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I found Cooper on the back porch, leaning over the railing as though he might be sick. I hesitated for a moment before coming up close and wrapping my arms around his waist. I felt the heat of him through his shirt. He stiffened for just a second before relaxing against me. He was so different now than the night before. Then he’d been all heat and passion, dominance and focus. Now? Vulnerable. Fearful.
“Are you all right?” I asked, keeping my voice soft.
He turned around to face me and leaned a hip against the rail. The truth of it was there in his eyes. No, he wasn’t all right. It had been a stupid question and I didn’t want to make him say it aloud. So I asked another. “Why did you walk out?”
His expression was so pained, it almost hurt to look at him.
“I didn’t want to scare her.” His voice was deep, cracked.
I blinked up at him in surprise. That thought had never even occurred to me. He might be big and brawny, but he was the most gentle person I knew. Besides Rory. “Scare her? How on earth could you scare her?”
He drew in a deep breath and shrugged, looked down at the porch floor. “I don’t know…my scars, my nightmares.” He lifted his head, met my gaze. “Ivy, there have been days I can barely drag myself out of bed without Rory prodding me. I’m not the same guy I was before.”
“No, you’re not,” I agreed, crossing my arms over my chest so I didn’t reach out and comfort him. That wasn’t what he needed right now. There was no use denying he wasn’t eighteen anymore. His gaze held experience. Hardship. Tragedy. But that meant he had lived, and survived.
The other day, the difference in him had been obvious. He no longer had that easy, open attitude. He was guarded, pained, and maybe rightfully so. He did a good job to hide it, but I knew him too well.
“You’re stronger than you were before,” I told him, opting to focus on the positive changes I’d seen. And he was stronger. He might not have that youthful charm anymore, but he held himself with a kind of poise and strength that only came with maturity and life experience.
He turned his face to look out at our backyard where Lily’s swing set sat surrounded by a boatload of toys. “I don’t know if I should be around children.”
I gave a little snort of amusement at that. When he looked over in surprise, I explained. “Lily isn’t ‘children.’ She’s not just some random kid. She’s your child. Of course you should be around her.”
His gaze focused on my face, as if trying to read something there. As if I might be lying. I wasn’t. I trusted him, perhaps more than he trusted himself. But now that I’d made the decision to introduce them to Lily, I had no doubts that she would love them just like I always had. She was perceptive. All children were. She would see Cooper for what he was. Good, inside and out.
With that in mind, I took a step closer to him and took his hand in mine. “She’s your daughter,” I said again. “Which means she’s strong, just like you. Trust me, she can handle some scars and some moodiness. Just wait until she’s thirteen. She’ll give your moodiness a run for the money.”
One side of his mouth curved up in amusement at my description. I tugged on his hand, forcing him to follow me. “Come on. It’s time you said hello to your daughter. I promise she’ll love you.”
We no sooner stepped into the living room than Lily ran over to me, her nightgown swirling around her ankles, her face lit up with excitement. “Is it true, Mommy? Are these my daddies?”
Shock left me temporarily speechless. I shot a look at Rory who came into the room behind her. He watched us with his arms crossed defensively. He’d told her and he was ready for my anger. I’d wanted to tell Lily in my own way, my own time, but he’d taken that from me. They both had when they showed up the other day out of the blue.
And though I was angry that he’d gone ahead and spilled the news first, I’d have been lying if I said I wasn’t just a little bit relieved. I’d been dreading how I was going to tell her, especially since I’d kept it a secret until now, but she knew and she was…well, she was over the moon.
Lily questioned everything, just like every other curious child. Why is the moon white? Where do rabbits go at night? Why is broccoli green and not pink? But those were easy to answer. And the question she asked now? It was easy to answer as well.
“It’s true, sweetheart. These men are your daddies.” I saw Aunt Sarah come to stand beside Rory, her eyes filled with tears. She’d always wanted me to introduce Lily to her fathers and she’d finally gotten her wish.
Lily ran over to Cooper and wrapped her arms around his waist. Rory and I watched as Cooper—tough, guarded, broken Cooper—got tears in his eyes looking down at his little girl. Carefully, he put his hands on her back, patted it gently. I knew without a doubt that Lily, with her unconditional love, was exactly what Cooper needed in his life to help him heal. It wasn’t going to be immediate, but we had nothing but time now. As if on cue, Lily spotted the scar that crept out from beneath his sleeve and covered part of his hand. She pulled back, her eyes wide with excitement. “I have a booboo, too!” She proudly pulled up the sleeve of her nightgown to show him where she’d cut herself the other day on the jungle gym.
Cooper blinked down at her, clearly stunned, but she was oblivious to his shock. “See?” she said. “We match.”
He nodded. “Yeah, I see.” Wrapping an arm around her shoulders, he held her tight and I had to turn away to keep from outright bawling. I’d kept her from these men, from this joy that was immediate for her. I’d kept Cooper and Rory from their daughter, from this perfect connection which they shared, even after knowing each other a few minutes.
The rest of the day passed by in a blur of emotions. I mostly sat back and watched in awe as Lily played and chatted with the guys as if it was the most natural thing in the world. And those men—my men—they were surprisingly good with her. For a couple of badass war heroes who said they were afraid of a child, they knew their way around a Barbie playhouse and seemed to have no qualms about partaking some imaginary tea alongside her stuffed animal collection.
I watched as Aunt Sarah stifled a laugh when Cooper sat in a little chair meant for someone Lily’s size, his knees almost in his nose. I couldn’t hold it back and Cooper glanced up at me, grinned. He was so handsome. Seeing this softer side of him only made me want him more.
When dinnertime rolled around, Rory went out onto the porch and showed Lily his special trick for grilling the perfect burger. I was emotionally exhausted by the time I put her down to bed shortly after dinner.
Luckily Lily went down easily—no doubt she was just as exhausted as I was. She handled it well, but both of our lives had been flipped upside down and there was no going back to the way it was.
What that meant for how we moved forward, though…well, that remained to be seen. When I came back downstairs, Aunt Sarah graciously excused herself saying she had an important bridge game down at the senior center and slipped out the front door, pocketbook slung over her arm and a smirk on her lips. She was even brash enough to wink at the men.
While it was bridge night, I knew very well that she was trying to give us some space for a much needed talk. This wasn’t just a one-night-stand anymore. She wasn’t telling me to have a good time with two hot cowboys as she had—at least subtly—the night before. This was different. This was more. This was everything.
Judging by the curious looks she’d been giving me all day, I’d have plenty of explaining to do when she and I had a moment alone. I hadn’t told her who my date was the night before. I’d given her no notice when we showed up this morning, not that I’d had any either. She’d always known about Rory and Cooper—I hadn’t kept it from her—but neither of us knew about what they’d endured in the military and how seeing Lily would impact them. Would impact all of us. But first and foremost, I had to figure out what the hell was going on. Cooper wasn’t freaking because he just discovered he had a child. No, he freaked because he didn’t think he was good enough for her. That he’d hurt her. Scare her. They knew my secret and it was time to learn theirs.
