. I never thought I would want to have sex again. I never thought sex could even be that good…but you showed me otherwise. I’ve never felt safer than I do sharing this house with you. You’re such a special man, Carter. Hearing you say that…leaves me speechless.”
I used my arms to scoot my body up so I could lean against the headboard. “I mean it, sweetheart. And it’s okay if you don’t feel the same way. After the way I treated you, I wouldn’t blame you.” I might have pulled her out of that horrible situation, but I hadn’t been a gentleman while she was in my captivity. I’d tried to trick her just so I could fuck her. I chained her up in a bedroom and forced her to slice open her ankle just to pull the tracker out. I wasn’t proud of the man I was at the time. Just because I was good to her now didn’t mean I was absolved of my previous crimes.
“Don’t feel the same way?” She looked at me, her eyebrow raised.
I turned my gaze back on her, seeing the slight smile on her lips.
“Are you kidding me?” she asked with a faint laugh. “You’re the sexiest man I’ve ever seen. Anytime you walk around the house in just your sweatpants, it’s like torture. You’re incredibly successful on your own merit. You make me feel beautiful, make me feel special. With you, I feel so safe. And you’re so good to my son…have been more of a father to him than anyone else we’ve ever known. I’m surprised you didn’t already know how I felt about you. I guess I thought it was obvious…”
