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She came back from the past to find she must have been looking at him without seeing him. ‘Nothing,’ she said quickly. ‘My mind was wandering, that’s all.’
‘Wherever it had wandered it didn’t seem to be a good place from the look on your face.’ His gaze narrowed. ‘What makes me think it was something to do with us?’ he added softly, leaning back in the sofa as he surveyed her through glittering black eyes. ‘It was, wasn’t it? What was it?’
Her senses registered the way his powerful muscles moved as sleekly as an animal’s, and she was reminded again how magnificent his body was. The first time she had seen him naked she had been in awe of his male beauty. She still was.
‘Melody?’ he pressed silkily, in a way she knew meant he wasn’t going to let the matter drop. ‘Tell me.’
Suddenly she threw caution to the wind. ‘I was thinking about how in the whole of our marriage, apart from on our honeymoon, we were constantly surrounded by people wanting a piece of you,’ she said flatly. ‘Weekdays, weekends—it was always the same. Looking back, I’ve sometimes thought I was just one of many hangers-on in your world.’
To say she had shocked him was an understatement. She watched as his fiercely intelligent mind considered what she’d said. ‘You were never, ever just anything. As my wife you were up there with me one hundred per cent. Or at least I thought you were.’ He had sat up straight as he’d spoken, every line of his body tense now. ‘Obviously I was mistaken.’
She wasn’t going to let him lay it all on her. ‘You never asked me what I wanted, Zeke. Not really. And I admit for my part I should have spoken up, but I was overwhelmed by it all.’ By my incredible fortune in marrying you. By the impossible fact that you loved me. ‘And I’m not saying I didn’t enjoy it, because I did, but I never really felt—’
‘What? What didn’t you feel?’
‘That I fitted in, I guess.’ She shook her head, biting her lip. ‘Maybe you were right when you said I never thought we’d last. I was never conscious of thinking that, but once you said it I realised there was an element of truth there. And it wasn’t just because of my grandmother and her attitude to men. Not wholly. It was because I sort of slotted into your life without you having to make any changes, with me hardly making a dent in your way of going on. And if I disappeared out of it again the same would apply. Nothing would really alter. I’d barely make a ripple as I left.’
Zeke was staring at her as though he’d never seen her before. ‘You can’t believe that,’ he said eventually, clearly stricken. ‘How many times did I tell you I loved you? That I had never loved anyone else? Did you think I was lying?’
Melody paused before answering. She was aware she had opened a can of worms, but there was no going back now. ‘No, I know you loved me,’ she said slowly. ‘But why wouldn’t you when I was doing everything you wanted? Being what you wanted? And it wasn’t all your fault. I’m not saying that. I loved seeing how the other half lived and being part of that world. It was exhilarating and crazy and a million things besides. But—’ Another silence while she searched for words to explain the unexplainable. ‘But there’s another world too—a real world. A world devoid of rose-coloured glasses.’
‘Meaning what, exactly?’ His voice was grim, his body tense.
She shrugged. ‘I suppose I mean that outside the Zeke James bubble people struggle to pay their bills each month, they work nine to five just to make ends meet, they strive all their lives and never really make it. They can’t just pick up the phone and have half a dozen people ready to jump through hoops and pave the way for whatever they want. They’ve never experienced walking into a store and being able to buy whatever they like without looking at the price tag. They have bad days, they get sick, they—they have accidents.’
She stopped abruptly. She wasn’t putting this very well. What she wanted to say had nothing to do with wealth and fortune. Not really. It was about Zeke belonging to her and she to him. ‘I can’t explain it very well,’ she added lamely.
‘Are you blaming me for succeeding in life?’ Zeke asked, his voice as even as a sheet of glass. ‘Because you’ll wait one hell of a long time for me to apologise for that. I pulled myself out of the gutter inch by inch, and I saw enough to know I’d rather slit my own throat than go back to it. Try living in a succession of rooms with the one person who’s supposed to love and look after you but who forgets you’re alive most of the time. Sleeping in filthy beds, eating half-mouldy food because if you don’t you’ll starve and no one will give a damn. Having no idea what a bath is but knowing other people out there don’t smell like you and your mother and her pals do. And when you’re finally dumped into care, longing to go back to that life, bad as it was, because it’s all you’ve ever known and you’re scared out of your wits.’
