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“Don’t you mean hurt you? Last week, you said no one was looking at me. You put me in front of him. I didn’t even want to do it,” I said. “And now you say I need to think.” I popped up angry and started taking off my clothes.
“I asked you to pose for some pictures and accept a check, not listen to his music like you’re some teenager and parade him through downtown,” Evan shouted.
“I wasn’t parading.”
“I don’t want you to see him again,” he directed. “You had no relationship before and there’s no reason to have one now.”
“Don’t you think that’s a little paranoid?” I asked. “He just wanted me to hear a song.”
“I’m not going to say it again. I forbid you.” These words rolled from Evan’s mouth so easily, it seemed he’d spoken to me in this way all our lives.
“Forbid?”
“I’m not discussing it.” He sliced the air with his hand at each word, sealing his point. “And May has to go home in the morning.”
“May?”
“Whatever happened between her and Jr needs to stay in their house. That’s your brother’s wife. Don’t turn his fight with her into your fight with him.”
“Evan, he’s cheating and he might have a—”
“I don’t even want to know what’s happening in that man’s house,” he said sternly. “I know what’s happening in my house. And I know I don’t want someone else’s drama coming in here.”
I was still putting on my nightgown when Evan turned the lights out and got into bed. I didn’t say anything. I didn’t have the energy to fight for May or even for myself.
The moon and I were sleeping with our backs to one another. I couldn’t find it outside the windows of the French doors as I lay in bed that night, so I turned and closed my eyes to pretend that nothing had changed. As I tried to rationalize my behavior, I realized that most of what Evan said was right. I should’ve called my husband. I shouldn’t have gotten into that truck. I hated that Evan had the nerve to think he could forbid me to do anything, let alone seeing Dame. He sounded like my father. Like my brother. But then, with the word “forbid” echoing in my mind, I realized I was doing just the opposite. Because I was thinking of Dame. In a secret place inside my mind, one that I was even ashamed to visit, I wondered where he’d gone when he left. What he thought of the time we’d spent together. And if I’d ever see him again.
Chapter Thirteen
“Journey, I’m asking you nicely. Just stay out of it,” Jr said. We were standing in the holding area behind the stage after my father’s sermon. Jr hardly looked at me throughout the service, keeping his eyes glued on the pulpit and his hand rested on top of his Bible, which he conveniently placed in May’s empty seat. She’d gone to stay with her mother in Northport after she left my house and asked me to bring some of her things from her house.
“How can I stay out of it? She’s like a sister to me,” I said to him angrily. Jr still hadn’t even admitted that he’d done anything wrong. He was busy blaming May. I wasn’t even sure he’d told our parents why she wasn’t in church. It was like he’d expected her to just come back and everything was going to be okay. “How could you do this to her? And is that really your child?”
Jr furiously grabbed my arm and pulled me into a corner, out of the way of a few people who were walking by.
“That’s none of your business.” He gritted his teeth.
“None of my business? It’s a human life. You can’t just pretend he doesn’t exist. If he’s your son, he’s my nephew—Mama and Daddy’s grandson,” I said.
“You don’t know what it’s like to be a man, Journey. And to be married to a woman who can’t have your child,” he said, pointing at me. “I wanted a son.”
“You could’ve adopted. You could’ve kept trying. There are dozens of things you could’ve done, Jr. And none include having an affair and letting some ... some woman lay up in your parents’ house.”
“That’s my house, fair and square, and Dad is in no position to give me any pointers about dealing with my wife.”
“What is that supposed to mean?” I asked.
“Oh, please stop the innocent ears routine you play. Just listen to what’s going on at the top of this church and you’ll see where your father’s loyalty lies.”
“You mean Jack?” I asked. He looked so angry that it appeared he would spit at any moment. “Look, I’m not going to let you spin this around so you can focus on yourself and whatever little pissing contest you have with Jack. You need to be thinking about your wife for once.”
“May ain’t gave a damn about how I felt in years. Her head’s so stuffed in that Bible, she can’t even make love to me.”
We both smiled nervously and nodded at two deacons who walked by.
“Maybe you need to be reading your Bible, too,” I whispered before walking off.
Evan was just as harsh as Jr when I told him I needed to go see May after church. As we rode home, he kept repeating how he knew what Jr had done wasn’t good, but that he and May were adults and perfectly capable of handling their own business. We were happy and there was no sense messing up our thing with their drama.
