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They had eaten a supper of champagne and caviar snuggled together and wrapped in an enormous fleecy throw Miriam recognised as coming from the apartment, the glow from the fire and the lights from the Christmas tree throwing mellow flickering shadows over the dark room.
Later Jay had carried her up the winding staircase to their bedroom stark naked, the two of them laughing and caressing and teasing like a pair of teenagers.
The bedroom suite was gorgeous, decorated in pale greens and lilac with a large en suite and the most enormous bed, and Miriam was enchanted to see a real fire burning in the ornate fireplace. Once nestled in the soft covers, Jay had spent all night showing her how much he had missed her, their lovemaking enhanced by the truths they had whispered to each other downstairs. For the first time she was allowing herself to believe the fairy tale could come true and it was intoxicating, washing away the last of her inhibitions and giving her the courage to meet him kiss for kiss, caress for caress with an abandon she hadn’t displayed before. They had drifted off to sleep only as it grew light, large, fat flakes of snow falling outside the window.
A white Christmas. It had been her last conscious thought before she had slept and now she hugged it to her, unable to believe she was really here, with Jay, in this beautiful house for the holidays. And her mother and Clara conspiring together! She smiled to herself. It really was the season of miracles.
Jay moved slightly in his sleep, his hand on her breast tightening for a moment before relaxing again. She wanted to see his face and she tried to slowly turn but their bodies were entwined in such a way she was locked beneath him.
He shifted again and she took the opportunity to manoeuvre herself round as his leg lifted slightly before once again settling over hers. She stared at him, drinking her fill of his sleeping face, relaxed and calm and so boyish. Once he was awake a slight cynicism and hardness that the years had brought firmed his mouth and made the faint lines radiating from his eyes more pronounced, but like this he was all hers.
She caught at the thought, mentally shaking her head at herself. He was all hers, awake or asleep. She had to trust in this forever love. Too many nights in the past when they had been first married she had lain like this watching him sleep, tormenting herself with imagining how many other women had done the same. Beautiful, glamorous, exciting women. Women who still remained out there, a constant threat. But Jay didn’t want anyone else, she knew that now. She didn’t know why he loved her the way he did because she was remarkably unexceptional, but he did, and that was all that mattered.
She shut her eyes tightly, saying a little prayer of thankfulness that he hadn’t given up on her, that he had loved her enough to weather the storm and steer their boat into calm waters. When she opened them again he was staring straight at her, his beautiful tawny eyes smiling.
‘Good morning, Mrs Carter.’ He nuzzled her ear before kissing her neck. ‘You smell delicious, better than any breakfast.’
‘So do you.’ With his black hair tousled over his forehead and the sexiest stubble darkening his chin, he looked even better.
‘I had the most incredible dreams.’ His voice was still husky with sleep. ‘I dreamt we made love till dawn.’
She smiled. Pressed close to him, she could feel his hard arousal. ‘But then you woke up,’ she teased softly.
‘That I did.’ He rolled over, supporting himself by his elbows as he lay across her, the tip of his masculinity touching her most intimate place. He began to shift a few inches back and forth as he ruffled the tight curls at the V of her thighs, causing every muscle in her body to tighten.
He pushed slightly, entering her just the tiniest bit, and she gasped, exquisite ripples of sensation causing her abdomen to contract.
‘Every morning is going to start like this.’ He kissed her open mouth, his body continuing to play with hers. He wasn’t rushing her, the slow sensuality building as he used his skill to heighten her responses. Only when she was at fever-pitch did he possess her completely, her internal muscles contracting so violently that they provided his release too.
It was a while before their bodies finally became still, and even then Miriam continued to tremble in the aftermath of passion. Jay cradled her to him, kissing her nose, her eyes, her forehead with tiny, burning kisses before finally taking her mouth.
Their joining had been intense and almost painfully poignant. A year today she had woken up wanting to die, to just go to sleep and never wake up, believing she had lost him.
‘There has never been anyone but you and there never will be.’ He had read her mind with that remarkable way he had. ‘Do you believe that, Miriam? Are you there yet?’
She was learning not to be surprised at his intuition. ‘I think so,’ she whispered shakily. ‘I want to believe it.’
‘You will.’ His voice rang with assurance. ‘You’re mine in the same way I’m yours. It’s actually very simple.’
She nodded, her head against his chest, a wave of emotion threatening to consume her. He was so strong, so sure. If she couldn’t trust her own feelings of fear and vulnerability, perhaps she could trust Jay? It was a new slant on things and one that made sense. She clung to him, needing his strength and love. For the first time she realised she could let go and be herself, that he wouldn’t condemn her for her fears but would shoulder them with her.
Tremblingly, she murmured, ‘I do trust you, Jay. I’m beginning to realise it’s Miriam Carter I’m not sure about. The more I try to analyse the past the more I realise what a mess I’ve made of things.’
‘Not really.’ He took her face in his hands. ‘When I talked with your mother she was the first to admit she’d made a big mistake in not discussing your father leaving with you. It left a void in which all kinds of misunderstanding could grow. She did it absolutely for the best at the time but she told me you both struggled in the early days when money was very tight and you had no real home. Your father sent no maintenance and did nothing to help her, but it wasn’t that she minded so much. It was his ability to cut his own flesh and blood out of his life. If that hurt her it must have hurt you too.’
Miriam nodded. She had always felt it was a weakness and almost a betrayal of her mother to mind that her father was gone, to miss him, but the child she had been then had minded. And to cover up the hurt and sense of rejection she had told herself she hated and despised him. She’d told herself that so often it had become true. ‘I used to wonder what was wrong with me that my own father didn’t want me,’ she admitted slowly. ‘I think I even thought that if they hadn’t had me then he would have stayed with my mother and they’d have been happy, like they must have been before I was born.’
He kissed away her tears, hugging her to him. ‘But you don’t think like that any more?’
She shook her head. ‘Not after talking with my mother.’
‘And you accept he was flawed? That he couldn’t really love anyone but himself? There are men and women like that out there, sweetheart, and it was just unfortunate your mother got involved with one when she was so young and naive.’
‘I know.’
‘But our children will know what it is to have two parents who love each other and them,’ he said tenderly, ‘and that’s what you focus on in the future. Our home will be a place with no secrets, no skeletons in cupboards. We’ll give them a foundation of truth and trust to build their lives on.’
Her arms tightened around him. ‘I love you,’ she whispered, her voice husky with love.
