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He strokes his jaw as he thinks about it. “I’ll let you in. I promise. I’m not keeping this from you to hurt you. It’s much more complicated than that.”
I nod when he glances at me.
“Be patient with me, okay? It’s been a while since I’ve trusted another living being with all my secrets.”
I squeeze his leg, and my chest wants to burst with joy. He’s ready to work with me. And it has to be enough for now.
“How about the Cades? What’s going on between you all?”
“The Cades and me, we don’t get along. They’re powerful people, Cassandra. Their jaws are sharp, and when they bite you bleed.”
The hair on my nape stands on end, and a million questions leap into my brain.
“Have you worked with them in the past?”
Mark shifts in his seat as if he’s uncomfortable to answer.
“Mark, secrets and lies can destroy everything we try to build here,” I try to convince him.
“Is there still a chance to build a future with you?” He casts his honey gaze to me and then diverts his attention to the road. “Secrets and lies surround us. People either keep you in the dark because they don’t want you to get hurt or deceive you to get what they want.”
“Is this what you think about me too? I’m lying and weaving a web around you to get what I want?”
“That’s how the world works. We do everything out of selfish pragmatism.”
My chest becomes tight, and my mouth goes dry as his words dig deep into me.
“Are we a convenient goal in the scheme of all things, Mark?” I gape at him as he exhales, watching the road but seeing something else. “What kind of web are you weaving around me to get what you want?”
“Since I met you, I wanted to crawl inside of you and nestle inside the broken lines of your soul. I need all of you to be mine. That’s all.” He pauses. “We were an inevitable outcome. There was never a choice, not even the slightest chance not to fall for you, not for me . . .”
My eyelids fill up with tears, hearing his admission, but I blink it away, not understanding my own feelings or even his. Mark’s fears are too real, and they shape his perception of the world. I don’t know if I want to live with his hostile shadows.
We travel the rest of the way in silence, both lost in our own thoughts. My head spins with questions I’m afraid to ask. Did I have a choice not to fall for him? If I just kept away from Mark, if I never walked into that interview, I might have had a chance to protect my heart from him, to deny the pull and my own hunger to feel alive.
“I don’t want anything from you,” I finally tell him.
“Not even my soul or body?” he asks dryly. His lips tug in a taunting smirk. “You can’t say you haven’t used lies or deceived people to get what you want.”
My heart falls as I realize he thinks I’m using his feelings against him.
Fighting my emotions, I unfasten my seat belt to get out of the car once it stops. I did it in a way. I lived in a lie hiding from the tragic truth. I walked away from the car wreck, where my children and husband were trapped in. I was in shock. But that guilt is buried deep within my memories and is way too close to the surface to poke. Mark grasps my hand before I can climb out of the car.
“Cassandra, I didn’t mean to hurt you.” But he did.
The onslaught of emotions like a wave floods my chest, and I yank my hand from his grip and step out of the car, needing space to get my equilibrium back. A moment later, his door shuts, and he comes around to stand next to me. A silent mountain of muscles, sharp intelligence, and aching scars. Instead of meeting his gaze, I look at the darkening sky with the clouds grazing the sunny skylines.
“Cassandra, look at me.” His hand cups my cheek, looking straight into my soul.
A light touch to the jaw and a soft kiss to the temple are undoing me, and yet somehow fastening the rope tighter around my neck. My chest squeezes, reacting to his gentle caresses and husky tone that never fail to pull me in. I’m afraid if I let myself feel it, I will give in, and he might drown me.
His mouth lowers to mine and connects us with the kiss full of apology and regret, but also desperation. It tastes sweet and warm, but it solves nothing, just lays a bridge. Either we take it, or it will crumble the moment that space extends.
“I’m sorry . . . sometimes my demons are too loud to ignore. They poison my mind.” He looks away and swallows the lump, but then his clouded eyes return to mine, full of apology. “What I feel for you is making me question everything. It’s passionate, deep, powerful, and it’s terrifying. I’ve never experienced anything like it.”
“I’m also terrified to let you in and be vulnerable around the man I don’t know. I should have never let you get under my skin, but I did. You were the one who challenged me to take the leap of faith. But it’s your turn now to take yours.”
“I know.”
