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I can’t force myself into a place I don’t belong.
And that was my problem. I didn’t know where I belonged.
Not anymore.
26
Moody Blue
PRESLEY
The smile on my face was extraordinary bullshit.
I wove my way through the tables with a pitcher of coffee, smiling at everyone, even the dicks wearing Let’s Grow t-shirts, who couldn’t stay away from Bettie’s even with their boycott in place.
My last day at Bettie’s was barely underway, and though I had so much to be happy about, my smile would remain the ultimate level of fake.
Just because I was supposed to be happy didn’t mean I was actually happy. In fact, I was miserable.
There were hundreds of clichés to reference. Nothing in life comes easy. No pain, no gain. Everything has a price. And they were right. In the grand karmic balance of the universe, there was no such thing as a wholly good event. There was always a shadow side, always a cost. Always a sacrifice.
This time, I wondered if the price wasn’t too steep.
It was the right thing to do, to leave and go back to California. The responsible thing. I could provide for my family, and that was really the only thing that mattered in the end. If I stayed here, we’d keep struggling. If we left, we would have it made.
All I had to do was give up my personal happiness.
Truth was, that ship had sailed anyway. Sebastian had only spoken to me to convey what was necessary to parent our child. As per the usual, we’d avoided discussing custody, which I took as permission to leave with Priscilla until further notice. As far as I knew, he still hadn’t decided what to do. But I wasn’t exactly the first person he’d tell. Not anymore.
For the eight-thousandth time, I reminded myself it was for the best. Sebastian and I were a fantasy that had run its course. Even if I’d assumed too much, I didn’t see how I had another choice. I shouldn’t stay here for Sebastian any more than he should stay here for me.
It was over. And I’d keep on telling myself that this was for the best until I believed it, even if it ended up being the epitaph of my tombstone. Here lies Presley Hale. It was for the best. No, seriously.
We were leaving in just a couple of days, after the town’s vote on Goody’s. We’d updated our licenses and registered to vote when we moved here—was it only a few months ago? It felt like a lifetime had passed—so we’d decided to stay so we could add our voices to the cause. Tomorrow morning, we’d vote. And two days after that, we’d wake up and drive west.
But I didn’t want to leave this place behind, job or no job. I just couldn’t see how I had another choice. Nor could I imagine living in this town without Sebastian. Or worse—with him here, hating me.
Selfishly, I hoped he’d just leave, not only to justify everything that had come to pass, but to spare me any more regret over him. It was easier to stomach breaking up if he was a trillion miles away. Knowing he was here in the town I’d come to love was too much to bear. Especially after doing my level best to ruin everything. Not to mention how we’d handle custody. I’d never been away from Priscilla for more than a night. Sending her to Texas for an entire summer? For Christmas? My stomach turned at the thought.
Maybe I was as self-destructive as he accused me of being. Maybe I’d wanted this all along. Maybe the thought of really trying a relationship terrified me after a decade of fantasizing about what could have been. Maybe I was afraid to fail, and in trying to avoid it, I’d instigated it.
“If you smile any harder, you might crack your enamel,” Aggie said, eyeing me as I stepped behind the counter to load a tray up with pie. At seven in the morning, because Texans had no rules.
“Fake it ‘til you make it, right?”
She gave me a look. “Anybody who buys that smile needs to wake up.”
“It’s early, and,” I leaned in, “don’t tell anybody, but I’m serving them all decaf.”
That earned me a laugh. “God, this place is gonna suck without you.”
“Watch it, Aggie,” Bettie said from behind her. “You’re gonna give an old lady a complex.”
“I’m gonna miss you guys.”
Aggie pouted. “You’ve already quit saying y’all.”
“Don’t worry. I’ll be back.” Eventually. When it doesn’t hurt so bad.
“Please, you’re gonna be so busy living your best life, you won’t even think of us again,” Aggie said.
I opened my mouth to argue when the diner door flew open so violently, half the restaurant looked in the direction of the motion.
My cousins flew in with their arms full of papers and mad smiles on their faces.
