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Mabel shook her grey head, making her permed curls bob. ‘I was very mixed up. Confused and hurting and trying to be strong.’
‘Like me,’ Melody whispered, and Mabel squeezed her hand. ‘What happened? Did you get as far as trying out Australia?’
‘Arthur’s mother came round to see me one morning. It was at the end of April and the sun was shining. I opened the door to her and burst into tears. She stayed the whole day and we talked and talked. I’d lost my own mum years before, and I wasn’t one for sharing my troubles with anyone—especially anything private-like. She said something very wise to me that day, and it was a turning point, bless her.’
‘What was it?’ Melody was holding her breath.
‘That the only thing to fear is fear itself. I fought the idea at first, telling myself I wasn’t afraid, that it wasn’t as simple as that. It’s amazing how many reasons you can find to justify yourself when you try. But of course she was right. I was frightened of the future, of trying again, of failing, of losing Arthur’s love—a whole host of things. And fear has a way of undermining every foundation in your life, of clouding every issue, especially love and trust. It blinds you.’
‘And so you stayed,’ Melody said softly. ‘You didn’t leave.’
Mabel nodded. ‘It wasn’t a bed of roses, mind. I had to work at it every day. The worries didn’t go overnight—they were too deeply ingrained, I suppose—but slowly I saw light at the end of the tunnel, and when I became pregnant again a few months later I believed it would be different and it was. Our Jack was a big strapping baby, with a pair of lungs on him to wake the dead and a smile as wide as London Bridge.’
Melody smiled. ‘I’m glad for you, I really am, but your circumstances were different to mine.’
Mabel let go of her hand, but her eyes were tight on the young face in front of her when she said, ‘Different circumstances, lovey, but same cause. From what you’ve told me your Zeke isn’t about to change his mind about you because of a few scars. Not now, not ever. And you’re running just the same as I tried to do, although I was going farther than you—across the other side of the world. But you could go that far and it’d be the same mistake. Because you can’t outrun the fear. You take it with you. When you were talking earlier you called yourself a dancer, but that’s not quite right, dear. Dancing was something you did, but it didn’t sum up who you are. You’re made up of a thousand and one things that make the whole, and by the sound of it that whole is what your husband loves. Same as Arthur loved me.’
Melody gazed into the wrinkled face that was so kind it made her want to cry. ‘Zeke said something along those lines,’ she admitted quietly, ‘but I thought he was just being the dutiful husband and trying to say the right thing to comfort me.’
‘There’s nothing wrong with that—a bit of husbandly comfort,’ Mabel said stoutly. ‘But it doesn’t mean he didn’t mean it. I came to realise that what doesn’t break you makes you stronger, as a person and as a couple. That sounds trite, lovey, but I can say it because I’ve proved it. Young folk today have grown up having everything in life as instant as the coffee they drink, and when something happens that needs a bit of backbone to deal with it half of them are befuddled as to how to cope. You’re not like that, and I don’t think your Zeke is either.’
Melody thought back over the past twenty-four hours and the hundreds of little ways Zeke had shown he loved her, and wiped a tear from her cheek. ‘But he hasn’t seen what I look like now,’ she whispered. ‘And there’s so many women out there that throw themselves at him.’
‘That’s the fear talking again.’ Mabel leant forward and patted her hand briskly. ‘Now, I’m going to make us another cup of tea and a nice bacon sandwich before you go. Me and Arthur always used to start the day with a cup of tea and a bacon sandwich, but I’ve got out of the habit since he went. And Melody—’ Mabel held her gaze, her voice soft ‘—don’t expect to cross all your bridges in one fell swoop, dear. You’ll have good days and bad days, but you’ll win through—same as I did. It seems to me that your Zeke needs you every bit as much as you need him. Have you considered that? All those women you talk about were throwing themselves at him for years before he met you, and he didn’t fall for any of them, now, did he? Believe in him, lovey. Have faith. Christmas Day is a better day than most to start doing that, don’t you think?’
