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“I understand. I do. It just makes me sad, that’s all. Maybe just because I survived and so did Mama. I believe we’re strong enough. I believe you’re strong enough to take that chance. I think about if Mama decided not to have me or if I’d decided not to have you. I cannot fathom that I would have been happy. Truly happy.”
“But you wouldn’t have known any better.”
Another sigh. An attempted smile. “No, I suppose I wouldn’t. But I’m glad I do now.”
I pulled into the hospital parking lot with a hole in my chest that I generally did my best to ignore. But today, after that conversation, the hole gaped in echoing darkness, making itself known.
And I stood at the edge, wishing things were different.
7
It's Now or Never
SEBASTIAN
My only consolation in leaving Mom and Abuela at the hospital that night was the knowledge that Presley would be waiting for me when I got home.
I texted her when I left the hospital and reminded her where the spare key to the bungalow on our property was hidden. When I pulled into the driveway and found her empty truck, I breathed easy for the first time in what felt like days.
I couldn’t help but smile as I made my way inside, though I’d been plagued by our conversation since I left her. Although I couldn’t ditch the hope that she would tell me she loved me. I’d wanted to tell her ever since she taught me what the word meant.
I only wished I could take her with me when I left.
“Pres?” I called, closing the door behind me.
“In here,” she said from the living room.
When I rounded the corner, I found her standing there like she’d been waiting there my whole life. Her dark hair fell in waves over her shoulders, her eyes so blue, her lips so full. She wore a little sundress with spaghetti straps and buttons down the front, tight in the bodice and swinging out to a short, flowy skirt. Her hands twisted each other in front of her.
“How’s Abuela?” she asked.
“She’s going to be okay. She busted her hip, but the doctors decided she’s eligible for surgery. Mom’s still up there with her.”
Her shoulders relaxed a little. “Is she in much pain?”
“Nah, they’ve got her all braced so she can’t move much, and they doped her up. You should have heard her ranting about the many atrocities of Jell-O. Like how food shouldn’t be able to be eaten with a straw, and that the only thing Jell-O is good for is a vehicle for Everclear. I wish I’d recorded it.” When I’d made my way to her, I cupped her arm, kissed her temple. “Sorry it took so long.”
“It’s okay. Can we sit?”
“Sure.”
We took seats on the couch, twisting to sit sideways so we could see each other. She couldn’t meet my eyes. Her gaze was firmly locked on her hands in her lap.
“I don’t know where to start,” she said.
“Most people say the beginning is a good place.”
“The end might be easier.”
My brows drew together. I didn’t press her, just waited.
“I tried to find you when you left.”
“You mentioned that earlier.”
“I know. Just … just let me ramble for a second, if it’s okay.”
I nodded. Tingling anticipation climbed across my skin—a warning.
“You were nowhere. Every way I had to get ahold of you disappeared. And when you came back, you left for Houston. I asked my cousins to find you, but without telling them why, they didn’t take me seriously, just teased me. They did look, just not very hard. I couldn’t tell them why, not until I found you. But I couldn’t find you.”
“I’m here now.”
She chanced a look at me, her face shaped with emotion. She tried to smile. “I know.” Her gaze dropped back to her hands. “The last time we saw each other feels like so long ago.”
“Five years.”
“Four years and nine months.”
I frowned, unsure what she meant. The only time anyone said nine months was—
My lungs emptied.
She couldn’t be about to say what I thought she was about to say. It was impossible. Unfathomable.
The look on her face said too much.
“Presley …”
She swallowed hard. Met my eyes. “We have a little girl.”
My vision dimmed but for a pinhole, my ears ringing too loud to hear anything else. But she didn’t speak. She sat there watching me with fear written in every line of her while my world came to a complete and total stop.
I couldn’t have heard her right.
A baby. A child. I have a child. A girl. I’m a father.
I’m a father.
I couldn’t breathe, my lungs locked tight, the sting of pain warning me to get them open. A deep breath that was too fast had me gulping another, slower this time.
A little girl of mine.
I imagined a little thing that looked like Presley wasting away in a hospital bed, even though she wouldn’t get sick until she was much older. I could see her gaunt with wires and tubes coming out of her like tentacles.
