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“Well, what?” I looked at him, sure he was joking. This was Preston Alcott—a changed man. He was here to celebrate my internship, talk about Africa and Chan, and that woman he couldn’t save. This was no date. We weren’t seeing any other parts of the hotel.
“I mean, she’s not wholly wrong for that,” he said with his eyes turning from friendly to dreamy. He was looking at me . . . into me . . . through my shirt . . . and he wasn’t doing a medical examination with his eyes. The man was flirting. “I don’t mean to be forward, but when I saw you today, I just knew how good you were—that I’d missed out. I don’t want to miss out again.” He reached across the table and tried to grab my hand, but I retreated quickly.
“Preston,” I said. “I’m a married woman.” I looked around the room to be sure no one had seen him. I felt silly and ridiculous for being there. Marcy was right.
“Kerry, don’t be shy. I can tell something is going on between us. And that things at home aren’t okay. You didn’t exactly seem happy to say Jamison’s name.”
“That’s none of your business,” I said, getting up.
“There’s no need to leave,” he said. “I’m just saying, if he’s not doing his job correctly, I volunteer myself.”
“My marriage is fine,” I said getting up. “And you’re still a jerk.”
E-MAIL TRANSMISSION
TO: [email protected]
FROM: [email protected]
DATE: 12/16/07
TIME: 10:27 PM
Apparently, Dottie came by my aunt’s house this evening without calling or letting anyone know. I don’t have a problem with your mother seeing Tyrian. I have made constant arrangements for everyone to be able to see him, but at this point I want nothing to do with her and it is best that you arrange for her to see your son. As I told you the other day, what she did was unacceptable and YOU need to speak to her about it. As far as I’m concerned, a huge part of our problem is outside people placing stress on our relationship. And I admit that my mother is no saint, but your mother has been running wild, constantly putting me down and not RESPECTING our relationship since day one and you have done NOTHING to stop it. The only way she could’ve thought hooking you up with Coreen was a good idea and that you wouldn’t do anything about it was that you never ever stand up to her about anything she says. That entire situation was crazy. She created unrest in your household and compromised your marriage, even though you were having a child. Who does that? I wanted nothing more than to curse your mother out, but, you know what, that’s not my job. It’s yours.
E-MAIL TRANSMISSION
TO: [email protected]
FROM: [email protected]
DATE: 12/16/07
TIME: 10:33 PM
I need you to know that I lied earlier in my e-mail. I am hurting, Jamison, and I do miss you. But I can’t be anyone’s fool and I have to love myself right now. A lot of what you said last month about my not focusing on my career and supporting you was true. And I started doi
ng things to change that. I feel like I am being reborn and finally in love with something I can do. Something huge happened to me today and to be very honest, I did want you to be there. I DIDN’T WANT ANYONE ELSE THERE. But I also know that I can’t always have what I want and I can’t continue to build myself and my marriage if every time I lay down one brick, your mother is there to tear it down and no one does anything. I have been trying to do my part. You asked me to come home last time. And I did. Look what happened. And I even began to distance myself from my mother. Not because I don’t love her, not because I don’t want to communicate with her, but because, right now, I need someone by my side who is ONLY going to nurture me and what I am trying to do. My mother is who and what she is. She’s been that way for a long time and I know I can’t change her. But what I can change is the way I once allowed her to control my life and how much access she has to it. Can you say the same about your mother? If not, what are you willing to do to change it in order to save your marriage?
E-MAIL TRANSMISSION
TO: [email protected]
FROM: [email protected]
DATE: 12/16/07
TIME: 10:43 PM
First, I think it would be best if we spoke in person about this because I don’t want anything that I am saying to be taken out of context. But I know that’s not going to happen right now, so I will respond.
I am very happy that you have found new interests and I really want to know everything that’s going on with that. I have always known that you can achieve anything you put your mind to. You are a hard worker and a strong woman. My opinion, as you already stated in some ways, was that the only thing holding you back was your mother. Now, I know it’s not cool to talk about someone’s parent—especially a mother, but for years I have had to sit back and watch that woman constantly put you down and let you down. The crazy thing to me was always that sometimes the things she did actually worked to get you going, but most times it just left you with hurt feelings that I felt a need to try to repair in some way. That’s the real reason I didn’t go to med school. I didn’t want her to continue to control you and the thought of leaving you alone in Georgia with her there tearing you down made me feel like I needed to take charge. RIGHT now I am very aware of the damage my mother has done in our relationship, but you need to know that your mother has also had an effect on our marriage. Her judgments and how they affect you have caused me to often feel out of place in my own home. So many times I felt like you were perfectly fine with how things were going, but as soon as your mother showed up, you’d change your mind and leave me out there looking like a fool. Sometimes I think the only reason you left your job to come work at Rake It Up was because your mother wanted you to come and make sure the business didn’t fold and ruin her name. It was like all of your hard work wasn’t because you believed in what I was doing, but because you didn’t want to be embarrassed if it didn’t work. I am not blaming you for this. I know the way she influences you. But when we got married, I always thought it would stop.
I also know that I have had a problem standing up to my mother. After my dad died we were all each other had and I have always tried my best to make her happy. The two times I did anything that she disagreed with in my entire life were not going to med school and marrying you. You have always known that she blamed you for my not going to med school, but the truth is that I’m glad I didn’t go. You were the reason then, but really, I think that inside, I knew I had a higher calling in my life and it was in Georgia with you. The funny thing is that while those two things caused my mother so much pain, they were the only two things in my life that I was completely sure I wanted to do. And I knew then and I know now that no matter how she feels about it, I am happy I did them. She won’t have a son she can call “doctor,” but I have a great business that I love and a beautiful wife that I adore. Being with you is what I want and she is going to have to accept that. I really didn’t believe that she did what she did, but she admitted it after you left the house on Thanksgiving and we’ve since spoken about it on several occasions. For some reason she thought that she could replace you with a woman who was more like her and I’d be happier. But, as I told her, I didn’t want a woman like her because I didn’t want to marry my mother. I married you. I told her she’d have to accept that but I think the damage she did really didn’t hit her until she saw the impact it had on my life. After you left this time, I’ve been even more depressed and I’ve even lost some accounts. She’s come by to clean and cook for me, but I can’t eat anything and when I do, I feel sick to my stomach. My house isn’t right without you and Tyrian there and she is seeing that now. I realize that I have to stop going to my mother for advice and letting her know every little thing that’s going on in our relationship. I can’t promise that she will change, but I do know that she has learned her lesson and we are finally speaking about it.
I hope we can speak more about this in person soon.
Jamison
