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Red felt like I felt.
Every word of what he said was like he’d reached into my heart and expressed everything I couldn’t.
And then before thinking too hard about it, I just fucking let myself do what I wanted to do. No hesitation. No more second guessing.
I slid over on the steps, wrapped my arms around him, and crushed my lips to his. I kissed him deeply, like I had no regrets or fears. I didn’t anymore. Because everything that had gone wrong in my life until now—every shitty, unbearable moment that had almost broken me—all of those moments had led me to this one.
And this was worth it. This was worth everything.
“You scared me shitless,” Red said, breaking off a minute later and grasping the sides of my head in his hands. “I was so fucking worried when you left, Liam.”
“I never want to make you worry again,” I said. “Never.” My hands were still shaking slightly, but out of pure excess adrenaline now.
“Where did you go?” Red said, pressing a few kisses to the side of my head, like he couldn’t stand not having his lips on me for even a second. “I’ve… I’ve been sitting here for half an hour, at least—”
I breathed deep. “I was at the liquor store.”
Red pulled back quickly. His face went as pale as a sheet, his eyes absolutely shattered. The man cared about me far too much, and I owed him the entire world.
“And I didn’t buy anything,” I said softly. “I didn’t drink a drop.”
He was silent for a moment, his expression going slack with surprise. “You didn’t buy anything,” he said, like he’d heard something he couldn’t comprehend.
“Nope,” I said.
“You are so fucking strong,” Red said, reverence in his voice.
I snorted. “Just because I didn’t grab a bottle of liquor?” I said. “I shouldn’t have been there in the first place—”
“No,” he said, taking my hands in his and gripping them tight. “You were strong, Liam. You felt like your world was falling apart, and you didn’t go back to your old ways. You didn’t even want to.”
“I really didn’t,” I said.
“You’re incredible,” he said, wrapping his arms around me in a tight hug. He clutched me like I was a treasure he’d come across in a barren desert. And god damn if it didn’t make me feel good. Like I mattered. I fucking mattered, despite everything in my head that had always said otherwise.
“Fuck, Liam,” he whispered, resting his forehead against mine. “I didn’t know—I had no idea you were at a point like that.”
“I wish I hadn’t been.”
“You… you could have said something—for God’s sake, please call me when you are in a place that dark.”
I let out a long breath. “You know what? At any other point in my life I would have kept something like that secret. Kept it to myself that I’d even gone to the liquor store. Buried it.”
Red nodded, watching me close.
“But I needed to tell you. I have to be honest. I want to be honest about everything with you.”
“Please do,” he said.
“I fucking love you, Red,” I said, not even trying to hide the slight warble in my voice. “I love you in a way I didn’t even think I was capable of. And I was so afraid to admit it. To you, or to myself.”
He shook his head slowly, looking at me like he wanted to protect me. “Boy howdy, I know the feeling.”
“It’s terrifying,” I said, a small laugh escaping me. “The power you have over me, Red….”
“We have power over each other,” Red said. “And fuck, we’ve spent the last decade trying to deny it.”
I nodded, burying my face against his shoulder.
“So what if we stop doing that?” Red said, holding me close. “What if we stop listening to fear, and listen to our goddamn... stupid, reckless, crazy-ass hearts instead?”
A small sob escaped me, but I was somehow smiling at the same time. I’d never felt overwhelmed in quite this way before. Like I was feeling something so much bigger than myself. Something I didn’t yet fully understand.
Maybe it was even better that I didn’t understand it. Maybe that’s where the trust came in.
“Our hearts,” I said, summoning the courage to look up at his eyes again. “That’s what I want, too.”
Red’s power had never felt more intense, but something was different now. He was right that it felt like a power between us. I didn’t feel weak in comparison to him—I felt like I belonged with him.
He ran a hand down my cheek. “Good. Then we’ll listen to our hearts,” he said. A slow smile spread across his face as a glint of mischief appeared in his eyes. “And our dicks. Of course.”
I laughed, clear and bright, and I swore it was the best release I’d ever felt.
