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“Exc
use me?” I asked turning to him.
“I’m not the only one who didn’t go to med school in this house,” he said.
“I changed because I didn’t go back to school?” This was news to me. Jamison never once brought up anything about me going to school. I’d been there when he started his business, and after I didn’t get into any schools the second time around I decided to help him with the business. Once it got off the ground and it was clear he didn’t need me, we bought the house and I put all of my energy into the house, into making sure my husband had a lovely home to come back to.
“When we met, all you could do was talk about when you went to med school and how you were going to save the world,” he said. “That was never my dream. That was yours. I loved science and it paid for me to got to college, so being a doctor was a great option for me. It was what made me sound legit when I was trying to pledge and make friends on campus and date you, but that was never my dream.”
I had thought of going to back to school a few times, but my feelings had been so hurt after the second round of rejections that I gave up on it. Jamison knew that.
“Why did you give up on it, Kerry? Just because some people told you no? You know how many people told me no when I started my company? My own wife told me no. My own mother. But I kept fighting for my dream,” he said. His words hurt me. It was like I was being rejected all over again. “You ever think that maybe the reason you kept trying to tear down my dream was because you didn’t have your own anymore?” he said harshly.
“I can’t do this,” I said, turning from him. “I just can’t talk about this anymore,” I blurted out and ran up the steps to my bedroom. I just wanted to be alone.
INSTANT MESSENGER TRANSCRIPT
DATE: 6/01/07
TIME: 11:27 am
Coreenissocute: There?
Dablackannanicole: Yeah, I’m still here. I just had to put something in the fax machine. You OK?
Coreenissocute: Hell no. This shit is crazy!!!!!!
Dablackannanicole: I’m sorry to hear that. I know it has to hurt. We’ve all been down that road before. You know I’m here for you.
Coreenissocute: I just don’t understand how he could do something like this. Just lie to me.
Dablackannanicole: Lie?
Coreenissocute: He said he wasn’t sleeping with her . . . so how did she get pregnant?
Dablackannanicole: You know these dudes lie. I mean, the ass is in the house with him every night. He’s gonna take it.
Coreenissocute: I know that, but still that doesn’t make it any easier. I really loved him.
Dablackannanicole: I know you did.
Coreenissocute: I just feel like a damn fool. Like did I really think he was going to leave her for someone like me?
Dablackannanicole: Girl, who and what that girl is doesn’t have anything to do with you. What he saw in you was different. And just because he decided to be with her doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you. Shit, he probably doesn’t even love her. He’s just there out of obligation like he said in the e-mail.
Coreenissocute: You think so?
Dablackannanicole: Hell yes! And, come on, DO YOU REALLY THINK he’s never going to call you again? We’re both old enough to know he will. He’s just trying to play the good husband right now because he realized that he’s about to be a father. But that will wear off and he’ll come running right back around to you.
Coreenissocute: LIKE THEY ALL DO.
Dablackannanicole: Shit, she probably only got pregnant to keep him anyway. Don’t you think she knows he’s cheating and that he doesn’t want to be with her anymore? Please, that whole having-a-baby-to-keep-your-man thing is sooooo played.
Coreenissocute: I know, but that doesn’t change the fact that she has my man and now I have nothing. I’m just so tired of being alone. I’m 33 and I have nothing to show for it.
Dablackannanicole: Yes you do.
Coreenissocute: I have no husband. No children. I want that. I want my big house, my nice car, my maid, and my man that is busting his ass to give it to me.
