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“I’m just saying, it seems like this city tried to tear the 3Ts apart—one by one—but we’re still standing.”
“Exactly,” I said. “As soon as Ms. Thang here gets better, we’ll be back on track.” I looked at Tamia.
“You know, Troy, it seems like you’re the only one Los Angeles didn’t get to,” Tamia said, laughing. “I almost died, Tasha went wandering the streets like a crazy woman, but nothing happened to you.”
“You have no clue,” I said sadly.
“What?” they said together. “What happened?”
“Kyle was here, Julian was here…It was a mess. And then they both left.”
“Really? How did all of that happen in one day?” Tamia squealed, easing up in the bed.
“I wish I knew,” I replied.
“Oh Lord,” Tasha said, pulling a chair over to the bed. “I can tell this is going to be a long story.”
It’s a New Day
Fall is the calmest season in the city that never sleeps. Everything in New York, from the air around you to the leaves fighting to stay above you seems to slow down. Things willfully adjust from the unpredictable heat of the summer to the peaceful, reflective times of the fall. And while it appears that everything has died by winter, when spring arrives you realize that they were just moving from one stage of life to the next. During the fall they were transforming into something stronger that could last through the winter and preparing to be reborn in the new year.
Looking at the trees along Fifth Avenue, as I headed to the fall pageant at Kids in Motion, I thought about how my life was changing like the city in fall. It had been three months since my now-famous trip to Los Angeles, and I’d learned so much about myself and everyone around me.
After Kyle left, I felt so bad about how I’d treated him that I began to really look at myself in a whole new way. I reflected on everything I had been through, both in my relationship and with my family and friends. I thought long and hard about the things and people I placed so much stock in.
What I came to see was that while much of what Kyle had said about me at the hotel was out of anger, he was right about one thing—I wasn’t really, really listening to the needs of everyone around me. And Kyle wasn’t the only person who was suffering because of it. From my mother to Tasha, the people closest to me were trying to reach out to me for love and help. And I was so busy with my own life and what I wanted to focus on that I wasn’t able to see what they wanted—what they needed from me.
I started with my family. It was hard, but after much coaxing, I was finally able to get my mother and Grandma Lucy to attend therapy with me. While they continued to say they didn’t see how it would help up until we were actually in our first session, it seemed that the act of sitting and talking in a controlled environment was exactly what they needed all along. “I’ve been hurting for a long time. I don’t know if I’ll ever get over some of the things my own mother put me through as a child…don’t know if I’ll ever be able to discuss them openly with anyone,” Grandma Lucy said one day in a session. This revelation had a strong affect on my mother. For the first time she was really able to see my grandmother as a true victim—someone as hurt by the situation as she had been. She’d made excuses for Lucy in the past, but she admitted that it was out of pity, her trying to reason with what was going on. She’d never really wanted to understand Grandma Lucy. “I’ll never forgive you for lying to my father,” my mother admitted one day with tears in her eyes. Grandma Lucy’s eyes grew sad as she fell back in her seat and recalled aloud for the first time how and why she did what she’d done. Apparently, it was just another fear that kept her from truly revealing to the world how she felt about my mother’s real father. She’d loved both men—my white grandfather probably more because of his color—but never saw my mother’s real father as a plausible option for marriage because he wasn’t white. She shook her head and looked down at the veins lacing the insides of her palms. “I’d been taught it was all about this,” she said, turning her veins to us. “All I heard throughout my life was that only a white man could give me what I needed. The lighter I got my family, the better off we would be. I hated the idea of it, but it was all I knew so I had to believe it. I loved Oscar, but it just couldn’t be.” Neither my mother nor I cried with Lucy that day. Instead, for the first time, we sat on either side of her and simply encircled her in an embrace. We were far from resolving the problems, but looking into Lucy’s eyes and seeing my mother grow stronger made it clear that we were on the right path.
Now, getting somewhere with Kyle was a different story. He refused all of my calls and said he never wanted to see me again. One day during a surprise visit to his church, I tried to speak to him, to tell him I was changing, but he said that while he was happy I’d found some good in the situation, he was still dealing with it and that he wasn’t ready to talk to me just yet.
I really couldn’t blame him for his feelings. He’d been through a lot because of me. I’d known exactly how Kyle felt about me the entire time we hung out. From the flowers at the restaurant to the rescue mission in Los Angeles, I had known how much Kyle liked me. But I was willing to ignore it as long as I got what I wanted.
I didn’t realize how much I really cared for Kyle until over a month after we’d stopped speaking. When I returned from Los Angeles, I began to put most of my time into my internship at the court and preparing the girls in my dance class for the pageant. One day after a long rehearsal at the settlement, I decided to treat the girls to ice cream. As all sixteen of us sat in the park licking our ice cream cones, laughing and enjoying the last bit of summer sun, I felt like a kid again. Shanika sat down on the grass next to me and smiled. “You should’ve invited your boyfriend,” she said, giggling. At first I wondered who she was talking about, then I remembered the day Kyle had surprised me by stopping by the center. I remembered the look on his face and how happy he’d made both Shanika and me. Then I wished Kyle was there, too. He’d probably tell the girls some long story his grandfather had told him when he was younger. I smiled back at Shanika and kissed her on the forehead. “You’re right. I should’ve invited him,” I said.
Tamia was standing in front of Kids in Motion when I pulled up. She’d recovered fully after she got out of the hospital. It was discovered that she had some swelling in her heart that was similar to her mother’s illness, but with treatment she was expected to live a long life. She’d stopped taking the pills and both she and her father were in counseling.
“Hey, dance teacher,” she said, peeking into the car as I tried to park.
“You’re early,” I replied, climbing out. I hugged Tamia and looked up to see the banner Mr. Bearden’s art class had designed for the pageant hanging on the side of the building. IT’S A NEW DAY, it read in brown letters painted like tree branches. “It sure is,” I thought, heading into the settlement beside Tamia.
“I just wanted to make sure I got here on time,” Tamia said. “I know how you can get when it comes to the kids.”
“Well, I’m just happy I have someone here to help me get these girls into their costumes.” I opened the door to the studio. “Nana Rue and Grandma Lucy designed them and they’re a diva mess.” I pulled one of the jumpsuits out of the closet to show Tamia. “Pink fur and black satin.” I grinned.
“These are adorable.” Tamia took the hanger. “They’ll love them.”
“I’m sure they will.”
“Well, what did you expect having Donatella Versace and Eartha Kitt on the costume committee?” Tamia laughed, talking about Nana Rue and Grandma Lucy. “You put them together and you know something…fur?
?and…satin is going to come out of it.”
“You’re crazy.”
“But I’m right.”
A few students came in and Tamia handed them their costumes.
