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He turned, gathering up Melanie’s scattered clothes along with his own. ‘We can do very little now except keep an eye on her. The rest is up to Tabitha. I’ll move the basket behind the sofa if that’s where she wants to be. Get dressed and go and make us a hot drink. This could take a while.’
‘It’s too soon,’ Melanie said again, her old fears and doubts resurfacing in a flood.
Forde reached out a hand and stroked her cheek for a moment. ‘Stop panicking. Tabitha will pick up on it. Animals are incredibly sensitive that way. Bring some warm milk and food in for her when you get our drinks, OK? Now get dressed, there’s a good girl.’
Once in the kitchen Melanie realised the icy sleet had turned into snow while she and Forde had been sleeping and already it was a couple of inches thick. The swirling flakes were fat and feathery and the sky was laden. If the storm continued in its present form she doubted if the vet would be able to get through to them if they needed her.
She stood for a moment, eyes wide and her top lip clamped in her teeth before telling herself to get on with what she had to do. Tabitha would be all right. Anything else wasn’t an option. And the kittens would be fine too. They had to be.
Tabitha drank the milk they slid in to her in her hiding place but wouldn’t touch the food, and as the yowls increased in volume Melanie had to force herself to sit still and not pace the room. Forde went out to fetch more logs and coal at one point and when he returned, Melanie said simply, ‘I know,’ in answer to the look on his face regarding the weather.
Forde had resorted to lying on the floor and peering under the sofa by the time the first kitten was born some three hours later. Tabitha had ignored the basket at the side of her but she dealt expertly with the tiny thing, biting off the birth sac and beginning to lick it all over with her abrasive tongue. When Forde saw it squirm he experienced a profound relief, more for Melanie than the cat.
Another kitten was born fairly quickly, and as they watched Tabitha begin the same procedure with this one as she had with the first Melanie whispered, ‘Look at that, Forde. She’s going to be a brilliant mother. And the kittens are alive and well.’
He looked at her where she lay at the side of him on the carpet. He’d been about to warn her that it was early days yet, that a hundred and one things could go wrong. There were more kittens to be born and they might not be as lucky as the first two, and Tabitha herself might be too exhausted to survive much more of this. But then he looked into her deep brown eyes and something in them checked his words. Instead he put his hand on hers.
There followed a wait that seemed endless to Melanie and Forde. They hardly dared move from their vigil but then a third kitten made its appearance and once again Tabitha went into action. This time, though, once the kitten was cleaned up to its mother’s satisfaction, Tabitha picked up the tiny creature and jumped into the laundry basket where she deposited the squirming little scrap before fetching the other two, one by one, to the place she deemed as safe. She then made short work of the food and fresh milk Forde had slid under the sofa next to the basket and joined her kittens after using the litter tray.
‘Do you think that’s it? There were just the three?’ Melanie found she had a crick in her neck and was utterly exhausted. She was also more elated than words could have described.
‘Looks like it.’ Forde was trying not to reveal how relieved he was that things had gone so well. Tabitha seemed to have taken the whole process in her stride despite her poor state of health and the kittens had wriggled to their mother’s teats like homing pigeons. He also blessed the fact that Mother Nature had seen fit to give the little cat just three kittens to cope with. They stood a far better chance than if it had been a large litter. They hadn’t been able to see clearly what the kittens looked like, their view had been restricted, but the fact that the little animals were sleek and damp from their mother’s ministrations meant they really didn’t look like cats at all.
‘What do we do now?’ Melanie sat up and stretched her aching neck. ‘I don’t like the thought of leaving her alone.’
‘Looks like Tabitha’s ready for a well-earned rest.’ Forde stood up and pulled her to her feet. ‘You get off to bed and I’ll sleep with one eye open down here.’
Melanie looked at her husband. This had to come from her. She knew that. ‘Or you could carry the basket upstairs and put it near the radiator in the bedroom so we could be on hand if she needs us? We could take some milk and food up with us and put it near the basket in case she’s hungry in the night.’
