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Two spots of colour burnt in her ashen face now as her own temper rose. ‘I didn’t say that.’
‘That’s exactly what you said.’ He was breathing hard and still furiously angry. ‘Okay, let me ask you something. What if it had been me in that accident? What if I’d been the one having the operations and months in hospital? What if it was my legs? Would you be looking around for someone else?’
‘Of course I wouldn’t. You know I wouldn’t.’
‘Then why the hell do you think I would? And what makes your love so damn superior to mine? Because that’s what you’re insinuating, however you dress it up, and I resent that.’
‘You’re twisting my words,’ she said helplessly, on the verge of tears. ‘I never said my love is better than yours.’
Zeke looked at her trembling lips, at the bruised blue shadows under her eyes from where she hadn’t slept and her too-slim frame where the weight had dropped off her. Swearing softly, he pulled her into him, careless of where they were. ‘Don’t cry,’ he muttered thickly. ‘I don’t want to make you cry. I want to love you and care for you and make it all better, but you’re driving me mad, woman. Stark, staring mad. I’ve nearly gone insane the last few weeks. I even resorted to coming to the hospital at night and sitting outside in the car park just to be near you. Crazy, eh? But that’s how it’s been.’
Melody relaxed against him for a moment—but only a moment. Far from reassuring her, his words had hammered home the fact that Zeke wasn’t seeing things clearly. He couldn’t make it all better—no one could—and the words he’d spoken earlier, about being in it for the long haul, were at the forefront of her mind. He felt staying with her, supporting her, protecting her, was his duty. And duty wasn’t a bad thing, even if there were folk these days who regarded it as a four-letter word; she just didn’t want it to be the reason for their marriage to continue. She couldn’t live with pity. His pity.
Drawing away from him, she made herself finish her cup of coffee. After a moment or two he did the same, but the ebony eyes remained fixed on her delicate features as he drank. ‘This is partly to do with your grandmother,’ he said after a little while. ‘You know that, don’t you? A damn big part too.’
Caught unawares, she shot her gaze to meet his. ‘What on earth are you talking about? My grandmother has been dead for years.’
‘I know she brought you up and you loved her,’ he said tersely, ‘but she wasn’t exactly a fan of the male of the species, from what you’ve told me. She never let you forget that your father walked out on your mother, and your grandfather’s affairs were mentioned every day. Isn’t that right?’
‘Every day is an exaggeration.’
‘Not much of one. She drip-dripped the poison of her own bitterness for years. You know she did. She couldn’t get over the fact that he left her in the end, even though she’d put up with his roving eye most of their marriage.’
Melody lifted her soft chin and glared at him anew. ‘And why should she have forgiven him? He was a hateful man. I’d have taken him to the vets for a certain operation if he’d been my husband,’ she declared stoutly.
A flicker of a smile touched Zeke’s mouth. ‘I’ll bear that in mind,’ he said gravely. ‘But the truth is her jaundiced view did some damage and made you very insecure in certain areas. Admit it. It’s the truth, Dee, and you know it. Face it.’
‘I’ll do no such thing.’ How dared he criticise her grandmother like this? ‘And my father and grandfather’s actions have absolutely nothing to do with this situation.’
‘It isn’t a situation, Dee,’ Zeke said grimly. ‘It’s our marriage and, regardless of what you say, their unfaithfulness has a huge bearing on how you see it and me. Did you ever expect us to make old bones together? Did you? Deep, deep inside, in your subconscious? Because I don’t think you did. I never have. But that didn’t matter because I intended to prove you wrong and I wasn’t going anywhere. I’m still not.’
He was confusing her, muddling everything up, and it wasn’t fair. She had prepared herself for the inevitable over the past torturous weeks, steeling her heart against any hope, and she couldn’t go back to the terrible time just after the accident when she hadn’t known what to do. That had been worse than after she’d realised leaving Zeke was the only way she could retain her dignity and who she was in the future. She couldn’t watch him slowly fall out of love with her as their life together went wrong. Their work and colleagues, their friends—everything was tied up in a world in which she had no part now. The very thing that had joined them was now the gulf forcing them apart. The ultimate irony.
‘I just know I can’t do this any more, Zeke,’ she said wearily. ‘Us, our marriage. I can’t.’
The entrance doors to the hotel opened as she finished speaking and a young Japanese couple came in with two small and clearly very excited children, gabbling away in their own tongue. The little girls were so cute in their matching red coats and hats that in spite of how she was feeling Melody had to smile as she caught their mother’s eye.
‘It’s the snow,’ the young woman called across in perfect English. ‘They so wanted snow at Christmas, so Santa and the reindeers could land their sleigh here and feel at home.’
‘That’s very important,’ Melody agreed, glancing at the little tots as she added, ‘And don’t forget to leave some carrots for those reindeers, will you? They get very tired delivering so many presents in one night.’
The children giggled; whether they understood her or not Melody wasn’t sure, but as she turned back to Zeke he was watching her with unfathomable eyes.
‘And what about the family we said we’d have one day?’ he said quietly. ‘Where do children fit into this future of yours?’
She looked down at her hands, letting the heavy wings of soft strawberry-blond hair hide her face from him. ‘They—they don’t,’ she whispered, knowing if she didn’t have babies with Zeke she wouldn’t have them with anyone. Just the thought of another man touching her
was unthinkable. She was Zeke’s and she’d always be his—body and soul—even though she couldn’t be with him.
‘I see.’ His voice was low and tight. ‘So you’ve made the decision on my behalf. How kind. And am I allowed to protest at losing the chance of fatherhood?’
‘You don’t have to lose it. You could have children with someone else.’ She still didn’t look at him.
‘If it wasn’t for the fact we’re in a public place I’d tell you exactly what I think of that little gem,’ he ground out with hot, fuming fury. ‘Do you seriously imagine anyone else could take your place? Do you? Hasn’t anything I’ve said in the past meant something? I fell in love with you. I don’t want anyone but you. Not ever. Listen to what I’m saying, damn it.’
She had never seen him so angry when she made the mistake of glancing up. His face was that of a stranger—a dangerous, outraged stranger—as black as thunder, and his words were underlined with the same furious energy.
Her heart threatened to give way but somehow she kept her voice steady when she said, ‘This is what I was trying to avoid by not seeing you. I don’t want to fight with you, Zeke, but I mean what I say and you won’t change my mind. If you want to forget about lunch and leave now that’s fine.’
