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“I know that it is hard for you to believe, Cassandra. Honestly, I regret locking you away. I know that burden of grief is yours to deal with, and I can’t force it on you.”
Nevertheless, hearing her repentance, I still want to believe in her love for me.
“But I am still where you wanted me to be.”
Finally, she smiles and comes closer. Mischievous eyes look at me as she kisses my temple and turns me around. Her hands begin to work on the buckles. Without any urging, she works fast, and minutes later, I am released. Tears fall down my cheeks and the pressure of my emotions threaten to be set free as she helps me up.
“Why now?” a hoarse voice full of fear and contained joy asks the woman with grieving eyes, regretfully looking at me.
“You must find your way back to us. Don’t let go of any thread. Pull it to you instead. I love you, my girl. We can’t make everything right if we meet at the grave. We are waiting for you to come home.”
She walks away, through the door that never opened for me before. Now it stands ajar, as some sort of luminescence, glowing like a green butterfly, zooms in. Surprised, I let out small laugh. Afraid someone might hear me, I cover my lips with my hands.
Beep... Beep… Beep… Whoosh… Beep… Beep… Beep… Whoosh!
I turn away from the butterfly, trying to reach for freedom through the tinted minuscule glass window at the top of the ceiling. Raine stands there, with a net to catch it, and Aisha, with the spool our mum left me, mimicking those beeping and whooshing sounds. Both girls are the same age, about eight, as they look at me, waiting to do something.
“Come on, you need to leave, it’s time.” Raine rolls her eyes dramatically as she bounces on her feet, trying to reach the butterfly.
“Why are you wearing no shoes? It’s winter and cold, you know?”
Aha, so how did those two find a butterfly fluttering around?
Aisha runs out, bringing me boots as soft as bunny fur, and a coat.
“It will be ok, Sandra, don’t be afraid.” She brushes my face with her warm hands, bopping my nose as she goes to help Raine. She hoists her up on her shoulders, and as they catch the creature in the net, they fall on the soft ground, laughing.
“Let’s go to play with Leif and Lucas, Aisha! You can kiss Leif, no one will notice.” They both run out with their treasure in the net, to show the boys their catch.
Gathering all my courage, I step through the door that my mum opened for me, noticing that the thread ball is no longer with me, as Raine took it away. Why did Mum insist on holding onto every thread? I ponder the significance of the woolen ball.
Chapter 17
Trying to reach you
~Logan~
Beep... Beep… Beep… Whoosh… Beep… Beep… Beep… Whoosh...
Beep… Beep… Beep… Whoosh... Beep… Beep… Beep… Whoosh…
She lies in the hospital bed, unmoving, with bruises all over her body and the life support machines attached to her. I walk over to her and gently take her broken fingers in mine. Softly kissing the exposed skin, I wash her bruises with my tears.
“Don’t leave me, Angel,” I beg her, as I stand and kiss the corner of her lips. A helpless whimper escapes me.
Her hospital room is full of white flowers, balloons, and “get well soon” cards. I spend most hours here with her, reading or talking, just so she wouldn’t be alone, and hope that one day, her hand will twitch or her eyes will open for me.
The beautiful view of the early morning sun shines through the window as snow starts to fall. Here in England, such beauty never stays for long. Perhaps that’s why it mesmerizes me, as snowflakes fall down on the too-warm ground and melt, turning into water.
“I miss you, Cassandra, so damn much. I hope to pull you back to me by the threads I have woven into our hearts.”
I take off my shoes and my sweater, leaving on only my black tank top, dark blue jeans, and black socks, to carefully climb in next to her. Slowly, so not to disturb any wires or tubes, I get comfortable next to her broken body wrapped in a blue hospital gown. I brush her beautiful hair until it’s tidy and sleek, then press my lips to her temple, allowing my tears to run freely. My chest constricts, powerless to change our fate.
From the pocket of my jeans, I pull out the ring and place it on her unbroken finger. The diamond shines back at me, mocking our hearts and hammering my brain with fears of losing her. My heart aches as I imagine life without this fierce, loving, and loyal woman that makes my blood run hot.
This can’t be all that there is for us. After such horrific life-changing experiences, Cassandra is supposed to get her happy ending, not the punishment she always thought she deserved. There is supposed to be a silver lining.
Nevertheless, she is in a coma, lost in a world beyond my reach, broken and mangled. The only string I hold is leading to her heart. So, I am going to pull that thread, and hope that it will eventually bring her back home.
