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king, easy, available, she berated herself bitterly. What else was there for him to think?
'I've missed you.' There was that note of surprise in his voice again, but she was too distressed to hear it. 'And thought about you a lot.'
'Have you?' She took a deep breath. 'Reece, there's something I have to explain to you—'
'This hair—this wonderfully alive hair…' He brushed his open fingers along the side of her cheeks and fanned her hair out into a red cloud. 'I've never seen anything like it in my life. You're beautiful, Miriam.' As he bent to take her lips she retained enough sense to lower her head quickly, moving out of his arms in one swift movement as she nerved herself for what she had to say.
She had to make him understand that she couldn't have a casual affair, become his plaything for a few weeks or perhaps months, until he tired of her.
She brushed her hair back behind her ears and turned to face him, wishing desperately that she had worn something other than an old T-shirt and somewhat worn trousers. But she hadn't known that he was coming home tonight, no one had said, and, anyway, maybe it was better that he saw her like this. He'd already said that she looked terrible, after all.
'Reece, that other night.' She looked full into his face for the first time, and the knowledge of his power over her hit her afresh as she watched the beautiful silver-grey eyes narrow with sudden watchfulness.
'Yes?' He made no attempt to touch her now, moving back a pace and crossing his arms as he looked down at her from a face that could have been carved in stone.
'I wouldn't like you to get the wrong impression,' she murmured weakly. 'I don't—' She stopped abruptly and then forced herself to continue. 'I don't sleep around, however it might have seemed—'
'It seemed as though we shared a few kisses,' Reece said softly. 'How did it seem to you?'
'You know what I mean.' How could she want to run and fling herself into his arms, she asked herself incredulously, after all that he had said that night? But she did. Achingly so. The traitorous weakness made her voice even stronger when next she spoke. 'And it was more than just a few kisses anyway. You were very explicit about how you view woman, Reece—I had no excuse—but I'm not into casual affairs.' Unlike Sharon, she added silently.
'You want me, Miriam,' he said expressionlessly. 'You might not want to hear that but we both know it's the truth. Maybe you don't even like me, but your body knows exactly what it wants. And I know you aren't into affairs, casual or otherwise, but surely you don't intend to remain chaste for the rest of your life?'
'What I do or don't intend is nothing to do with you, Reece.' She had to be strong now, she told herself as a fierce pain at his apparently unemotional stating of the facts pierced her through. 'You were frank with me and now I'm being frank with you. I don't like the way you live, the way those women live. I couldn't be like that, and what's more I don't want to be. I find it… unacceptable and distasteful.'
'I wouldn't have thought you were the sort of person to sit in judgement of others so harshly,' he said coolly, still in that remote, cold voice that had no warmth or emotion in its depths.
'Neither would I,' she answered honestly, 'so it looks like I've surprised both of us.' Can't you see how much I love you? she asked him silently as she made her face as blank as his. Can't you see why the thought of you in another woman's arms makes me feel sick to my bones? How can you want Sharon and me at the same time?
'You know I'm attracted to you?' he asked flatly.
'Physically? Yes.' She nodded. 'As you've just said so succinctly we seem to strike some sort of spark off each other, but I'm sure that isn't a first with you.' She eyed him calmly as her heart pounded so hard that she was sure he could hear it. 'You think there's nothing wrong in wanting someone and fulfilling that need—'
'Hang on a minute,' he said roughly as his eyes darkened ominously. 'I don't know what that imagination of yours has been brewing but I don't go in for casual sex, if that's what you're insinuating. I won't deny I've been involved with a few women in my time, but at thirty-five you'd hardly expect to find me having lived the life of a monk, would you? I'm a normal man, Miriam, and a life of chastity is only for the very noble or those minus the baser urges, and I make no apology for fitting into neither category. That doesn't mean I've been running around like some sort of deranged debauchee since puberty. Each relationship I've had has meant something and lasted some time—'
'But you've never loved them,' she said tightly as a mixture of painful jealousy and sudden anger at his remoteness had her fighting to stay calm.
'No.' He was quite still, watching her. 'Would it have been better if I'd pretended I had? If I'd lied to you?'
'And you wouldn't love me,' she continued, as though he hadn't spoken. 'You've made that perfectly clear.'
'Does that matter?' he asked softly. 'You've also made it perfectly clear that I'm not exactly your ideal man. Couldn't we just take it a day at a time and see how we get to know each other?'
'In bed,' she said flatly. Not her ideal man? This had to be the ultimate irony.
'Not necessarily.' He smiled slowly. 'I can think of other places if you'd prefer.'
'I don't.' She didn't respond to his attempt to lighten the situation by so much as the flicker of an eyelash. 'You just don't see, do you, Reece? You're trying to seduce me at the same time as warning me that I'll never mean anything to you. You might call that being honest but I call it being cowardly.'
His face straightened now, his skin flushing a deep dark red as his eyes glittered hotly.
'You'll probably laugh your head off at this, but when I give myself to a man I want to at least be able to hope it will last for ever, be able to see myself with him for more than a few weeks or months. And I make no apology for that!' She took a deep breath and lowered her voice, which had begun to rise. 'I want my partner to think I'm the most precious thing on this earth, that there is no one like me,' she continued more quietly. 'I want a home and children and—'
'Slippers by the fire?' he asked with cutting coldness.
'Exactly.' She faced him without flinching at the mockery. 'Just that. I don't want to have to wonder who the nest lady in his life will be, to watch each new face that comes on his horizon and wonder if this will be the one who replaces me.'
'Dammit, it wouldn't be like that,' he ground out through clenched teeth, his eyes furious. 'You're making it sound as though all the odds are loaded on my side—'
