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“Dad, I’ll be fine,” he said. “God, why are you always like this now?”
I cradled the phone on my other ear. “What?”
He sighed. “Nothing.”
“Hey, no,” I said. “What does that mean?”
He grumbled, pausing for a moment. “Ever since we stopped living with Mom it’s like you’re… trying too hard or something. You used to be the chill one.”
Frustration, pain, and anger seared through me all at once. My gut instinct was to call him on his shit, but his words cut to my core.
Trying too hard. I felt like I’d been doing that for my entire adult life.
“I am trying hard, yes,” I said, keeping my voice even. “And I’m your father, not your friend. I’m not here to be ‘chill,’ I’m here to keep you safe and give you the best life you can have.”
“The best life I had was back in Chicago,” Zach muttered.
All of the venom was gone from his voice now. My son just sounded sad.
And now the back of my throat was balling up. I wasn’t much of a crying type. I could only remember a few times I had really let go. In high school, I’d been next to Evan when he’d gotten the call about his mom dying, and we’d both cried on each other’s shoulders. When Zach was born, I shed some tears of joy and overwhelm. A couple of months ago I’d broken down when Jess and I had finally decided to divorce.
I wasn’t going to cry right now, but I sure as fuck was out of my depth. My love life, my career, and my own son all felt like things I was utterly failing right now. I walked over to the far corner of the bar, pretending to clean a tabletop, pulling myself together.
“Chicago is all you’ve ever known so far,” I said quietly to Zach. “I know our life here is weird so far. It’s brand-new, and it’s nothing like the city. But we’re going to make something good here, Zachie. Trust me.”
He was silent for a few moments, and every human emotion passed through me again. I needed something to be okay. Just one thing.
“Zach?” I said, the tension rising inside me.
Finally, mercifully, Zach laughed. “I’ve gotta go, Dad, this guy is trying to steal all of my resources.”
It was like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. He was fine. He was just playing video games. He wasn’t quietly seething, resenting me more and more with each passing second.
“Not too many games tonight,” I warned. “You ever think about reading a book?”
“Not gonna make that promise during a snowstorm, Dad,” he said. I could hear the smile in his voice.
Just then, I turned back to face the bar and saw that Parakeet Cosmo Guy had left, and a goddamned angel had taken his place sitting at the bar. Evan was here.
Jesus Christ, he was a sight for sore eyes. He looked stupidly good.
“All right,” I told Zach. “I love you. Stay safe.”
“Snowstorm ain’t no match for me,” Zach said. “Love you, Dad. See you tonight or tomorrow.”
I hung up and made my way back to the bar. The minute I had my eyes on Evan it was like everything weighed a little bit less. Evan had that effect on me.
He was wearing a fitted, grey knit sweatshirt that hugged his body perfectly. He looked the part of a teacher, but a very sexy one. He looked cozy and tantalizing at the same time. And it was more than a little weird to be thinking about my best friend using the word “tantalizing.”
“You have no idea how happy I am that you’re here now instead of the guy who was here before,” I said.
“How do you know I’m not going to turn into a nightmare customer?” he teased. “I think I’ll get a martini, but with grapes instead of olives, and rum instead of gin, and go ahead and make it a double, on ice, and—”
I let out a bitter chuckle, leaning in to squeeze Evan in a hug. “I assume Grace or Red told you about my night?”
“They gave me a run-down,” he said. I kept holding him for a moment, burying my nose in his hair and breathing in the comforting scent.
“You’re still so cold,” I said, wrapping my body around his. The chill of his clothes was refreshing after a night running around indoors.
“It is colder than a fucking zombie’s asshole out there.”
“What the hell? Since when are zombie assholes cold?”
“Since I just now decided that,” Evan responded.
I laughed, rubbing my palms along the back of his soft sweater. This was definitely the longest I’d hugged someone in years, but fuck, I needed it. Honestly, it was making me get a little hard under my pants. I would have already been trying to kiss Evan if we hadn’t been in the middle of my workplace.
