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“Not funny. I can’t be in love with you, Night! My brother’s trying to make quadruplets with you. Don’t get offended, but seriously, you are annoying most of the time. I don’t get the appeal.” I giggle at his dramatics as he settles down, realizing I’m only teasing him.
“So, you are in love with my sister then. Does she know?”
Surprised, he opens his mouth but closes it again. My eyebrow arches, challenging him to try to lie to me. He nods, and then shakes his head as he sits down next to me, a tortured expression on his face.
When he first came to visit us, he made me so scared, that I grabbed the knife and told him to get out. But with time, his teasing character has gotten under my skin and snuggled next to my heart like a cute kitten. I have a soft spot for Leif, even if he is infuriating. His uplifting spirit has never failed to distract me from my issues.
This hulk next to me is like a brother to me, infuriating and protective as hell. He takes me to therapy appointments and to group sessions, waiting outside so I would never be alone. The big hulk is a softy.
“The life my sister strives for is not the one you crave, Leif.”
He looks at me, hurt, as if I killed his puppy. “Are you sure?”
I smile at him, as he realizes I knew the truth all this time.
“Take it from me, Leif. Don’t waste time wandering around the world, looking for the things that never bring you joy. It will feel more meaningful if you share the experience with a beloved person.”
“I love your wisdom, Night, I do. But you have to do a lot of sharing as well, kitten. What’s the meaning of your pain and loss if you keep it to yourself? We might be free of many things, but our soul can be free only if connected.”
Both of us talk, watching the ceiling as we get lost in our thoughts. “Did we just have an earth-shattering conversation?” I chortle at the surprising discovery.
“That felt weird, let’s not do it again.”
“What are you going to do? With your infatuation, I mean. If you play my sister, I’ll have your nuts crushed an
d the sausage fed to the wolves,” I threaten him, warning that my loyalty stands with my sisters, who I must protect.
“I have to tell her and see where her heart is at. And then I’ll run because you’ll be kicking my ass hard for the things I want to do to her.”
With that, I kick and torture his ribs, so he shuts up. “I don’t need to know! Damn it! I feel sick to my stomach, thinking about you two. Eww! Thanks for the visuals. I need lots of toothpaste and a million decibels of music to cancel my thoughts.”
“I was exposed to your love life, sister, against my will. It was not my type of choice either, to be the priest listening to you begging for mercy. The walls next to my room need more layers of insulation.”
I hit him for good measure as my cheeks burn with embarrassment. Leif chuckles at my mortified expression.
“Unbelievable how modest you are! For God’s sake, Night! You’re in love with the man you made twins with, and you get to enjoy him. Stop judging yourself. I’m not.”
I stop and look at him, and my eyes fill with tears as my joyful heart squeezes.
“I love your brother, Leif, but I am afraid to ruin him. I don’t know if I am good for him.”
“You are not that bad. I noticed that you see only how inconvenient you are to us. It is time to forgive and make peace, sister. Start living your life.”
The future suddenly looks very promising, with all the love circling around.
Affected by the love my heart pulses with, I consider reconnecting with those who I have avoided. Let’s hope that it is not too rash a decision to make amends and learn to forgive.
PART IV
ABSOLUTION
Beeeep…
Beeeep…
Beeeep…
Wake up, my love!