Melody nodded, only half convinced. She suddenly realised she needed to see Zeke again, to look into his face when he said he loved her, into his soul. She watched Mabel bustle about the kitchen without really focusing on her. But even that wouldn’t be enough. He had to see her as she was now, and it was then she would know. She loved him so much she would be able to read what he felt about having a crippled wife. She would always walk with a limp now, always have a jerky gait, and in the immediate future there were weeks of physiotherapy in store, with possible complications in the way of arthritis and so on as she got older. Their world had been a place of beautiful people—starlets, celebrities, the rich and famous. And botox and plastic surgery when the edges began to fray.
She glanced at her watch and was amazed to see how the time had gone. It was nine o’clock. Zeke might be awake now, wondering where she was. She had to get back to the hotel.
She gulped down her bacon sandwich, anxious to be gone but not wanting to offend Mabel after all her kindness, and then hugged the little woman before she left the house.
It was bitterly cold outside, but the morning was bright, a high mother-of-pearl sky and a pale sun giving brilliance to the snow-covered world beneath. The city was properly awake now, and although it was not as busy as usual on the main roads, Melody passed lots of pedestrians picking their way along the icy pavements, some with children in tow on new bikes or scooters, which their parents were endeavouring to manipulate through the snow, panting and puffing as they urged their offspring along.
Melody was halfway back to the hotel when she caught sight of Zeke in the distance—a tall, hatless figure head and shoulders above most other folk. Even being so far away she could see his face was as black as thunder. He was angry, furious. Her heart buffeted itself against her ribcage and she stopped, watching him get nearer. He hadn’t seen her yet, and she didn’t know whether to wave or not. In that first moment of panic if she could have disappeared through the floor out of sight, she would have. He was clearly beside himself.
/> She had always tried not to upset him in the past. Confrontation of any kind had always crushed her. Not just with Zeke, with anyone, she acknowledged rawly. She had always needed people’s approval, or at the very least their acceptance, and to achieve it she had sometimes stifled her own opinions or desires. Somehow the accident had changed that, and she mustn’t go back to how she had been. She didn’t want to do that. She straightened, her slim shoulders going back as her chin lifted.
Zeke saw her in the next instant, and even from fifty yards away she could see the relief which flooded his taut features. She swallowed, feeling her heart rate skip up another couple of notches, and began walking towards him, wondering how her life had become this constant plunging spiral of emotion. She wanted some kind of normality again. Life would never be humdrum if she stayed with Zeke, she knew that, but their day-to-day existence had been if not ordinary then part of a pattern. The times when they had been alone had not been as many as she would have liked, but there had been the nights locked in his arms when he had been all hers. If only that could happen again.
She didn’t know what to expect when Zeke met her. Certainly not the blank face and the voice empty of all expression when he took her arm, saying, ‘Let’s get back to the hotel.’ He suited his long stride to her shorter one, but that was the only concession he made as they negotiated their way along the snowy pavements which were lethal in places.
Melody looked up at him from under her eyelashes, her gaze registering the lines of strain round his mouth and eyes. She had been right. He was angry, but he had been worried too—as she would have been if their positions were reversed. But she’d had to get away for a while, selfish though it had been, although she couldn’t expect Zeke would understand that.
‘I’m sorry,’ she said in a small voice. ‘I went for a walk to think. I—I didn’t mean to be so long.’
‘Some four hours in all, according to the receptionist who saw you leave the hotel,’ Zeke said silkily.
Melody winced. She would have preferred him shouting at her than his dangerously controlled soft tone. It never boded well.
‘And it didn’t occur to you to ring me and let me know you were all right?’ he continued. ‘Or even turn your mobile on so I could contact you? But, no, why should it? You’re totally in Melody world, aren’t you? I’m merely your husband, that’s all.’
Melody bit her lip to stop herself firing back. He had every right to be mad. ‘I was fine.’
‘And I knew that by what? Telepathy? I had no idea where you were when I found you’d gone a couple of hours ago. I’ve been scouring the streets looking for you and trying to ignore the fact that the river is very deep and very cold.’
‘You didn’t think—’ She stopped, appalled he could imagine she would take her own life. ‘You couldn’t have imagined…’
‘I didn’t know what to think, Melody.’
