AllFreeNovel
Share Us
Marianne was in agony, silent, excruciating agony that was made all the worse by having to maintain a cool, calm outward facade for the world in general and Hudson in particular. She talked, she ate, she drank, she moved her arms and legs, and had even managed the (Kid smile and spot of cheerful repartee when they'd taken their leave of Hassan and his family, but inside she was bleeding and raw and without hope.
She didn't know how Hudson was feeling. Earlier that morning, when he had emerged from the bathroom clean-shaven and showered, she had immediately scuttled in with her clothes and make-up and hadn't emerged until she was groomed and ready to face him.
She had expected… She hadn't really known what she expected, she reflected now as a taxi took them back to their original hotel where they had left most of their belongings, but it hadn't been this coldly pleasant, inscrutable stranger at the side of her. He had been cool and helpful when he had suggested he telephone the airport in Tangier and arrange a flight home to London for her before they had left Hassan's home, solicitous for her comfort during the journey—if remote—and calm and agreeable to the change of their plans at all times, and yet… She didn't have a clue as to how he was really feeling. The mask he wore so often in his chosen profession was very firmly in place.
'May I have your address in London?' His voice was courteous and distant—the sort of voice one used when asking something which was expected by the other party, but not particularly desired by the one asking.
And its very remoteness enabled Marianne to say, with an aplomb she was amazed at, 'I don't think so.'
'As you will.' The taxi came to a halt outside the hotel as he spoke, and as Marianne stepped into the dull, hot, sluggish air she felt a sudden and violent longing for the inclement cool weather she had left behind in England. It had been hot in France when she had first met Hudson an eternity ago, and it was hot now. Suddenly the rain and fog of England took on a poignancy that was painful—spelling out refuge to her exhausted, weary mind.
'Your flight is at six this evening and it's… ' he consulted the heavy gold watch on his wrist '… almost two now. Would you like me to arrange for a light meal to be served once you've freshened up?'
'No, no, it's perfectly all right; I'm not hungry,' she said quickly. She couldn't have put into words what his cold courtesy was doing to her, but she knew if she didn't separate herself from him soon she would do or say something she'd regret for the rest of her life. 'I… Thank you very much for the trip.' She stuck out a small hand for him to shake, her face as white as a sheet and her back straight 'It was very good of you.'
'Good of me?' He took her arm, his fingers absently massaging her wrist as his hand slid down her silky flesh. 'I don't think so,' he said softly as he walked her into Reception. 'Self-indulgent maybe, manipulative even, but not good.'
She missed her step as her head shot up to see his face, but it was quite expressionless. 'Hudson—'
'Your taxi will be here within the hour,' he continued evenly. 'So if you would like to use my room in the meantime I'll wait in the coffee lounge. Goodbye, Annie.'
'Goodbye?' Suddenly the moment of separation was here and she couldn't handle it 'But… Aren't you going to be around? The key… ' She looked down at his room key which he had placed in her fingers moments before.
'Leave it with Reception.' He bent forward, kissing her lightly and coolly on the forehead, before straightening and smiling as he said, 'Perhaps we'll meet again in another two years; who knows?'
And then he turned, walking away quickly and decisively without a backward glance and taking her heart with him.
Marianne showered and changed in the impersonal luxury of Hudson's suite, spending long minutes with her head uplifted to the cool, silky flow of water which erased the burning effect of her hot, salty tears, and was back down in Reception in time for the taxi which arrived promptly at three.
The tears had alleviated none of the grinding misery that was gripping her throat in a stranglehold, merely increasing the thumping pressure of the headache she had had since first thing that morning. She looked for Hudson in Reception—she couldn't help it—but there was no tall, dark, forbidding man with eyes the colour of stone, just the pretty little receptionist and smiling, pock-marked taxi driver who had already loaded her suitcases into his vehicle. Hudson had finally washed his hands of her—it was over.
She wanted to cry all the way to the airport but she didn't, gazing out of the grimy taxi window at the bright, sun-drenched changing view beyond, and wondering how on earth she was going to get through the rest of the day—let alone the rest of her life.
And then, as she stepped into the terminal, he was there in front of her, his grey eyes meeting hers calmly. 'Hudson?' For a second her defences were down and he read everything she felt in her unguarded gaze, before the shutters slammed into place. 'What are you doing here?' She took a deep breath but it was no good; her voice didn't belong to her. 'We… we said goodbye.'
'I need to talk to you.' He took the cases from her unresisting hands before she had time to pull herself together, marching her over to a quiet corner and sitting her down on a hard plastic bench. 'And I want you to listen to me.'
'I've got to check in—'
'You've plenty of time.' He cut through her shaky protest too quickly, his abruptness revealing he wasn't as cool as he appeared. 'It won't take long.'
'But I thought… You said at the hotel… ' And then she understood. A tactic. Another tactic. He was using everything he had ever learnt to wear her down, and it had nearly succeeded. She hadn't been able to believe the blinding sense of joy when she had seen his face after thinking she would never see him again, and he had planned it, used his knowledge of human weakness, manipulated her again as he'd confessed he'd done before. But somehow, as she met his level gaze, she couldn't be angry. He loved her. It was there in his face. And he was fighting in the only way he knew how—ruthlessly. He would never know how she wished he could succeed.
'You don't want to hear this but I'm going to say it anyway,' he said flatly. 'Even though I'm probably making a fool of myself for the second time in my life. I don't understand why you left me before and I don't understand why you're leaving me now, but I have never st
opped loving you for one hour, one minute, one second.'
He took a deep breath, his eyes wretched. 'Now, I thought at one time you didn't care, that it had all been a lie, but I don't think that now. You care, damn it.'
'Hudson, this will do no good for either of us.' She went to rise but he wouldn't let her, his hands shooting out to take her arms, his grip bruising.
'Oh, yes, it will, for me at least,' he said grimly. 'There has never been anyone else but you, Annie. Oh, I've had other relationships in the past, some good and some not so good, but none of them touched the core of me. I couldn't believe—' He stopped abruptly, taking a shuddering breath before he continued, 'I couldn't believe how you made me feel, in here.' He touched his chest softly. 'like a kid again, a young boy. I wanted to shout and brag and do ridiculous things to impress you—me, Hudson de Sance, cynical and worldly-wise sceptic that I was. And then you left.' He shook his head slowly, his eyes stormy.
'I told you, in the letter,' she whispered tremulously, the shaking deep inside her stomach so bad it was making her nauseous. 'I couldn't fit in with what you wanted—'
He swore, softly but with an intentness that shocked her, before he said, 'No more lies, Annie. If you can't tell me the truth say nothing at all, but no more lies. I don't know what happened that night you promised to marry me, but, whether it was demons from the past or something that occurred then, we can fight it together if you let me in. Damn it, you're not happy, I'm not happy—what have you got to lose?' he asked urgently.
Me? Nothing. You—everything you've worked for all your life. But she couldn't say it.
