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Their lovemaking was as good as it had ever been, and the feelings were the same, but different. Before she had imagined they knew all there was to know about each other. Now she felt she didn’t know herself, let alone Zeke. But one thing she was sure about was that she wanted him, and she wanted him because she loved him. She would always love him. She knew that now. It was part of what had terrified her after the accident. Maybe deep inside it had always terrified her. Love gave the beloved such power, such control. It had broken her grandmother, probably her mother too, and it would break her if she stayed and let it happen.
And then all reasoning became blurred again as desire took over—a desire only Zeke could quench. He moved slightly and she felt the tip of his masculinity at the mound between her thighs. He moved again and entered her just the tiniest bit, causing her legs to wrap round him as her body urged him closer and she arched her hips.
His mouth found hers once more, his lips warm and firm, and as his tongue thrust a path into her inner sweetness he possessed her to the full, the sensation extremely satisfying. He waited one moment, while her body adjusted to the swollen hardness of him, and then began to thrust strongly, building their shared excitement as the pleasure became almost unbearable in its intensity.
When the moment of climax came Melody thought she would shatter into a million pieces, her muscles contracting so violently that Zeke reached his peak a second later, his body shuddering as he groaned her name. And when the pulsing of their flesh quietened he collapsed on top of her, burying his face in the curve of her throat as he murmured her name again, his voice tender and soft.
It was a while before he half lifted himself on one elbow, studying her flushed face as he said lazily, ‘Wow. If this is what a period of abstinence does, it’s not all bad.’ He smoothed a lock of hair from one cheek, his tough light. ‘You’re something else, woman.’
‘You’re not so bad yourself,’ she managed fairly normally, thankful his mood was so relaxed and lighthearted. She couldn’t have handled any more soul-searching right at this moment. A part of her knew that Zeke would see their making love as a means of putting everything right between them, but she would deal with that when she had to.
He pulled the duvet over them both, tucking her against him with his arm round her shoulders. ‘How can even a hotel room become home when you’re with the person you love, whereas our house was just bricks and mortar with you gone? It’s made me realise I could live in a mud hut and be perfectly happy if you were there.’
Melody forced a creditable laugh. ‘I can’t see you in a mud hut—not unless it was fitted with internet access and enough mod-cons to let you keep your finger on the pulse.’
There was a moment of vibrating silence before Zeke shifted, lifting her chin so he could meet her eyes. ‘Is that so?’ he said lazily. ‘If someone heard that who didn’t know me they’d think I was a control freak.’
She never had known when he was joking, and she didn’t now. She looked at him for several long seconds before she saw the twinkle in his eye. ‘Oh, you,’ she murmured weakly, snuggling into the side of him.
‘Actually, you’ve got me all wrong.’ He kissed the top of her head, his voice rumbling deep inside his chest where she pressed her face against his torso. ‘Like I said to you before, my work doesn’t control me. It never has. I do what I do because I enjoy it and because it has been fulfilling on the whole. Sometimes a situation has gripped me and I’ve put too much effort in for too little reward, but not often. Other times I’ve made mistakes. Like the time I cancelled a certain luncheon engagement because of a crisis that I thought only I could solve. Biggest mistake of my life.’
He paused, his voice wry when he said, ‘Maybe there has been a touch of control freak there after all, but no more.’
A leopard couldn’t change its spots, and why should Zeke change, anyway? She had known what she was getting into when she’d married him after all. But things had been different then. She had been different. And she couldn’t go back to how she’d been.
Suddenly all the reasons why it had been madness to sleep with him again were there, panic coursing through her as she realised what she’d done. She wasn’t aware that she had tensed or changed her position in any way, but she must have done, because his voice was deep and expressionless when he said, ‘What’s the matter? You’re retreating again.’
She wriggled out of his arms, swinging her legs over the side of the bed as she said, ‘Don’t be silly. I—I need the bathroom.’ She looked for her pyjamas, but the items of clothing scattered on the floor all looked the same in the shadows. The thought of walking to the en-suite naked was unthinkable. What if he put the main lights on or followed her? But she couldn’t sit there all night. The thoughts flowed with the swiftness of terror. And if she started scrabbling about for her pyjamas she’d look ridiculous.
‘Dee?’ He touched her back and she flinched. ‘Have I said something? I was trying to be honest.’
‘It’s fine.’ Even to herself her voice sounded brittle. Knowing she had to do something, and fast, she stood up and practically ran to his bathroom, shutting the door behind her and leaning against it for a moment before grabbing the white towelling hotel robe from the back of it and sliding it on. Jerking the belt tight, she shut her eyes in relief, her breath expelling in a deep sigh. She was safe. He hadn’t seen her.
She had known Zeke would follow. When a tap came at the door her eyes opened. ‘Dee? Are you okay?’ he called softly.
She pulled the belt tighter. ‘Yes, I’m fine.’
‘I don’t believe you.’ His voice was strained.
‘I’m all right, I promise. I just need a minute, that’s all. Please, Zeke. I’ll be out in a moment.’
There was a pause, and she could almost hear his mind whirring. Then his voice came quiet and steady. ‘I’ll get us a drink. What would you like? Wine? Fruit juice? Or coffee, tea, hot chocolate? There’s plenty in the fridge as well as hot drinks.’
Numbly, she forced her lips to move. ‘A coffee. Thanks.’
‘Don’t be long.’ A pause. ‘I miss you already.’
She waited until she was sure he’d gone and then turned on the light, staring at her reflection in the mirror over the wash basin. A wild-eyed, pale-faced woman stared back at her and she barely recognised herself in the haunted features.
What had she done? What had she done? And what sort of message had sleeping with him sent to Zeke? No, Zeke, I don’t want to stay married to you. Oh, yes, Zeke, you can take me to bed. No, Zeke, there’s no future for us. Oh, yes, Zeke, the more intimate we are the better.
She sat down on the edge of the bath, her fingers pressing tight into her closed eyelids as though she could shut out the memory of the past hour, erase it from her mind by an iron will. But of course that was impossible. She’d done some stupid things in her life but this went far beyond stupid. Infinitely beyond. It was cruel and selfish and unreasonable and totally unforgivable. He would hate her now and she didn’t blame him.
She was still berating herself when another tap came at the door. Zeke’s voice was light, with a thread of steel. ‘If you don’t come out, I’m coming in.’
Her hands tightened on the edge of the bath and then she stood up, opening the door. ‘I was just coming.’
‘I thought you’d prefer coffee in the sitting room,’ Zeke said coolly. He was wearing the black silk pyjama bottoms and nothing else, and he looked hard and tough and sexy, his hair ruffled and his eyes ebony-dark as they scoured her face. ‘And then perhaps you can tell me why you left our bed like a scalded cat. I wa
