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“Mark.” I gasp his name, surprised to find him here. “What are you doing here?” I rasp. My voice feels raw, as is my soul.
He stands from the chair and strolls toward me. His piercing gaze locks on me, and I’m tempted to step back to make more space between us, so I can think.
“What happened?” He catches my arms, bringing me into his masculine chest. I soak up the heat and strength from him as if my body is starved for it. I blink away my tears before they have the chance to resurface. “Cassandra, tell me, what’s going on?”
He pulls me toward the chair and pushes me down, grabbing my bag and my coat from my hands. Once seated, he brings me a bottle of water from his office and fills up the glass on my desk. I gulp down the contents, needing to wash away my frustration. My throat relaxes as soothing liquid slides down my parched throat.
“I feel like a prisoner in my own home. I asked Darren to remove the security detail, and he refused, giving me no viable explanation whatsoever. Mark, I don’t understand why they’re doing this to me.”
Mark grasps my cold hands, bringing heat into my frozen fingertips. “I could appoint my own driver to stay with you . . .”
I shake my head and jump to my feet as the walls start to enclose around me. “What’s the point then? To exchange one cage for another? I simply want to live my life and be left alone. Nothing they do makes sense to me.” I look through the window at the clouds heavily hanging above us as if they’re about to burst open. I turn to ask something that has been bothering me for some time. “Why do I have a feeling you know the Cades much better than you’re letting on?”
He stiffens and his eyes glaze over, shoving the wall of ice in front of me. “They are one of the most influential families in the world. Of course I do.”
His raspy tone, inviting no further questions, grates on me as if some foreign instinct blares to life. Mark’s lying to me. My eyebrows furrow as I try to unlock Mark’s secrets, afraid to trust him with myself when he hides so much from me.
Who are you, Mark?
The lithe way he moved when he fought Lucas makes me believe he has training in martial arts and is disciplined enough to weigh his power before inflicting some damage. Regardless of my feelings, I can’t allow such violence near my kids. What if he can’t control his aggression?
Something in my gaze must have shown because he steps forward as if to fix what’s breaking. But I step back, raising my hand to stop him from following me. I need space to gather my thoughts and weigh my options. Perhaps Leif and Lucas were right. I should be careful who I invite into my life. Why should I trust the man who relies on no one?
“Cassandra, let me explain . . .” He doesn’t step closer, and I exhale a relieved breath. His presence is capable of erasing my reason. It’s like my entire being recognizes his, as if he knows every step I’ll make before I do.
“I need space.” He wants to protest, but then he shoves his hands into his suit pants and lets me talk. “We’re moving too fast. I need to think. There’s too much at stake, Mark. My job, my name, my family, my children, my own sanity.” I exhale, feeling overwhelmed. “I can’t—.” My throat aches as the fear of loss grips me.
“What are you saying?” Wariness enters his handsome features as I fight my demons trying to find their way back into my life.
“Perhaps we should slow down. We don’t know each other that well. You don’t trust me with your past, but I feel like you know mine. It’s not fair you hide things from me, and I don’t know how to feel about it.” My chest aches as I watch his face fall at my admission.
“Is this about the fight? Are you afraid of me?”
I open my mouth to deny it, but I stop myself. Mark nods in understanding and then unbuttons his jacket, dropping into the chair opposite my desk. He rests his elbows on his knees, raking his perfectly styled hair as he deliberates something.
“All right,” he finally speaks, “I can give you more time and space to think this through. I was summoned to Switzerland to meet a few business partners, so I won’t be back for a week.” He fastens his penetrating gaze on me, and I suck in a bolstering breath. “But after that, I’ll fight dirty, Lovebird. I hope you’re ready, because every time you run”—he rises from his chair to his full height, and my spine snaps straight as he saunters toward me—“I’ll play with the passionate woman you are.” He strokes my cheek and grazes my bottom lip. “You can’t deny me when I’m with you,” he whispers into my ear, igniting sparks to sizzle, and my breaths come in short gasps as I remember him tasting me on this desk.
I swallow my desire and twist my head until our lips meet almost in a kiss.
“But will you share your past with me? Because I want to know the man and his scars, Mark. You asked me not to hide mine, but you hide yours from me. You can’t have me without giving yourself to me.” I step back, shivering as cold permeates my bones when I lose his warmth.
“My past should stay in the past.” He grinds his words, his jaw set into a stubborn line.
“Without the past, we’re nothing, just perfect lines of deceit. You can’t expect I’ll be content with a façade of a man,” I tell him, fully aware that a few years ago, I was fighting this truth myself and failing. Logan was the one who was trying to unlock my secrets and fill me up with his love. And here I am, fighting with the reflection of my past self
.
“I could give you everything you desire.” He watches me with intensity like he wants to erase the history, rewrite his past. “Just not the dark, not the ugly. Isn’t this enough?”
“If I’ll give you the same, but not my story, not my tears, not my fears or even my heart, will you be happy?” I hold my breath as he steps toward me, seizing me by the waist.
“No. I want it all,” Mark whispers, determined, pressing his lips to my temple and then he turns and leaves me, standing in my office with all the unanswered questions tattering my sanity.
I inhale oxygen into my lungs, relieved he wants more than my body, more than the scars embedded in the surface of my skin. I understand how hard it is to divulge the extent of the damage the world inflicted on us.
15
Violent Shadows
