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“Thomas, you mustn’t—I do love you, I just—”
“If you wish to go, I’ll never make you stay. I might not do and say the proper thing all the time, but I do know that I love you enough to set you free.”
I was about to argue that I didn’t want to be free, but that wasn’t true. All my life I’d longed for freedom—freedom to pick and choose every detail of my life. To make good decisions and horrible ones. Decisions that would break my heart and remake it ten times over. I just never knew having choices could be so hard, or hurt so much. A tear slipped down my face.
“I love you, Wadsworth. No matter what or who you choose, I always will.” He leaned in and pressed his lips to my cheek. “If you’ll excuse me, I must try and sort out the playing cards.”
With that, he turned and hurried down the corridor. The blast of cold wind that blew in when he pushed the door open finally snapped me from my daze. Whatever strength I’d had vanished and my knees gave out. I put my head in my hands and sobbed, not bothering to hide the sounds of my despair. My life was a tattered mess. Liza was in mortal danger. Thomas was heartbroken. A murderer made our ship his deadly playground. And I was filled with more turbulence than the ocean we traveled through.
I permitted myself another moment to cry, allowing the tears to freely slip down my face, dripping onto the floor. It felt as if something in my chest had permanently cracked. I gripped my fists until the pain was all I could focus on. Then I pushed myself up, brushed down my bodice, and took a deep, shuddering breath. Liza was missing. A murderer was taunting me. No matter how much it pained me to think it, I could not focus on Thomas and our relationship now.
Not wanting to waste another moment stunted by my emotions, I exited onto the first-class deck and almost ran down the darkened promenade on the starboard side of the grand ship.
Wind howled, the sound reminding me of a man who’d lost the world in a game of cards. I clutched at my hat, keeping my face turned down against the breeze. Winter was reminding us that there were more fearsome things to worry over than simply men with agendas, or girls with broken hearts on this boat.
I gave up on walking swiftly and ran as fast as I could, my mind focused on the pattering drum of my feet, the beat of my pulse, the fear clawing its way down my spine. I needed to hurry—to scour the ship until I found my cousin…
Movement toward the bow caught my attention and I paused outside my cabin door, listening for any signs of struggle. Visions of bodies being tossed into the hungry ocean crawled their way into my sensibilities. I stared into the shadows, waiting for the darkness to lazily blink back at me, bringing all of my fears to life. Sounds of sails snapping in the wind drew my attention upward and I staggered back. Someone was standing up on the icy railing, his tailcoat a whip snapping behind him. All it would take was one slip and he’d be plunged into the deadly waters.
Moonlight broke through the cloud cover, offering a glimpse at the young man. He stared over the edge into the ocean, and before I knew what I was doing, I ran for him.
Whether it was to save him or make him pay for his crime of confusing my heart, I couldn’t tell. I simply raced until my arms were around him and we both crashed to the deck, the air whooshing out as I wrestled him to the ground.
THIRTY-SEVEN
UNMASKED
FIRST-CLASS PROMENADE
RMS ETRURIA
8 JANUARY 1889
Mephistopheles rolled away from me, clutching his stomach and moaning. “I think you’ve broken one of my ribs. Was that really necessary? Next time you tackle me, be sure it’s in one of our bedchambers.”
I jumped to my feet, dragging the ringmaster with me. I clutched the collar of his shirt until he sputtered, hands fumbling to remove my fingers. I didn’t care if I strangled him. “Are you quite mad? You almost fell overboard!”
“No.” He dropped to his knees, wheezing, but kept his focus on the deck, refusing to meet my glare. “I’m quite sane. And I was only checking on something.”
“Care to enlighten me?”
“No. Not particularly.” He squinted as he stood. “Have you been crying?”
I ste
pped back. “Liza has been…” My voice cracked and I nearly lost my hold over myself once again.
“Liza has been… drinking? Knitting children’s socks? Strangling Houdini with his chains, or better yet, his cuffs?” He rubbed my arms, voice softening. “Tell me. Liza’s been…”
I swiped at the tears that had managed to slip out. “Taken.”
“What do you mean, ‘taken’? Has Houdini done something to her?” He glared down the promenade and squared his shoulders as if he’d go marching into battle this second.
I shuddered, though I was no longer sure if it was due to the frosty air. Houdini was talented with cards himself. He might very well have taken my cousin and tortured her because of their fight. Perhaps he was acting back in his cabin; I trusted no one on this cursed vessel. “Someone sent her finger to my chambers.”
Mephistopheles stared at me a moment, then unleashed a horde of curse words that weren’t all in English. If I didn’t feel so ill, I would have been impressed. He pressed his hands over his eyes and then dropped them to his sides. “All right. Start from the beginning. How do you know it’s Liza’s finger?”
“How is this helping?” I tossed my hands up. “Whether or not it’s actually her finger is not the issue. The issue is someone who has murdered several people aboard this ship has taken her.”
