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'Go ahead, blame it all on me!' Carlo slashed back ferociously.
Jessica spun back to the window before the tears could
fall. 'What I did with you,3 she repeated shakily, 'well,
it was the sort of thing my mother would have done,
and in the Deangate Hotel of all places, which she used
to haunt. It was my worst nightmare come true. I be
haved like her and it terrified me '
'I hardly touched you!1 Carlo cut in ruthlessly.
'That didn't change how I felt. It was the fact that I lost control that was scary, the fact that I wanted you to make love to me,’ she admitted brokenly.
'I want to hear about your marriage,' Carlo told her rawly.
Jessica drew in a deep shuddering breath of air. 'Simon got very drunk on our wedding-night. And every night
after it. I thought it was my fault... that he just couldn't bring himself to touch me because of you. And he let me think that... he let me think that for so long!' she gasped painfully. 'It was hell. We didn't even share a bedroom when we came home and when I tried to talk to him about it he walked out and stayed away.. .’
Carlo uttered a ground-out imprecation and she shivered.
'He wouldn't go to marriage guidance or anything. He refused to admit that there was a problem...'
'Why the hell didn't you leave him?' Carlo roared at her.
A sob caught in her throat. 'Guilt. I did think it was
my fault. It wasn't until he became ill that he admitted
that he was impotent... and that he had never wanted
any woman physically,' she recounted jerkily. 'Some
people just don't have a sex drive and I believe that
Simon was one of them. I don't think he was gay but
apparently, before he asked me to get engaged, there had
been rumours about him. He was terrified of his family
and friends thinking that he was gay.. .that's why he
married me. He used me to hide behind. It stopped
people wondering '
'And this is the bastard you called your best friend?' Carlo murmured tautly.
A choked laugh escaped her. She was shaking. Remembering brought all the pain and suffering back. 'He was until I married him,' she muttered with unconcealed bitterness.
'Did you ever consider walking out?'
'Not once he was ill,' she whispered. 'I felt cheated
