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. To her, it probably meant I was going to bail. That was what it felt like sitting here, that I’d bailed. On her, on us. On the family we were trying to make.
The executives filed in and I got up to greet them, shaking hands, settling across from me at the big conference table. I didn’t want to go through with this, and it wasn’t entirely because I was impatient to be home fixing things with Ethan and Rachel. Something about this whole experience didn’t feel right.
One of the men launched into a spiel about the team and the position. It all sounded too good to be true. Big salary, spring training in Arizona, months off in the off-season. Back in the dugout as a coach. When he was done, he asked a simple question. “So, Matt, why do you want this job?”
It was an easy warm-up question, one I should have been able to answer in my sleep. I’d known the answer all these years, waited for the moment when I could give it. But now that my chance was here, I found myself staring at the man as my mind went blank. Why did I want the job?
So I could be in the majors again? So I could watch on the sidelines as men younger and in better shape lived out my dream career that had been cut short?
For the first time since I got the call saying they were interested in me, I let myself imagine what it would really be like if I took the job. I’d be on the road all the time, which was fine when I’d been young and single, but now? Arizona didn’t seem too appealing. Now, it would mean leaving behind Rachel, and eventually our children. That thought brought with it a physical ache. I didn’t want to be away from her these few days in California. How would I feel when it was spring training and then the season with over one hundred-fifty games? And not one of those games happened in Montana.
I’d never had anything to sacrifice. Until now. Was it worth it? For so long I’d thought my dream was baseball, but I’d never stopped to notice that somewhere along the way, my dreams had changed. I’d fucking changed.
I pictured Rachel walking into my office with those warm hazel eyes and that sweet, knowing smile. She was my dream now. My every fantasy. And somewhere along the way her dreams had become mine, and definitely her fantasies. I couldn’t wait to hear her tell us she was pregnant. Couldn’t wait to watch her belly grow.
Sure, they might be tame dreams compared to my former aspirations, but that didn’t make them any less real. Hell, they were more real. What did I get out of the majors besides a bum shoulder? Nothing. With Rachel? I got everything.
And Hawk’s Landing? I’d always thought of it as Ethan’s dream, but at some point it had become mine, too. I loved working the land and having the space and freedom that came with living in Bridgewater. I liked sharing it with the guests, letting them see how special Montana was. There was nothing appealing about the idea of moving back to a major city. The noise. The lights. The crowds. Shit, I hadn’t seen rush hour in years. The only place I really wanted to be was the place I’d just left. Bridgewater.
I’d spent so long being bitter about what I’d lost, pissed that my shoulder had given out on me before I was ready, I’d never stopped to see what I’d gained.
The executives were watching me, waiting for an answer as the silence stretched into awkward territory. I didn’t care. I not only wasn’t nervous, I didn’t even care if they were impressed or not. I didn’t care, period. Not about this job, and not about baseball. Not any longer.
All that mattered was getting back home and making things right with the two people in the world that truly mattered.
My chair scraped against the floor as I pushed it back and stood, causing more than one executive to raise his brows in surprise.
“Sorry, gentlemen,” I said. “I have some place to be.”
As I headed out of the office and back to my hotel to pack, there were no regrets about my decision. If anything, I felt free. A load had been lifted off my shoulders. Maybe it was some of that old bitterness about the way my career had ended. Or maybe it was just the relief of knowing that I was finally heading home…to my family.
CHAPTER TWELVE
ETHAN
This was torture. Two days had passed and there was no getting through to Rachel. I’d tried everything but the woman had gone ice cold on me, shutting me out. She wouldn’t answer her door, wouldn’t answer my phone calls. The worst part was I was fighting for her on my own.
Matt had finally called back, but by then I hadn’t wanted to talk with him. Telling him over the phone that Rachel had ended things with us just seemed cruel. Besides, I’d hoped that I could convince her to give us another chance before he returned.
But he was still off on his trip and things with Rachel were worse than ever. I’d reached a dead-end on how to get through to her. At the office—she’d given two weeks’ notice—I’d talked until I was blue in the face, but she remained stubbornly silent on why she was breaking up with us. She’d even taken to wearing jeans again. The fun and games were definitely over.
I’d run out of options and was feeling desperate, which was why I called in reinforcements. If I couldn’t get through to her, I knew who could. I sat in a back booth at The Barking Dog and saw Emmy walk in with her husbands. I offered a quick wave to them as they remained by the door as Emmy approached. It was an off time, the lunch rush having come and gone, so the place was quiet. So was the jukebox in the corner. When she slid into the booth opposite me, she gave me a pitying smile that told me I looked like shit. I smiled at that because I knew she was right. I looked like shit and I felt worse.
“If Rachel found out I was meeting you, she’d kill me,” she said. She didn’t seem too concerned by her sister’s wrath, but I still apologized.
“I’m sorry to drag you into this. I just don’t know what else to do.”
She leaned over the table and her smile grew mischievous. “Oh please, I was ecstatic for an excuse to get out of the house with my men and my mother has been eager to babysit. Besides, I want to see Rachel happy as much as you do.”
I let that register. She had worked for us for two years, knew Matt and I better than most. “Does that mean you think we could make her happy?”
She rolled her eyes. “Are you kidding? I’ve never seen her happier in her life.”
Relief had me slumping back in the booth. But her response did nothing to help my confusion.
“I thought she’d been happy, too. Do you have any idea why she’s doing this?”
She bit her lip and toyed with the silverware set out before her. It was clear she was trying to figure out how much she could tell me without breaking her sister’s confidence.