As if he couldn’t bear looking at her he stood up, turning away and taking a deep breath. For a moment his back was ramrod-straight and the muscles in his shoulders hard and tense. Every line in his body proclaimed how much she’d hurt him.
Horrified at the wounds she’d uncovered, Melody murmured, ‘Zeke, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean… I’m sorry.’
He swung to face her and she saw the iron control was back. ‘It doesn’t matter.’ His face was relaxed, calm, but she knew he wasn’t feeling like that inside. ‘It was a long time ago. But don’t tell me I haven’t experienced life, Dee. I wasn’t brought up in what you call the Zeke James bubble. Blood, sweat and tears got me to where I am today—that and Lady Luck. But I’ll tell you one thing.’ He moved over to where she was now standing, his dark eyes fixed on hers. ‘I could give it all up tomorrow and walk away without a backward glance or an ounce of regret. You talk about my world, but let me make one thing perfectly clear. It doesn’t own me. I own it. There’s a difference. One hell of a difference.’
Melody stared into the rugged face. She wanted to believe him but she didn’t know if she did. And, anyway, did it really make any difference one way or the other? It was all relative.
This close, she was aware of the fresh soapy smell emanating from his body, of his still-damp hair falling into the quiff which was somewhat boyish and incongruous against the hard tough features. It strengthened his overwhelming maleness in a way that caused her heart to pound as the intimacy of the moment deepened. She felt the pull of his attraction drawing her.
He reached out and sifted a strand of her hair through his fingers, letting it fall back into the shining curtain on her shoulders as his eyes caressed her face. ‘You look good enough to eat,’ he said huskily. ‘Far more delicious than fondan
t fancies and infinitely more satisfying.’
Melody knew what was going to happen, and she also knew he was giving her time to move away, to break the spell which had fallen. The sitting room was lit only by a couple of lamps Zeke had switched on, and the soft mellow glow was enhanced by the swirling snow outside the window and the twinkling white lights on the little Christmas tree. It was cosy and snug, safe and warm, and the power of his sensuality wrapped round her as she gave herself up to the magic of his kiss.
His bare arms folded round her waist, tugging her into the cradle of his hips as he purposefully deepened the onslaught on her senses. She felt her breasts respond as the towelling robe pressed against the wall of his chest, their tips hardening and swelling as the blood heated in her veins.
His tongue probed the warmth of her inner mouth and the effect on her was electric. A little moan escaped her throat, vibrating against his mouth and causing Zeke to groan in return as her arms wound round his neck, her fingers sliding into the black thickness of his hair.
Now his mouth was hungry, demanding and wonderfully, achingly familiar as every nerve in her body sensitised. His grip tightened around her waist, his hips grinding against hers as he moved her against him. She arched in unconscious abandonment, unaware the folds of the robe had opened as her belt had loosened. And then she felt his warm hands on the bare flesh beneath the thin wispy bra she was wearing and she froze.
‘No.’ Her voice was high with panic as she jerked away, pulling the robe back in place and jerking the belt tight.
Zeke was breathing like a long-distance runner and he had to take a rasping breath before he could speak. ‘It’s all right.’ He wouldn’t let her escape him completely, drawing her back into his embrace with steel-like arms which allowed no protest. ‘We can take this as slow as you want.’
‘I don’t want it at all.’ Melody’s mouth was dry and she licked her lips and swallowed painfully. ‘We can’t—’
‘We can.’ He kissed her again—a mere brushing of her trembling mouth. ‘We’re man and wife, Dee, and you’ve just proved you want me every bit as much as I want you.’ It wasn’t arrogant or triumphant, just a simple statement of fact. ‘We are one and you can’t fight that.’
