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And she left no room for further questions. “Yes, two of my sisters live in London. My mother, as well. They all complain I don’t visit them often enough.”
“If you have family, you should see them whenever you can,” she said, frowning. “You have but to ask, and I or one of the others can certainly take your place for a day to allow it.”
“I don’t wish to cause any difficulty—”
“It’s no trouble at all,” she said, stopping him. “Had I family here, I would visit them as often as possible. Even Hélène.”
“Do you write to each other?”
“I did when I first arrived, but after that I had no money to spare for it.”
“And now?”
“I wrote to her of my changed fortunes a year ago. Her reply was brief, and though she stated she was glad for me, she left no question as to her desire to be left in peace. There is no room in her life for me.”
“Not even in the form of correspondence?”
Looking down, she gave a weak laugh. “Hélène’s husband, a minor baron, has achieved some success at court, and she has no wish to jeopardize his position by consorting with an unpatriotic, unwed relation settled in a rival country. I’m a source of shame to her.”
For once, he was content with his sometimes overwhelming family. They might not always see eye to eye, but there was love among them, and whenever they needed one another there was no question of support. “She sounds very selfish.”
“I don’t blame Hélène,” she replied with a little shrug. “She married well during a time of feast and never experienced the famine. As such, she cannot comprehend what it means to suffer privation. In truth, I’m glad for her ignorance. I would not wish anyone I love to have walked my path.”
Unbidden, his gaze dropped to her hands. When he looked up, he saw fear awakening in her eyes. Might as well speak openly now. “Does that path have anything to do with the marks on your wrists?” he asked softly. When she didn’t answer, he reached out and gently grasped her hand, turning it palm up. The lace on her cuff fell back as he did so, revealing a slim wrist encircled by a band of shiny, pale scar tissue. “You need not be afraid to tell me.”
The words seemed to break the spell that had befallen her. Quick as lightning, she snatched back her hand and twitched the lace over the old wound. “How long have you known?”
“Since the day we spoke to MacCallum.”
Her throat worked for a moment before she fi
nally spoke. “I see. Of course it’s only natural you would be curious,” she murmured as if to herself. “As I said, when I first arrived in England, I thought to find opportunity. Instead, my naiveté was met with such cruelty as I had never imagined possible. I was deceived by a handsome face and the promise of devotion, but the man I married played me false.”
“You were married?”
She nodded, though her eyes remained downcast.
“And he gave you those scars?”
“Yes,” she said, the word forced out from between clenched teeth. Her whole body shook as she took a shuddering breath. “We were not together very long before he died, thankfully. Only a few months. When the nightmare was over, I swore to never again answer to his surname. Trouvère is my maiden name.”
Rage pounded through Will’s veins, making it difficult to speak gently. She couldn’t have been more than sixteen or seventeen when the events she’d described occurred. “What he did was unpardonable. Hell is not hot enough for such a monster.”
She gave a weak laugh and swiped the heel of her hand across her cheek, wiping away tears. “Be that as it may, the thought of him being there brings me a measure of peace.” A look of chagrin crossed her features. “Not a very Christian thing to say, but—”
“You don’t need to justify yourself to me. You’ve every right to hate the b—to hate him,” he corrected quickly. Hazel eyes pierced him for a long moment, searching his soul. The ensuing silence weighed heavily, so he broke it. “Death was too quick and merciful a punishment, if you ask me.”
“I thought so, too,” she replied quietly. “For a long time I wondered at the unfairness of it, that he should be free of all earthly travails while I continued to struggle. But had I not experienced hardship and cruelty, I might not now be in a position to help girls like Suzette and Janet.” She looked down at her hands. “Because of my scars, they know I understand their pain—that I know what they suffered. Because of my scars, they are willing to unburden their hearts and begin healing. If I must forever bear these ugly things, I’ve at least given them a worthy purpose.”
His tongue cleaved to the roof of his mouth, and it was several heartbeats before he could manage speech. “Most people would have been broken by what you endured, but you’ve taken it and turned it for the good. You are the most courageous person I’ve ever met.”
Color bloomed high in her cheeks. “If you wish someone to admire, let it be the one who saved me. Without him, I would not be here.”
“He may have saved your life, but you chose this path,” he insisted. “I cannot imagine anything nobler.”
Silence fell, relieved only by the ticking of the clock on the mantel—and the blood rushing in his ears. The sight of her bowed head elicited a strange, crushing sensation in his chest. He wanted to comfort her, but knew not the words. He had to settle for offering her his kerchief.
Her fingers shook as she pressed it against her eyes, and he knew then how much this conversation had cost her. The pain in his chest intensified until it was almost unbearable. “Forgive me,” he whispered, the heat of shame creeping up from beneath his collar to sear his face. “I’ve caused you—”
