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Once I try to go forward, the pressure on my brain resists the effort. I feel Logan’s hands on my shoulders squeezing as he kisses my head. That gives me the strength to go forward. The sensation of a strange dream bombards me.
The image of me getting dressed up and then listening to the music in the car… It keeps evading me, giving only a glimpse of it instead of solid feel.
Then, the memory fragments and reveals horrifying images to me. I jerk in my seat as the pieces begin to assemble, but I can’t summon the courage to watch it up close. My lungs are burning as I hold my breath, eyes stinging from phantom terror.
The forced process makes me confused, and my head pounds. “I don’t remember details…”
I still can’t grasp why nothing seems to make sense to me. My pounding heart makes my chest ache with exhaustion. Agitated, my body begins to tremble.
Dr. Neil turns to my sister. “Raine, I think it’s time.”
My sister comes over and sits next to me, taking both hands in hers. She tries to tell me something, her blue eyes dampening in sorrow. I taste blood in my mouth, and freeze.
“Sandra, you came to visit me that Saturday. Do you remember that we had a barbeque? I did some gardening while our kids played on PlayStation. You read the book on your Kindle.” I shake my head, and I feel it rattle as my focus wavers. “Later, we had some wine, gossiping about neighbors. Our men worked in the garage on Rider’s new motorbike.”
She looks into my eyes, searching for something. I feel horror pulsing, as my stomach drops with fast-approaching misery, and I begin to tremble.
“Police officers found your bag inside the car, but not you. They recovered three people from the car, but you were nowhere to be found.” The chills run down my spine, swirling emotions bringing pending doom. Spots appear in my sight.
“You were gone for three days, sweetheart,” she whispers, now crying.
I gasp in shock, blinking repeatedly. A soul-deep tremor grabs my legs in its freezing grip, keeping me in shackles.
“Three days later, we received a call from your neighbors about an intruder. They saw someone in the dark house, moving around. Since you had no lights on and walked around there like a ghost, they thought that you might be a thief.” Raine gets choked up.
“We were so scared for you. How did you survive the crash with no injuries sustained? You had no recollection of what happened, and you were in shock for a while. You closed off from us. We assumed it was too scary for you to talk about it, so we let you be. You cried and slept a lot, and then raged and screamed. I thought you knew… I had never imagined that you didn’t remember.”
The earth’s spinning fast and I slide down to the floor, desperate to make sense of it all. I hold off the pressure waiting to burst, completely lost and disorientated. I try to get rid of the weighty drowsiness.
To get away, I retreat. Silence. Finally. I breathe in and I’m pulled into the whirlpool spinning me around in circles. Desperate, I try to grab onto something substantial, but it slips through my fingers like smoke.
“Cassandra, I need you to remember that night.” Dr. Neil tries to help me focus, only I am too terrified to face the truth. Bloodless hands shake in fear, and my mouth becomes so dry I barely can make a sound.
I am about to protest, but the memory forms like smoke in front of my eyes. Then it scatters, as if it never existed. Suddenly, I hear Raine’s voice. We clink our wine glasses and laugh at something. The vision solidifies, making me gasp. Sudden noise and loud talking wake me from the drowsiness. I’m sitting in the room with Raine, watching our children play.
“I won that race, you are the loser! Loser! Nana nana nah nah!” Nate dances around the room in his blue jeans and a favorite t-shirt saying “Double the Trouble” on it, laughing at his infuriated cousin, Arianna.
“That’s not fair, you cheated!” she shouts at him, offended by his arrogance.
She angrily leaves the room, and Nate shouts, “I’m double the trouble, cousin!”
Ethan laughs at him, then Nate grabs the remote control discarded by Arianna. “Hey buddy, you want to play with me? I’m the best racer ever!” Ethan jumps in excitement, dashing over to sit next to his big brother.
My heart contracts in my chest as a cold chill runs down my spine. My muscles feel like they’re crawling with ants, and my breath freezes in my lungs.
“Do you remember, Cassandra?” I hear the therapist again, as the vision of the past dissolves, leaving me frozen in bewilderment.
My eyes fill up with dreadful tears that has my skin feeling uncomfortable. Suddenly, I'm transported back to the living room again.
Raine’s cute dog keeps jumping on me and spilling the wine, leaving a stain on my new sweater. Ethan’s distracting me with his displeased cries as he bumps into track borders or crashes his racing car in the game.
“Now you look fierce.” Sam’s soiled hands draw foul lines on my face on purpose, and he kisses my lips just to make me more infuriated.
“I felt so drowsy, I wanted to go home, but I still had an appointment at the beauty salon. Sam dropped me off. He promised to come back to pick me up later.” I touch my lips to make sure that this is real, that I am not hallucinating.
“Soon, I realized that I had to withdraw some cash from the ATM.” The echo of the horrible explosion brings awful dread, and I whimper. Comforting hands envelope me in warmth.
“…when I heard the crash.” My ears fill up with noise.
