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And that hurt more than anything.
My heart slid into my belly when her truck turned onto the long drive. Our gazes caught and hung, the tether taut and painful. She pulled to a stop. I watched her get out and unfasten Priscilla.
My little girl sprinted to me with a wild smile. I knelt and caught her. Felt her small arms around my neck. Smelled the sweet scent of her baby soap.
“Hi, Daddy.”
“Hi, Cilla.”
She leaned back. “We can go swim now?”
I chuckled. “In a minute. First, I think Abuela has something for you.”
Her face lit up. “A pokkasicle?”
“A whole box of popsicles.”
She squealed as I stood, taking her hand to walk her to the door where my mother was already headed our way from the kitchen.
“Abuelaaaaa,” she said, the A bouncing with every footfall as she ran full tilt for Mom.
“Hey, Cilla,” Mom answered, laughing.
“Daddy said I can have a pokkasicle.”
“What color?” Mom asked as they turned for the kitchen.
“Red. No, pink. You have pink?”
“I have pink. And if you want a red one, you can have one of those too. Just don’t tell Daddy.”
Priscilla giggled, then whispered. “I won’t tell him.”
Mom winked at me, but her smile was sad at the sight of Presley behind me.
When I turned to face Presley, my heart broke fresh.
I didn’t know if it was the sight of my pain on her face or the longing I felt echoed in her eyes. But she split me in two, right there on the spot.
“What time should I come get her?” she asked.
I shook my head. “Whenever’s fine.”
Silence. Then, “Okay.”
“When are you leaving?”
She swallowed hard. “I … I don’t know. Next week, maybe.”
“And then what?”
“And then … then you leave too, I guess.”
“And if I don’t? Then what happens?”
“Why would you stay?”
I laughed in disbelief and ran a hand across my mouth. “You can’t imagine that I might want to stay for her?”
She looked at her shoes. “I guess not. Especially when what you want isn’t here.”
“No—you made sure of that. What I want won’t be here because you’re leaving, and you’re taking her with you.” I glared so hard at her, my whole face was hot. “In case there was any question about it, Pres, I wasn’t going anywhere.”
Her brows drew together. “What? What do you mean? The tickets. The letter. You told Brian—”
“What he wanted to hear, just like I do half a dozen times a day when somebody asks me. You think I was going to explain to Buchanan why I was planning to stay in the middle of the grocery store? I told my supervisor I wouldn’t be coming back, and they sent a buddy from the Corps to try to convince me to change my mind.” I shook my head. “Of course I bullshitted Buchanan. You of all people should understand wanting to keep something to yourself—you lied to everyone about Priscilla for five years.”
She shook her head, confused. “That’s not the same.”
“Feels the same from where I’m standing. Only difference is that I didn’t turn on you.”
She was stunned silent.
“I don’t know how to make it any more plain for you, Presley. Not once since I found out about Priscilla have I really been able to consider leaving. And especially not since I’ve had you again. But I don’t know how to reconcile this. You didn’t even talk to me, didn’t ask me what happened. Didn’t talk to me. Then decided to take a job on the other side of the country. You were so sure I’d leave, you fulfilled your own prophecy.”
“So … are you … you’re staying?”
I dragged a hand through my hair. “I don’t know what I’m doing. I thought I had it all figured out, but now … I don’t know. But it sounds like you’ve got your dream all lined up and waiting for you. Just wish I could say the same.”
Her lips parted to speak, but before she could say anything, small footsteps slapped against the tile entryway along with an elongated Daaaaaady!
I turned to the screen door just as it flew open. “I got you one,” Priscilla panted, extending a purple popsicle in my direction.
“My favorite,” I said as I took it.
“Cheers!” She held out her slobbery popsicle, and against my better judgment, I tapped mine to it.
“Cheers.”
Priscilla shoved the popsicle in her mouth and opened her free arm in an indication she wanted to be picked up. So I did as she’d bidden, turning to Presley.
“Text when you’re on your way, and I’ll make sure she’s ready for you.”
Presley nodded, unable to speak.
That made two of us.
So I walked inside with Priscilla, vowing to make the most of every moment I had with her, praying I’d stumble across an answer to the question of my own dreams, now that mine were slipping away.
25
Hard Knocks