Forde looked at her, a look with a deep searching question colouring it.
‘I—I don’t want to sleep alone for one more night,’ she whis
pered. ‘I was wrong about so many things, Forde. I knew that deep down, I guess, but seeing Miriam allowed everything to be brought into the light of day, all the doubts and fears. I—I want us to be together, not just for Christmas but for the rest of our lives and—’
She didn’t get any further before she was lifted right off her feet and into his arms. He kissed her as if there were no tomorrow and she kissed him back in the same way, clinging to him so tightly he could hardly breathe.
Setting her down after a long minute, he drew her over to the sofa and then sat her on his lap. ‘Are you sure?’ he said softly. ‘That all the doubts and fears are gone, I mean?’
He deserved the truth. She touched his face with the side of her palm. ‘I want to be,’ she said honestly. ‘And I know myself so much better now, but I guess to some extent I’m still a work in progress. I was so scared tonight, with Tabitha.’
‘Nell, so was I. That’s natural.’ He kissed her hard on her lips. ‘It goes hand in hand with love, the worry and the fear that you’ll lose the beloved. It’s the other side of the coin, I suppose. But the best side makes it worth coping with the flip side—know what I mean?’ He kissed her again. ‘And most of the time the best side is uppermost. You had a rough start to life and you developed a defence mechanism to keep people at arm’s length so you couldn’t be hurt and you couldn’t hurt them. I understand that. And then I came along and everything changed. If things had been different with Matthew you would still have had to face the fact, sooner or later, that you needed to unearth some of the issues you’d buried way deep inside. But it would have happened slowly, more naturally.’
‘But the miscarriage did happen. Matthew died.’ It still hurt as much as ever to stay it and she wondered if that would ever change. But the nature of the grief had changed subtly over the last weeks. It was still as intense but more bearable because the crucifying guilt had gone. She could mourn her perfect, exquisite little boy without feeling she had to punish herself every second of every day.
‘Yes, he died.’ There was a wealth of emotion in Forde’s voice. ‘And there will always be regrets, especially because with an accident of that nature there are so many ifs and buts in hindsight. You aren’t the only one who blamed yourself. I knew you weren’t too good that day. I could have stayed home with you. What does work matter compared to you and our son? And Janet had her own self-reproaches too. She wished she’d stayed with you while you ate and then brought the tray down, but none of us knew.’
Melanie nodded. How many times had she longed to turn back the clock until the morning of the accident so she could have done things differently? Too many to count. She had relived every minute of that fateful morning until she’d thought she was losing her mind. It had to stop. Once and for all, it had to stop. She had to be strong for this baby and for Forde, and for Matthew too. He had a right to be remembered with passionate love and devotion, and, yes, with a certain amount of pain too, but the memory of her precious baby son had been in danger of being marred and destroyed by her corrosive guilt.
‘He was so beautiful,’ she whispered through her tears.
‘And so tiny.’ Forde’s voice was husky. ‘He weighed nothing at all in my arms.’
She rested her forehead against his as their tears mingled, but for the first time since Matthew had died they were healing tears. After a long time when they just held each other close, she said softly, ‘I love you. I have always loved you and I always will. I want you to know that. You are the other part of me, the better part.’
‘Never that.’ He kissed her fiercely. ‘You are perfect in every way to me, never forget that. And I will never hurt you, Nell. I might get it wrong at times, I might even drive you crazy now and again but I will never hurt you. We will have our children—’ he rested his hand on her stomach for a moment ‘—and grandchildren too, God willing, and grow old together. How does that sound?’
‘Pretty good.’ She smiled dreamily at him but then her stomach spoilt the moment by rumbling so loudly that Forde chuckled. ‘I can’t help it,’ she protested. ‘I haven’t eaten for hours and I’m hungry again.’
