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We keep walking and she points out more flowers. "These are hydrangeas, and sweet peas. And those little ones there are lantana.”
She tells me a little more about each plant, almost like anecdotes about friends. Her knowledge astounds me. I'm starting to notice more about her than just her figure. She has a brain on her. Paired with her looks, it’s a lethal combination. I'm finding it more enjoyable than I thought.
She stops walking suddenly and turns around to look at me. I can see her cheeks turn pink in the moonlight and it’s absolutely adorable. "I'm so sorry for rambling. I forget not everyone likes flowers as much as I do. I must be boring you."
I walk the few steps towards her and cup her chin gently in my hand. Her eyes slowly meet mine, I can see the moonlight shimmering in them. I can’t stop staring at her. Her innocent beauty is something I'm not used to. It cuts through me, it stuns me, it's something that I can't get enough of. That scares me. I'm attracted to every part of her, body and mind. That hasn't happened to me in a long time, and while my first instinct is to flee, I can’t. I don't know how to deal with this, but I can't stop myself.
She lets out a soft gasp of surprise when she realizes how close my face is to hers. be honest, I'm surprised myself. I don't know if I can control myself around her. "Let me assure you, Lorelai, that every word that has fallen from your mouth tonight has utterly captivated me," I reply softly.
I watch her eyes widen. I can't tell if it's with surprise or delight, or a combination of both. I don't know what's come over me, but I can’t let her go. "There's just something about you." I murmur softly as I study every inch of her face.
Suddenly I lean forward and kiss her. There’s a sweetness, a tenderness to it, but it’s laced with pure, fiery passion beneath. I don't want to let go, and that is the scariest feeling of all. How much I don't want this moment or these feelings to end. We hold tightly to each other as she kisses me back.
I realize suddenly that this is the first kiss that I’ve initiated since my ex. With this kiss, I feel different, like the whole world is suddenly shifting underneath my feet. I feel something and I'm not sure if that's frightening or what.
I mean, the women I’ve hooked up with at auctions before have kissed me. The initiative was all on their part, though. I felt nothing, had no feelings or attachments to them. But being here now and kissing her, I can feel things moving in my soul that I didn't know existed anymore. It feels so new and strange, and suddenly I’m overwhelmed.
I quickly break the kiss and pull away from her. We both breathe heavily in the night air. Our eyes lock, but my fear forces me to look away from her.
Even so, the image of those sparkling hazel eyes is burned into my memory as if seared by a brand. Her face looks even more innocent and sweet by moonlight. I'm overwhelmed by so many different feelings. Guilt, because I never wanted to be involved in a relationship. I feel like I might be leading this poor girl on, but I’m also torn by confusion because I could easily end up falling for her.
It's the depth of these feelings that is frightening me a little. They are so new and unbelievably fast. Every time I have gone to an auction it was just meaningless sex with a woman. There was a reason I kept it that way. I keep looking at her face, and I don't know if I can fight off these feelings. It's like I'm standing at the edge of a cliff and I don't know whether to run back to safety or jump.
I'm sure other people who are looking for love are used to feeling this way, this terrifying uncertainty, but I’m used to knowing what to expect. I’m used to predictable. I'm not sure where to go from here, or what to think next. I have to take a few deep breaths to calm myself.
"Is everything ok?" She asks me softly.
I struggle to regain my composure before I finally nod. "Yeah, I’m fine. That was just intense,” I say, flashing her a smile.
Her cheeks color and she smiles. “Yeah, it was,” she murmurs.
We finish our walk around the garden, but I'm unable to concentrate on the rest of our conversation.
"I should take you home now. It’s getting late." I tell her reluctantly when we make our way back to the gate.
She looks up at me in surprise (and maybe it’s my imagination, but I think I see disappointment, too) before nodding her head in agreement. I walk her back to the car and open her door for her.
