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A chortle escapes my lips, watching Liane’s confused expression when Grandpa removes his finger from her. Darren lays her in the crook of his hand, kissing and tickling her, but she lets out an unhappy wail.
“She is. But it might be simply a family trait. Liane is determined to get what she wants, using relentless approaches and intimidating techniques.”
“You might be right.” He beams at me, cooing at his granddaughter.
Leon doesn’t like to be left out, so he makes his presence very hard to ignore.
“Come here, little one. It is time to meet your Grandpa too,” Senior Cade coaxes Leon. Eagerly, he moves his legs and arms, trying to get there on his own.
“Hey, calm down, boy. Uncle Leif might drop you.” He passes Leon to Darren.
“Is she hungry?” Leif asks me, amused that Liane is chewing on my shoulder and probably expecting to see my boobs.
“For your information, Uncle Leif, she is in pain. She is self-soothing this way, and no, she has been fed.”
His smirk gets broader as I grow more annoyed with him. He is such a pervert, and I refrain from hurting the family jewels for making me feel uncomfortable to breastfeed.
“Would you like to go inside? I will whip us up something to eat. We will be more comfortable there, to talk after the twins go to sleep. You could play inside and get to know each other until then.”
“I don’t mind either way.” Logan’s father is still ensnared by my little boy’s energy.
We go inside, and Leif follows me into the kitchen. He looks nervous. Interesting. “What is it, Leif?”
“I brought him here to talk to you. He didn’t agree to draw up legal papers assigning the twins’ custody to Logan. He isn’t convinced that it is the best option.”
The fatherly approach will have more impact and be less hurtful, and I nod in agreement. Darren is doting on his grandkids with the presents he brought for them from the States.
Lost in my thoughts, I don’t see Darren approach right away, silently observing me. When I finally notice him, I ask, “Can I help you? Would you like something to drink? I am sorry, I forgot to ask earlier.”
“A glass of water will be fine. Leif is busy with the little twins, so I thought we could chat.” He looks around the kitchen.
“If you don’t mind me zooming around as I cook.” I’m sure he probably has a lot of things to do instead of be here with us.
“Leif told me about the incidents. Explain to me why you can’t go through the therapy with them in your life.”
I take a breath, collecting my thoughts. “Mr. Cade, I don’t want them to grow up in an unsafe environment. These episodes might endanger them. In my opinion, it’s not fair to ask people to carry my burden.” Darren is silent as I continue. “A few months back, I had a rage episode, and if they would have been there…” I choke, unable to voice my fears.
The terror still lingers thick on my skin. I take a huge shaky breath. “I grew up in an unsafe household, so I know what it is like to wait for the hurricane to tear the safety apart. I don’t want to be the hurricane in their lives. The best option would be if I let them go and find a way to cope with these episodes on my own.”
Motherly instincts are screaming at me not to go through it, but the ugly truth is, I have to. My eyes blur with tears as I push the words past my dry lips.
“Babies will be affected by their anxious mother. Whether I want it or not, they’ll learn to fear me. That is not normal, and I want them to have better than I can offer. I need time to figure it out, and I can’t do that if I am anxious about their safety.” I swallow the painful knot as my stomach coils with turmoil and fear.
To gather my thoughts and calm my racing heart, I pause. Damn it, it hurts! I stand there as tears run down my cheeks, and distress painfully squeezes my chest, trying to convince me not to do it.
I flinch as Logan’s dad puts his palms on my shoulders in comfort. “It’s ok, Cassandra, I will help. Everything will be all right, we will find a solution.” I stifle the sobs gathered in my throat as the older man draws me into a soothing cuddle.
The battle with Logan will destroy me in ways I can’t even imagine. He is a significant part of my life, and the thought of hurting him makes me nauseous. I have no choice, though, do I?
“Just keep in mind one thing. Logan is one of the most stubborn men I’ve ever met. He will not be easily convinced of this plan. Although, to be honest, I do think that space might be good for you.”
Our conversation is interrupted by my sisters bursting into my house with their shopping bags. Apparently, they had a lovely time at the mall.
“What do we have here? Hello, I’m Aisha, and this is Raine.” The girls giggle as they introduce themselves, and I can’t blame them. Darren Cade is quite a handsome specimen.
“I’m Darren Cade, father to Leif and Logan. And you are…sisters? Nice to meet you girls.” With all his charm turned on them, he makes them blush.
“Yes, we are, forgotten and hungry sisters. Feed us, please! Or I’m going after Leif’s soft parts,” Aisha threatens, as she winks at me in mischief.
