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‘This is a cosy little huddle.’ The deep voice from the doorway interrupted them seconds after a brief cursory knock. ‘Is it private or can anyone join in?’
‘See what I mean?’ Isabella said to Fabia with a resigned little shrug. ‘Never a minute to myself, visitors, visitors all day long. And then they wonder why I’m tired...?’ She looked up at her grandson as he crossed the room to stand by her side, the wealth of love in her eyes belying the harshness of her words. ‘You can both kiss me goodbye now,’ she added grandly. ‘I shall sleep directly afer lunch.’
They left the room a few minutes later with Isabella’s words ringing in Fabia’s ears, and as she ate the light lunch Mary had prepared for them in the comfort of Alex’s sitting-room she glanced at his sombre, distant face once or twice, seeking something, anything, that would indicate Isabella was right. But there was nothing in the cold, slightly cruel slanted eyes that gave her any hope and his face could have been cut in stone, such was the lack of expression on the chiselled features.
They left the house just after one, with Mary’s goodbyes ringing in her ears and the dogs’ mournful eyes when they spotted the suitcases making her more depressed than ever.
‘Isabella asked me to tell you that she would like you to visit again soon,’ Alex said suddenly after they had driven a few miles in complete silence. ‘Do you think that may be possible?’ There was a certain inflexion in his voice, a tilt to his head, that made a surge of wild hope flare briefly, only to die as quickly as cold reason inserted itself grimly into her head.
He wanted what he considered was the best for his grandmother at the moment, she told herself flatly, and he had warned her at the outset of all this that Isabella was a born matchmaker. ‘Maybe,’ she said quietly. ‘Let’s just play it by ear, shall we?’
He turned quickly to give her a flash of a smile that had some of the old warmth in it, and as he did so her heart turned over. ‘Suits me,’ he said lightly. ‘I’ll be in touch.’ That wasn’t quite what she had meant but somehow the feeling that had swamped her so fiercely had taken her breath away and she let his remark go unanswered, more shaken than she cared to admit. It’s just physical attraction, she told herself as the powerful car ate up the miles effortlessly, that’s all. He’s stirred your senses, but so what? It doesn’t mean anything.
By the time they reached the grey streets of London, filled with black watery slush and tall austere buildings grimy and grim in the dim half-light, the light, crisp white world she had left behind seemed a million miles away. This is reality, she told herself silently as Alex drove towards her flat; come down to earth, girl, before he breaks you into a hundred little pieces.
‘You’re a wonderful advertisement for the beauties of Cumbria,’ Alex said drily as they drew up outside her block of flats which looked even grubbier than normal. ‘Could you just try and pretend that you’ve enjoyed yourself, if only to ease my guilt?’ There was a dark mockery in the words that hurt her but she forced her voice to be as light as his as she replied.
‘I’ve had a lovely time, thank you, Alex, and I’m sure the guilt is only a momentary lapse. There’s no need to come up,’ she added hastily as he reached for her suitcase on the back seat, ‘it’s not heavy.’
‘Don’t be silly,’ he said mildly as he helped her out of the car and followed her into the building after locking the car doors. ‘Isabella would never forgive me if you were accosted on the last lap.’ She smiled tightly. Damn Isabella, she thought suddenly, and you and the whole caboodle!
As she opened the door and switched on the light the little flat reached out to her welcomingly, and foolishly she had to bite back the tears before turning to Alex, her hand held out in farewell. ‘Goodbye, Alex, and thank you again.’
He raised an eyebrow at the outstretched hand but took it anyway, raising it to his mouth before turning it over and gently kissing the palm in a long lingering caress. She had the urge to snatch it away but controlled it masterfully, keeping a bland smile on her face as he raised his head and looked straight into her face. ‘I’ll phone you,’ he said huskily, his eyes bright in the artificial light.
She shrugged carefully. ‘If you get time,’ she said coolly as he let go of her hand that was burning where his lips had touched. ‘I know you’re a very busy man.’
He gave her one last long unsmiling look and then stepped backwards out of the door, closing it behind him as he went, and she was alone.
* * *
The next few days limped by in a confusion of disorientated thinking, sudden flashes of sharp knife-like pain and nights of crying. She made more mistakes at work
in seven days than she had in the whole of the seven years she had worked there, couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep and began to feel she was going slowly crazy...and still Alex didn’t call.
As she left work on the Friday night, ten days after Alex had brought her home and disappeared out of her life, she found she was dreading the weekend ahead.
All this has just brought back all the old memories about Robin, she told herself for the hundredth time as she made her way through the busy London streets crowded with dour-faced commuters; it’s no more than that. Give it a few more days and you’ll be back to your old self. He’s just unsettled you, that’s all. Was he seeing Susan again? He could be with her now, this second—how would she ever know? He had obviously decided not to contact her again, anyway—that much at least was clear.
As a solitary snowflake landed on her nose she glanced up into the heavy white sky angrily. And now it was going to snow again! Even the elements seemed intent on reminding her of him at every turn. Well, she’d had enough of this! She was going to stop feeling sorry for herself, she was going to get back to being the old Fabia who was in control of her life and her destiny, and no six-foot-four Adonis with dark hair and tawny eyes was going to stop her.
As she turned the corner and saw the big sedate Bentley parked outside the flats her stomach jumped into her mouth and she came to an abrupt stop, causing several people behind her to cannon into each other like a human train. She didn’t even hear the irate man behind her growling an insult about women pedestrians; all her energies were concentrated on the big tall figure uncurling himself from the car interior, his honey-flecked eyes tight on her face across the distance separating them. Calm, now, calm, she warned herself silently as she walked towards him on legs that were suddenly wobbly.
‘Fabia.’ Her name was a caress in itself as the low rich voice reached out to her and as he reached her side he bent and deposited a swift kiss on her wet hair. The sky was full of whirling flakes of snow now and already the ground was turning a virginal white. ‘How are you?’
‘I’m fine, thank you,’ she said quietly as she inwardly mocked herself for the inanity of her reply. I’m terrible, Alex, she told him silently, and I don’t know why. I’m falling apart, can’t you see?
‘I’ve been abroad,’ he said slowly. ‘America. Only got back today.’ He stared at her silently.
‘I see.’ She nodded quietly. Say something, Alex, she said silently. Tell me you’re pleased to see me, that you wanted to come, anything!
‘I’m here to ask you a favour, again,’ he said softly, and she noticed that there were tight lines of strain round his mouth and a weary hunch to his broad shoulders under the black coat. ‘It’s Isabella.’
For a brief piercingly painful moment she acknowl-edged that he hadn’t come to see her because he had wanted to but because he needed something from her, and then that realisation was pushed aside as anxiety for the old lady who had been so kind to her asserted itself. ‘What’s wrong?’ She stared at him wide-eyed. ‘She’s not—?’
‘She’s taken a turn for the worse.’ He brushed his hair back from his forehead and she noticed there was a grey tint of exhaustion to the handsome face. ‘John called me back from America because he was concerned about her and by the time I arrived she wasn’t too good.’ He flexed his shoulders tiredly. ‘I had a few minutes with her but she’s got it in her head that she wants to see you and nothing I said could dissuade her.’ You wanted to dissuade her, she asked him silently, you didn’t want to see me?
‘Would you mind coming with me again, Fabia?’ he asked softly. ‘I know it’s a lot to ask, feeling about me the way you do.’
